So I've been struggling for a while with recurring depression (when I say a while, I mean since I was 13).
I was just wondering, does anyone else have hypomanic episodes where they just obsess? I have Asperger's Syndrome, so I've always attributed it to that, but now I no more about the disorder I'm starting to understand why I acted that way.
For example, in the weeks running up to Easter, and just after, I had an obsession with death. I felt like I was drowning in it - everything I'd done, everything I'd achieved with invalidated by our mortality. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about at night. I'd look at children and pity them, because I knew they were going to die; I thought it was cruel to bring children into the world just to die for their parents selfish reasons. At the time, I thought I was being realistic. I thought this was just me seeing clearly. I sporadically burst into tears, and every time I looked at my mum I just saw her dead. It wasn't a depressive episode, because I didn't feel worthless or suicidal, I just felt unspeakably trapped at this epiphany. I researched death, what happens when we die and fears of death for weeks obsessively (I don't even want to look at my internet history during that time). Then, within two days, I snapped out of it. I felt fine. Great even. I went shopping and bought loads of new makeup. Then, last Monday, I had a serious anger 'episode'. The rage I felt, just because my mum was asking me to fix something on her computer and I couldn't do it, just snowballed to a point where I thought about jumping out my window. Then, the next day, I felt fine. Fast forward to now, and I can feel my mood deteriorating again... I was diagnosed with bipolar on Thursday (which explains why I've had this for so long) and I've been put on meds but I was just wondering if anyone has similar symptoms, or even just wants to talk. My mum has it too, but its hard to relate to a 40+ year old.
And actually passed?