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    It's a somewhat pathetic case of having had a short but very intense thing with someone, who then emailed me 4 weeks ago that he didn't want to see me again as he felt that he could never truly love me (a gut feeling). So it's over, and I was v much hurt or more aptly put, disappointed as I'd had such high hopes for us and had never met anyone like him, then to be spurned by him like this - of course it's gonna take time to come to terms with it. He has many flaws, perhaps it wouldn't have worked out anyway and I don't even love him or anything, but I think about him an awful lot and find that I can't move on. All other guys I compare to him (he did have many good qualities), but my thoughts being occupied with him are souring my life in general. I know I can't do anything about that and I accept it and try to ignore it and keep myself busy during the day, which actually works OK. However at night, before going to sleep or if I wake during the night, I feel I am less in control, and cannot rein in my thoughts and I catch myself thinking about him and everything that's happened and how perhaps I was to blame (I wasn't) for what seems like hours. This is seriously getting to me and affecting my quality of sleep. What can I do? I've tried various sleeping pills but they've actually worsened it all and instead of helping me sleep have had me think about him even more, lying wide awake in bed, going over every detail.

    What should/can I do? (I do wish I'd never met the guy.) Please help.
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    I think you need to stop the vicious cycle of obsession. The more you want something, you more you obsess about it. That's because it seems impossible, therefore your admiration and lust increases due yo that fantasy. Let it go, meet new guys, and enjoy yourself.

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    what? i dont understand? did the guy leave u?
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    nothing.... wait it out and stop obsessing over him by living out your life...
    next time dont go intense so quickly

    edit: negger explain what was wrong with this comment...theres no quick fix and going in intense doesnt help...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's a somewhat pathetic case of having had a short but very intense thing with someone, who then emailed me 4 weeks ago that he didn't want to see me again as he felt that he could never truly love me (a gut feeling). So it's over, and I was v much hurt or more aptly put, disappointed as I'd had such high hopes for us and had never met anyone like him, then to be spurned by him like this - of course it's gonna take time to come to terms with it. He has many flaws, perhaps it wouldn't have worked out anyway and I don't even love him or anything, but I think about him an awful lot and find that I can't move on. All other guys I compare to him (he did have many good qualities), but my thoughts being occupied with him are souring my life in general. I know I can't do anything about that and I accept it and try to ignore it and keep myself busy during the day, which actually works OK. However at night, before going to sleep or if I wake during the night, I feel I am less in control, and cannot rein in my thoughts and I catch myself thinking about him and everything that's happened and how perhaps I was to blame (I wasn't) for what seems like hours. This is seriously getting to me and affecting my quality of sleep. What can I do? I've tried various sleeping pills but they've actually worsened it all and instead of helping me sleep have had me think about him even more, lying wide awake in bed, going over every detail.

    What should/can I do? (I do wish I'd never met the guy.) Please help.
    Hm I'm not the best with advice but my friend is going through something similar at the moment so I'll give it a shot. ^^

    This guy I wouldn't think about too much anymore, he emailed you to say that you can't see each other anymore. He should have told you in person as its perhaps easier to come to a mutual understanding, I find its a bit cowardly to finish something over email or fb or anything like that.

    The sleep problems. I wouldn't touch sleeping pills, they do more harm than good. If you want to keep your mind off him before you go to bed watch some late night tv, something funny, have a hot chocolate or something. Sleeping pills are a no go unless you are a full on insomniac.



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    (Original post by TaylorGang_4)
    I think you need to stop the vicious cycle of obsession. The more you want something, you more you obsess about it. That's because it seems impossible, therefore your admiration and lust increases due yo that fantasy. Let it go, meet new guys, and enjoy yourself.

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    (Original post by Dmon1Unlimited)
    nothing.... wait it out and stop obsessing over him by living out your life...

    next time dont go intense so quickly

    I completely agree and it is obsessive I guess, and how he went about things has made it worse, but I mean now it's automatic and I am finding it hard to do anything about it during nights. How do I stop obsessing is my question really. It's affecting my sleep and my life.
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    Best way to stop obsessing about him is to stop thinking about him. It may sound impossible, but don't let him dictate your mind. You are not with him. Go out, meet new guys, and find someone that makes you happy. I've been in your position before with girls and its not nice. When you realise that there's nothing there, its the best feeling possible. You're finally free. Good luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I completely agree and it is obsessive I guess, and how he went about things has made it worse, but I mean now it's automatic and I am finding it hard to do anything about it during nights. How do I stop obsessing is my question really. It's affecting my sleep and my life.
    its not automatic, you just keep thinking of him... stop thinking about him and give it time...
    there isnt really a quick fix...again, just continue with your life and it will blow over soon... do things that require your attention/focus in order to do
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    I read something not that long ago saying that when people are in love, for some reason or another their sereotonin levels drop - which is a simillar feature of people with OCD.

    Its apparently usually what keeps new couples obsessed with each other in that blissfull period at the beginning of a relationship.

    Unfortunitly it looks as though its one way traffic for you :-(

    Been in simillar situation myself.

    You just gota go cold turkey and ride it out, dont make contact it will just be crap. The obsessing will fade eventually.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's a somewhat pathetic case of having had a short but very intense thing with someone, who then emailed me 4 weeks ago that he didn't want to see me again as he felt that he could never truly love me (a gut feeling). So it's over, and I was v much hurt or more aptly put, disappointed as I'd had such high hopes for us and had never met anyone like him, then to be spurned by him like this - of course it's gonna take time to come to terms with it. He has many flaws, perhaps it wouldn't have worked out anyway and I don't even love him or anything, but I think about him an awful lot and find that I can't move on. All other guys I compare to him (he did have many good qualities), but my thoughts being occupied with him are souring my life in general. I know I can't do anything about that and I accept it and try to ignore it and keep myself busy during the day, which actually works OK. However at night, before going to sleep or if I wake during the night, I feel I am less in control, and cannot rein in my thoughts and I catch myself thinking about him and everything that's happened and how perhaps I was to blame (I wasn't) for what seems like hours. This is seriously getting to me and affecting my quality of sleep. What can I do? I've tried various sleeping pills but they've actually worsened it all and instead of helping me sleep have had me think about him even more, lying wide awake in bed, going over every detail.

    What should/can I do? (I do wish I'd never met the guy.) Please help.
    You will meet someone else, one day, who you like better. There's nothing to get you over the last one like the next one. If you don't want someone else, then only time will heal this.
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    (Original post by MacLean)
    I read something not that long ago saying that when people are in love, for some reason or another their sereotonin levels drop - which is a simillar feature of people with OCD.

    Its apparently usually what keeps new couples obsessed with each other in that blissfull period at the beginning of a relationship.

    Unfortunitly it looks as though its one way traffic for you :-(

    Been in simillar situation myself.

    You just gota go cold turkey and ride it out, dont make contact it will just be crap. The obsessing will fade eventually.

    yes.

    I think I can be quite a passionate/intense and obsessive person to begin with and how he's handled everything made it even worse. The problem is that I can completely live with it during the day, if I think about him, so what, I try to occupy myself, it's nights which are v difficult as I find it more difficult to be in control/rational when tired.
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    (Original post by flit)
    You will meet someone else, one day, who you like better. There's nothing to get you over the last one like the next one. If you don't want someone else, then only time will heal this.
    I know only the next one will make me forget him, but there's this problem of me feeling that noone is quite like him. Been on a couple of dates since. I mean I didn't even have a proper relationship with him, he has treated me like this and I still find myself comparing him to the next guy?!

    Just ghastly.
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    I often, for some stupid reason, put a film on the laptop to watch if I dont feel tired when i go to bed.

    99% of the time because im warm in bed I clonk out and dont remeber feck all about the film.

    Since your problem is that time when you close your eyes but are not yet unconcious and there is silent time for your mind to think, this might help cut that bit out and just give you a shortcut straight to sleep.
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    (Original post by MacLean)
    I often, for some stupid reason, put a film on the laptop to watch if I dont feel tired when i go to bed.

    99% of the time because im warm in bed I clonk out and dont remeber feck all about the film.

    Since your problem is that time when you close your eyes but are not yet unconcious and there is silent time for your mind to think, this might help cut that bit out and just give you a shortcut straight to sleep.
    thanks, unfortunately I've tried this. With films. radio programmes. the news. ebooks. everything. my mind is so effed up that I block out whatever is going on in the background and think my crazy thoughts.

    It's really bad. I know it's partly habit but it's almost as if I was mental. Tbh I do feel mental, I wonder if therapy is free on the NHS?!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yes.

    I think I can be quite a passionate/intense and obsessive person to begin with and how he's handled everything made it even worse. The problem is that I can completely live with it during the day, if I think about him, so what, I try to occupy myself, it's nights which are v difficult as I find it more difficult to be in control/rational when tired.
    If tiredness makes you more obsessive - perhaps try and improve your sleeping patterns (you know, the typical no PC for 2-3 hours before bed, going to bed early, drinking herbal tea, waking up naturally rather than with an alarm etc), and maybe train yourself to think about other things while feeling relaxed, like telling stories to yourself, or thinking about work, or your friends, or your hobbies etc to make sure your mind is engaged on something that isn't him.

    I hope you overcome it soon though! Chin up!
    and if you do find your mind creeping, say to yourself, even if out loud "No! No thinking about him!", and remind yourself of his flaws and how much better other guys will be, as after all, he has proved himself to be a coward.
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    Firstly, I'am sorry, it will be hard, try to get a task/aim to keep you going - thats what i did or a really bad job you've een meaning to do, don't revise or anything like that becasue you won't concertrate andit will be waste of your time


    Ps. This may sound bad, but Benalin 4 flu, will knock you out and let you get a good nights sleep, and you won't feel bad the next day
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's really bad. I know it's partly habit but it's almost as if I was mental. Tbh I do feel mental, I wonder if therapy is free on the NHS?!
    To be fair it sound like the normal thoughts of unrequited love, not mental. I don't have much else I can think of to suggest, other than makesure you don't have him on facebook or anything like that and just do your best to tame your thoughts and block him out.

    If it really bad and only getting worse, then go see someone if you can.

    You'll look back and laugh at it one day though!
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    Stop idolising him!

    He left you, you cannot make him love you. Accept it.

    remove all the things that remind you of him. Put them in a box and take it to the recycling site. Any joint photographs, put them in a box and stuff them in the loft in a hard to reach place.

    Rre-arrange your rooms, spring clean (very cathartic), buy some new clothes, get your hair done differently.

    Occupy yourself with other people. Throw yourself into work so you don't have time to think about him. Find things that you loved doing before you met him and do them. Rediscover yourself.

    Not easy, and only time will heal. You will find someone else with even better qualities, or they will find you when you least expect it. Just don't go comparing them to him, that is the way to unhappiness.
 
 
 
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