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Boyfriend puts sport before me. Watch

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    So basically, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he does karate. He's done it since he started high school, and now were both at college 5 years later. However, I recently got a job making it a lot harder to see him, and when I can see him it's usually 'karate' nights. I've been ok with it for the past year, because I completely accept that it's a hobby of his and he wants to do well in it, but he has no interest in quitting any time soon. Now, I've been fine with the karate, up until he tells me that he's going to be missing my birthday and a party of my families because of it. I don't really know whether I am over reacting, or acting how anyone would to this situation. Anyway, I'm just stuck. It's been a long term relationship, and it's not an "on-and-off" one, but we don't agree on much, and this karate situation is one of them. Now, because of how long I've been with him, and how close he's gotten to my family, I know that I'm in love with him. I don't think I'll find anyone else, however I don't know how many times I can take getting dropped because his karate is more important. What would you do in this situation? And am I overreacting?


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    Ever thought of joining up yourself? You could get to spend more time with him, and if he ever cancels on you again, you could karate kick his ass? Hope this helps.
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    Yes you are overreacting
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    LAD.

    I joke...talk to him or maybe try to get an interest in the sports?
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    He's been doing it for 4 years longer than he's been with you and will probably continue doing it when/if you break up. You could always do something special together for your birthday but on a different day. I assume he's missing them for competitions and therefore you shouldn't really expect him to miss them for you.
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    (Original post by TheStudent1289)
    LAD.

    I joke...talk to him or maybe try to get an interest in the sports?
    I've tried that. Didn't go quite the way I hoped....


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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    So basically, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he does karate. He's done it since he started high school, and now were both at college 5 years later. However, I recently got a job making it a lot harder to see him, and when I can see him it's usually 'karate' nights. I've been ok with it for the past year, because I completely accept that it's a hobby of his and he wants to do well in it, but he has no interest in quitting any time soon. Now, I've been fine with the karate, up until he tells me that he's going to be missing my birthday and a party of my families because of it. I don't really know whether I am over reacting, or acting how anyone would to this situation. Anyway, I'm just stuck. It's been a long term relationship, and it's not an "on-and-off" one, but we don't agree on much, and this karate situation is one of them. Now, because of how long I've been with him, and how close he's gotten to my family, I know that I'm in love with him. I don't think I'll find anyone else, however I don't know how many times I can take getting dropped because his karate is more important. What would you do in this situation? And am I overreacting?


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    I don't think you're over-reacting if he's going to miss your birthday. there should be a fine balance between spending time with his hobbies and you. you should sit him down and talk about it, you don't necessarily need to give him an ultimatum but just try work things out.
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    let him be
    if he thinks your trying to take away his passion, he'll resent you forever and your relationship wont have the same dynamic
    talk to him, ask him to be more flexible
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    (Original post by parpirate)
    He's been doing it for 4 years longer than he's been with you and will probably continue doing it when/if you break up. You could always do something special together for your birthday but on a different day. I assume he's missing them for competitions and therefore you shouldn't really expect him to miss them for you.
    I know, and I understand that, and I don't expect him to miss his competitions, but it's so often that our plans clash, and he has to change it last minute. I've tried to arrange things for a different day, but the only days we can both do are Wednesdays, and shocker, that's his karate night:/ looks like I'm just going to have to deal with it.


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    Please plot a graph of the frequency of karate attendances per week over the time you have been with him and I will get back to you with a thorough analysis of your situation and suggestions of ways you can resolve the issue.

    This was posted by The Big Friendly TSR Helper Bot version 1.0
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    (Original post by nivek11)
    I don't think you're over-reacting if he's going to miss your birthday. there should be a fine balance between spending time with his hobbies and you. you should sit him down and talk about it, you don't necessarily need to give him an ultimatum but just try work things out.
    Trying to work things out with him is like trying to talk to a brick wall, and I just end up wanting to punch him in the face. He doesn't really listen to me, he just says ok, it won't happen again, and then it does. Most of the times we try and "work things out" we end up in a bigger argument than we first had. I think I just need to leave him to it, if I'm important enough, he might soon realise..


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    Yes you are overreacting
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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    So basically, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he does karate. He's done it since he started high school, and now were both at college 5 years later. However, I recently got a job making it a lot harder to see him, and when I can see him it's usually 'karate' nights. I've been ok with it for the past year, because I completely accept that it's a hobby of his and he wants to do well in it, but he has no interest in quitting any time soon. Now, I've been fine with the karate, up until he tells me that he's going to be missing my birthday and a party of my families because of it. I don't really know whether I am over reacting, or acting how anyone would to this situation. Anyway, I'm just stuck. It's been a long term relationship, and it's not an "on-and-off" one, but we don't agree on much, and this karate situation is one of them. Now, because of how long I've been with him, and how close he's gotten to my family, I know that I'm in love with him. I don't think I'll find anyone else, however I don't know how many times I can take getting dropped because his karate is more important. What would you do in this situation? And am I overreacting?


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    No, not over-reacting! I barely ever see my boyfriend cos we're long-distance and often when i'm back home he has to go to work. Granted, work is compulsory and karate isn't, but i understand where you are coming from. Maybe you could reach some sort of compromise? One time he'll cancel his karate to spend time with you, the other he'll go to his karate. Sound reasonable?

    You're being reasonable yourself because you understand that its a hobby he is committed too, but at the end of the day a relationship is more important than a hobby!

    Hope you can sort it out
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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    I know, and I understand that, and I don't expect him to miss his competitions, but it's so often that our plans clash, and he has to change it last minute. I've tried to arrange things for a different day, but the only days we can both do are Wednesdays, and shocker, that's his karate night:/ looks like I'm just going to have to deal with it.


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    How long do his weekly karate sessions last? Can you go with him then hang out afterwards / before depending on the time?
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    (Original post by parpirate)
    How long do his weekly karate sessions last? Can you go with him then hang out afterwards / before depending on the time?
    He leaves around 5-6ish and doesn't get back until 8ish. His parents don't help because they're so useless to get him to see me. We've tried to make it so he stays mine after his karate but his parents are too lazy to drive him there. We try and do things in days also, but with college the day we finish early enough to make a day out of anything is the day he has karate. so we could go somewhere, but physically aren't allowed to.


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    How would you feel if you saw him post on here;
    "My girlfriend wants me to put her before Karate, something I am wholly passionate about."
    Consider the feelings of others as well as your own.
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    To be honest, is it like once a week he does it. Give him a break it is his hobby he should be allowed a life as well, when I was in England I did ten pin bowling every Thursday night.
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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    So basically, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he does karate. He's done it since he started high school, and now were both at college 5 years later. However, I recently got a job making it a lot harder to see him, and when I can see him it's usually 'karate' nights. I've been ok with it for the past year, because I completely accept that it's a hobby of his and he wants to do well in it, but he has no interest in quitting any time soon. Now, I've been fine with the karate, up until he tells me that he's going to be missing my birthday and a party of my families because of it. I don't really know whether I am over reacting, or acting how anyone would to this situation. Anyway, I'm just stuck. It's been a long term relationship, and it's not an "on-and-off" one, but we don't agree on much, and this karate situation is one of them. Now, because of how long I've been with him, and how close he's gotten to my family, I know that I'm in love with him. I don't think I'll find anyone else, however I don't know how many times I can take getting dropped because his karate is more important. What would you do in this situation? And am I overreacting?


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    To be fair, if he's been doing it that long, its largely a life style rather then a hobby. Whilst its obviously a perfectly reasonable request to see him more, he's been at Karate for that much time and with maintained it so by now you're not going to push him away from it; not that I'm suggesting that's your goal, but still.

    You said Karate nights, so its more then one, depending on how many nights he goes to it per week and what else he does (if he's got a job, how much his college work takes up his time, etc), he might drop one of the Karate nights.

    Honestly, I put cycling before a lot of other things in my life though two girls I've been with live in a nearby town and thus I could just cycle or drive in most nights.
    What's your situation in regards to where you both live and what other things you've both got going on?
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    Different folk place different amounts of importance on things like birthdays.
    Personally I just see it as a normal day and if I can get away with it I'll get on with what I was going to do anyway!
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    Karate is obviously something which is very important to your boyfriend. He's been doing it before he's been with you and he'll probably keep doing it long after you two split up.

    Ask yourself does he actually put Karate before you? If something really, really terrible happened to you would he put his karate to one side and be there for you?

    Karate may be something very trivial to you, but you have to realise that it provides a real cornerstone to your boyfriend's life. It's something that he enjoys and does regularly. No matter how good/bad his week is there is one certainty. That he will go to Karate on Thursday.

    Maybe you don't have a similar thing like this in your life, I think guys tend to have them more than girls.

    I like to go and watch my local football team on a Saturday. I've been doing it since I was 10, now 21. Since then my parents have split up, I've moved house, made and lost many friends. Not much is the same in my life as it was when I was 10. This is the one constant in my life and I love it. I'm not just going to give it up so I can hang out with the Missus. You don't have to also love it, but you should try to make every effort to accept it.
 
 
 
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