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He can't commit to me yet says he loves me watch

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    So I've been in an LDR for about 2yrs now. We both go to different unis so meeting up can be difficult. Thing is, he can't open up to me or commit to me. So technically, we're not girlfriend and boyfriend. He doesn't think he has a relationship status nor does he want to label our relationship. He's been hurt multiple times in the past, and feels that opening up makes him vulnerable and he will end up getting hurt.

    So he's always been quite closed up. But as our relationship got more serious (like when we told each other we love each other) he seems to have closed up more. I wish knowing that he loves me was enough, but sometimes it's not.

    Being apart makes it worse. I have needs and need to know how he feels about me, but he can't give me that. I really want to label it. I'd love him to call me his girlfriend. In fact, I treat him as a boyfriend and act like I'm taken. He says he can't label it, yet he does love me.

    I've said I will wait as long as it takes because I'm so in love with him. But I'm not sure how long I can wait. And sometimes I just get so down about it. I guess I just need ways of coping with this.. HELP!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been in an LDR for about 2yrs now. We both go to different unis so meeting up can be difficult. Thing is, he can't open up to me or commit to me. So technically, we're not girlfriend and boyfriend. He doesn't think he has a relationship status nor does he want to label our relationship. He's been hurt multiple times in the past, and feels that opening up makes him vulnerable and he will end up getting hurt.

    So he's always been quite closed up. But as our relationship got more serious (like when we told each other we love each other) he seems to have closed up more. I wish knowing that he loves me was enough, but sometimes it's not.

    Being apart makes it worse. I have needs and need to know how he feels about me, but he can't give me that. I really want to label it. I'd love him to call me his girlfriend. In fact, I treat him as a boyfriend and act like I'm taken. He says he can't label it, yet he does love me.

    I've said I will wait as long as it takes because I'm so in love with him. But I'm not sure how long I can wait. And sometimes I just get so down about it. I guess I just need ways of coping with this.. HELP!
    I see this as black and white as this - if you're not getting what you want, then get out
    It may be hard but if he's not respecting you and valuing you the way you want then maybe you should move on
    The distance will make this easier
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been in an LDR for about 2yrs now. We both go to different unis so meeting up can be difficult. Thing is, he can't open up to me or commit to me. So technically, we're not girlfriend and boyfriend. He doesn't think he has a relationship status nor does he want to label our relationship. He's been hurt multiple times in the past, and feels that opening up makes him vulnerable and he will end up getting hurt.

    So he's always been quite closed up. But as our relationship got more serious (like when we told each other we love each other) he seems to have closed up more. I wish knowing that he loves me was enough, but sometimes it's not.

    Being apart makes it worse. I have needs and need to know how he feels about me, but he can't give me that. I really want to label it. I'd love him to call me his girlfriend. In fact, I treat him as a boyfriend and act like I'm taken. He says he can't label it, yet he does love me.

    I've said I will wait as long as it takes because I'm so in love with him. But I'm not sure how long I can wait. And sometimes I just get so down about it. I guess I just need ways of coping with this.. HELP!
    Simple: show signs of moving on/spending time with someone else (not in a serious "I'm leaving you" type way!) The jealously will compell him to realise he wants more, and he'll commit
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been in an LDR for about 2yrs now. We both go to different unis so meeting up can be difficult. Thing is, he can't open up to me or commit to me. So technically, we're not girlfriend and boyfriend. He doesn't think he has a relationship status nor does he want to label our relationship. He's been hurt multiple times in the past, and feels that opening up makes him vulnerable and he will end up getting hurt.

    So he's always been quite closed up. But as our relationship got more serious (like when we told each other we love each other) he seems to have closed up more. I wish knowing that he loves me was enough, but sometimes it's not.

    Being apart makes it worse. I have needs and need to know how he feels about me, but he can't give me that. I really want to label it. I'd love him to call me his girlfriend. In fact, I treat him as a boyfriend and act like I'm taken. He says he can't label it, yet he does love me.

    I've said I will wait as long as it takes because I'm so in love with him. But I'm not sure how long I can wait. And sometimes I just get so down about it. I guess I just need ways of coping with this.. HELP!
    I was in this situation last year, when my partner and I didn't know what to label our relationship. He was played and hurt by a lot of girls for his money and looks in his area so he felt that uneasy with being committed. It took some time and bonding but eventually he did open up, and right now he's the more energetic one when it comes to intimacy. He won't label, but he's confident that he can make it last.
    You could probably discuss with him what would make him feel more confident. Bond with him more and just spend time to keep the relationship comfortable. If he's still reluctant, then maybe you should be patient. If it looks hopeless, then I'm sorry to say but maybe you both need to move on
    Good luck with it though!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been in an LDR for about 2yrs now. We both go to different unis so meeting up can be difficult. Thing is, he can't open up to me or commit to me. So technically, we're not girlfriend and boyfriend. He doesn't think he has a relationship status nor does he want to label our relationship. He's been hurt multiple times in the past, and feels that opening up makes him vulnerable and he will end up getting hurt.

    So he's always been quite closed up. But as our relationship got more serious (like when we told each other we love each other) he seems to have closed up more. I wish knowing that he loves me was enough, but sometimes it's not.

    Being apart makes it worse. I have needs and need to know how he feels about me, but he can't give me that. I really want to label it. I'd love him to call me his girlfriend. In fact, I treat him as a boyfriend and act like I'm taken. He says he can't label it, yet he does love me.

    I've said I will wait as long as it takes because I'm so in love with him. But I'm not sure how long I can wait. And sometimes I just get so down about it. I guess I just need ways of coping with this.. HELP!
    This might sound harsh, but I'm only saying it because I had a really similar experience: you need to move on from this guy. He may well love you, and he may well have issues to deal with, but you don't know if he'll ever manage to conquer them. It's really lovely that you want to wait for him, but it's down to him to sort out how he feels.

    In short, you want a defined relationship and he doesn't - it's incompatible! For your own sanity you need to move on; it'll be so difficult, but in the long run it'll be worth it. You might meet someone a lot better for you. And hey, maybe one day he WILL be able to commit, but you don't want to spend the rest of your life miserable waiting for it to happen. You're clearly a good person with a lot to give - find someone who is willing to give back! I hope you manage to sort things out, one way or another.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for all your advice/thoughts!!

    I have tried the jealousy thing and it hasn't worked. It just causes him to get upset and that's the last thing I want to do.

    Everything you guys have said is pretty much what my friends have said but I never wanted to admit that maybe they were right. :/ I guess I was hoping there would be an alternative answer! Perhaps I'm a bit too hopeful. :P
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by ashleighgiles)
    I was in this situation last year, when my partner and I didn't know what to label our relationship. He was played and hurt by a lot of girls for his money and looks in his area so he felt that uneasy with being committed. It took some time and bonding but eventually he did open up, and right now he's the more energetic one when it comes to intimacy. He won't label, but he's confident that he can make it last.
    You could probably discuss with him what would make him feel more confident. Bond with him more and just spend time to keep the relationship comfortable. If he's still reluctant, then maybe you should be patient. If it looks hopeless, then I'm sorry to say but maybe you both need to move on
    Good luck with it though!
    I really like this idea! I think I do need to talk to him about how I can help him. Atm, we're both pretty stressed as it's exam season so I will definitely wait until exams are done and dusted. But I think I will give this a try before I give up completely.
 
 
 
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