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Is it bad that I hate my family so much, I'm really embarrassed of them? Watch

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    So lets start of with my mother. She only speaks to my Grandma and not my Grandad. My siblings and I have never met him. I over heard her phone conversation the other day and she was explaining to a friend that my grandad has been diagnosed with throat cancer and she said she didn't care. She has 2 siblings, my aunty and uncle, we're no longer in touch with my aunty or cousins because they moved away and I haven't seen my uncle in over ten years. I'm now 18. My oldest brother, who is mix raced is 22. I also have a white brother who is one year younger than him. I'm 18 and I'm black (not dark) and my sister is nearly 15 and is darker than me. Evidently none of us have the same dad and none of us know our dads. It looks really weird on family photos. I've never had a good relationship with any of my family and I genuinely hate them. I don't get on with any of them at all. Sometimes I wish that I had a different family and often have thoughts of my dad coming into my life and whisking me away to have a better life. I live with my 22 year old brother, my sister, my mum and her boyfriend who I have a strong disliking to. They argue every day (theyre arguing now) I know you can't choose your family but I wish I could. They're really horrible people and whenever I over hear them speaking I just instantly get annoyed. Even when my other brother comes over I just hide away in my bedroom. They always say horrible things to me and me and my sister have physical fights. She breaks my belongings, steals my stuff, tells me to die and tells me to slit my wrists (I've made a few suicide attempts in the past) She also criticises my appearance. My mum also swears at me and used to hit me when I was younger. If you asked me who my favourite relative was, I'd say my dog. I can't bring friends or boyfriends round because I'm so embarrassed, I often lie about where I live as well. Once when I was around 7 years old, my friend came round and she asked if my dad was "black and white with stripes because me and my family are all different colours" I genuinely can't wait to move away and lose contact. Does this make me a bad person?
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    hey. firstly you sound like you are way more intelligent than your family, reminds me of matilda but at the end of the day, they are still your family. maybe you could see your school counselor or go to the doctors and ask because it sounds to me like you need someone to listen to you and support you. i highly recommend you watch the secret online, could be really helpful
 
 
 
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