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I don't think i'm in love with my boyfriend. What do i do? Watch

    • #1
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    #1

    Hey,
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 5 months, and things are mostly really good. He's lovely, funny and caring, but i honestly don't think i'm in love him. He told me he loved me a few months ago and I said it back, as i do care about him a lot. But the thing is is that he doesn't give me butterflys. I don't feel excited when i'm about to see him or anything. The sex is good, but it isn't enough to stay with him, i don't want to hurt him.
    A friend of mine has said that she doesn't think i'm in love with him, and it's just deep friendship, but i don't know. I'm quite attached to him.
    I'm thinking maybe the best thing to do is to break up with him, but i don't know. Like i said, i do care about him a lot. Argh i just don't know
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    (Original post by Voltozonic)
    He's lovely, funny, caring and good in bed. Yet you dont love him... after five months the "honeymoon phase" may be over and that is normal.

    Could it be a case of the grass is always greener ?

    Tell me this, have you been in love once before when you were younger and you perhaps now subconsciously compare how you feel in this relationship to that one ?
    In my honest opinon, you need to have a deep think about this, and maybe try and do something which could bring back the romance (like suprise your boyfriend with a romantic meal or something), and if that doesn't bring back any of the spark, then i fear you may have to end it, you can't be in a realationship if you're not happy with it
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Voltozonic)
    He's lovely, funny, caring and good in bed. Yet you dont love him... after five months the "honeymoon phase" may be over and that is normal.

    Could it be a case of the grass is always greener ?

    Tell me this, have you been in love once before when you were younger and you perhaps now subconsciously compare how you feel in this relationship to that one ?
    I've never really had a serious relationship before him, and i just feel like something is missing. Like he feels like my best friend rather than my boyfriend. I don't know whether i'm romanticizing 'love' from what i know and have read about. I am happy with him, i just feel like i should feel more passionate towards him. i don't know . I kind of feel like it would be better if we split up and he found someone who adored him more than anything, because i'm not sure if i do
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've never really had a serious relationship before him, and i just feel like something is missing. Like he feels like my best friend rather than my boyfriend. I don't know whether i'm romanticizing 'love' from what i know and have read about. I am happy with him, i just feel like i should feel more passionate towards him. i don't know . I kind of feel like it would be better if we split up and he found someone who adored him more than anything, because i'm not sure if i do
    don't do anything yet, you're probably panicking slightly and that always makes you feel worse, do some "testing" do things which should make you feel really romantic etc.
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    Young people today lack the commitment of the past. It's perfectly normal for things to seem dull after the honeymoon period wears off.

    Society hasn't told you to expect this - it's not your fault it's all of the overly romantic films that we're fed nowadays.

    But this is how relationships work. You'll always have to put in extra effort at this stage in any relationship, so either decide;

    1. I'm young and free and not ready for serious so I'm going to release my gash to the world for a while #YOLO.
    2. I'm going to give an adult relationship a shot.

    No judgement either way, both are valid. But choose one and stick to it for a few months, then reflect on how it's gone.

    I tend to opt for #1 after 4 months or so. But realise you'll have to do #2 someday.
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    follow that heart and that heart will follow you
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey,
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 5 months, and things are mostly really good. He's lovely, funny and caring, but i honestly don't think i'm in love him. He told me he loved me a few months ago and I said it back, as i do care about him a lot. But the thing is is that he doesn't give me butterflys. I don't feel excited when i'm about to see him or anything. The sex is good, but it isn't enough to stay with him, i don't want to hurt him.
    A friend of mine has said that she doesn't think i'm in love with him, and it's just deep friendship, but i don't know. I'm quite attached to him.
    I'm thinking maybe the best thing to do is to break up with him, but i don't know. Like i said, i do care about him a lot. Argh i just don't know
    I've been through a similar phase, although I started to think that I was the problem.

    Everyone feels "love" at different times. I'm surprised that no one here has mentioned the "5 months" part of it yet. 5 months really isn't that long. It may feel like it is, especially if this is your first serious relationship but it's nothing. I remember feeling like it was forever, but now that I've been in a relationship for over 3 years, 5 months is nothing.

    You seem to be thinking into this a little bit too much. Obviously if you don't fancy him at all then it's best to end things. But if you are attracted to him (even without the intense passion), you get on together etc, then don't worry about not feeling like you're in love with him yet.

    I don't know all the ins and outs of the relationship but if he's a good guy and there's something there then see how it goes, you'll regret it otherwise. Everyone gets more butterflies at the start of a relationship.

    And one last piece of advice: please don't let other people give their opinion on how YOU feel. Only you know how you feel. Your friend probably has your best interests at heart, but you definitely shouldn't take it to heart.
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    Even if you've never been in a serious relationship before, you know when you're in love with someone. If you think there's the potential for you to fall in love with him then stay together for a bit longer to see if it happens. If it doesn't, then it'd be best to end it - by 5 months most people usually have a bit of an idea whether they're in love with someone or not.
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    We all fall in love at different rates, I didnt fall in love with my boyfriend for nearly a year, i cared about him i wanted to be with him but like you said i wasnt dying to see him and spend time with him all the time, alot of this had to do with the fact ive been hurt in the past. After neraly a year though I did fall deeply and madly in love with him but I knew it was for real as It took so long he took around the same time aswell.

    5 months is in my view hardly any time so i dont think its odd at all your not in love yet
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    If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. It's stupid to throw away a relationship because you aren't bothered to make it work, that is one thing, although it is ten times more stupid to stick in a relationship where the feeling isn't mutual just because you think that is how adult relationships work, it's not. There is a distinct difference between not being bothered and not being in love, I think people on this thread should remember this.

    Edit: Only realising you've only been with him for 5 months. Calm down, it's not a race, why would you expect to love someone after such a short time? If you like him then give it another while.
    • #3
    #3

    I tend to follow the algorithm with a valued relationship (note - not all relationships are going to be that important and its down to you to decide):

    If you're happy - stick with it and don't actually worry too much about whether it's "right".

    If you feel unhappy - communicate (not "I don't love you"!!! but rather "can we make things more exciting", "let's do a, b, c ..."); try to improve the relationship*, give it another few months, then reassess. If you are still unhappy time to move on.

    *Do more things together. Do fun things together! Make special occasions. Share with your partner. Increase intimacy. Think positively about your partner, have pride in them. etc etc

    Everyone maybe goes through ups and downs, highs and lows in a relationship and I partly think its down to personality. But I do have to add from experience that the excitement and flutteriness, and passionate love doesn't just have to die after the so called "honeymoon period". I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and I absolutely adore him and can't imagine anything more exciting or loved up than what I feel for him now. There was never really a honeymoon period distinct from the rest, although there have been ups and downs correlating to stressful periods / doubts/ etc. If you are dissatisfied, always do something about it.
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    I'm in exactly the same problem as you. Literally everything you said was no different to how I would describe my relationship now. I too have been going out with my boyfriend for around 5 months and everything seemed great at first, but now all i seem to do is get annoyed easily at him and nothing he does seems to be right anymore. I've been considering breaking up with him but like you're situation he cares too much and I get on with his family really well so I don't want to lose the friendship. Maybe let him know that something is up and that you need to talk. Yes it will probably result in tears but if he really loves you he'll understand and should respect how you feel. After all, you need to be selfish in a situation like this and think what's the best to make YOU happy. Hope everything goes well and remember...the best relationship should have no secrets.


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    (Original post by OMGWTFBBQ)
    Young people today lack the commitment of the past. It's perfectly normal for things to seem dull after the honeymoon period wears off.
    You are implying here that the OP has commitment issues and that is a huge assumption to make based upon a post in which she has outlined a situation with one guy. From the sounds of things, she has no commitment issues. She's just not with the right guy. Massive difference there. I'd actually argue that very few people have real commitment issues. In most cases people with supposed commitment issues have just not found the right person. People can't help who they don't love. Not loving someone does not make you a bad person, and sustaining a relationship with someone you don't love just for the sake of it is unhealthy and not good for either party.

    At five months the honeymoon period should not have worn off. And even if it has this early, this lust phase is replaced with a phase called 'attachment' - you basically go from being in love with someone to also loving them - emotions that the OP is lacking. What the OP is getting at is that there never was a phase in which she felt all the cliches you feel when falling in love.
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    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    You are implying here that the OP has commitment issues and that is a huge assumption to make based upon a post in which she has outlined a situation with one guy.
    I'm inferring that the OP has fallen out of lust after the end of a honeymoon period, not that she has "commitment issues." This is a perfectly ordinary situation and a normal part of transitioning to adult relationships of which she should not be ashamed.

    If anything I promoted a lack of commitment in these transitional years and do not see a lack of it as at all an issue. She is entirely capable of "committing" - as reflected in her ability to choose option 1 or 2 - but why should she by default if this is not what she wants? Young people today don't have this expectation of commitment in built any more, so she is able to chose whether or not she is ready or interested in continuing this relationship further. She has a choice.

    There is no judgement from me about the "morality" or "value" of long term relationships. Only encouragement for the OP to analyse her situation and decide upon what she wants - and when.
 
 
 
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