Do people really want to "be alone" ? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 12 years ago
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You know when people say 'i just need to be alone and sort things out', do they really mean it? I don't mean if you've just had an arguement with them, but if they're upset and it's not your fault or anything, is it better to leave them upset alone, or to try and comfort them? One of my friends is really upset about leaving school, and she claims her way of coping is being alone and stuff, but I dunno, we're really close, and I'm not convinced it'll work, or if it's what she really wants...

I know it's an odd question, but have any of you ever experienced feeling 'wanting to be alone' but actually would have loved to have the company...

I'm feeling philosophical, apologies!
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tinkerbellejess
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#2
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Sometimes I just want to be alone, cos I don;t want anyone to see me cry or generally in a state, after a while of calming down though, I do need the company
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Lucyvet2006
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You know when people say 'i just need to be alone and sort things out', do they really mean it? I don't mean if you've just had an arguement with them, but if they're upset and it's not your fault or anything, is it better to leave them upset alone, or to try and comfort them? One of my friends is really upset about leaving school, and she claims her way of coping is being alone and stuff, but I dunno, we're really close, and I'm not convinced it'll work, or if it's what she really wants...

I know it's an odd question, but have any of you ever experienced feeling 'wanting to be alone' but actually would have loved to have the company...

I'm feeling philosophical, apologies!
All depends on the person and the tone in which they say 'leave me alone'!

If someone is clearly upset infront of other people, they probably do want to be comforted but are too proud to say it. If they storm off they might just be frustrated that you don't understand how they feel and they want you to look at things from their point of view.

I had a massive argument with my boyfriend recently when I'd had a really s***ty day, found out some really bad news from one of my really good friends + was shattered. I saw my boyfriend in the evening but at about 10:30 I really just wanted to go home + be alone with my cat + think things over + cry and go to bed. My boyfriend took this as 'you don't want to spend time with me' no matter how much I explained I just wanted time alone.

However- my friend, lets call her K, her best friend was recently diagnosed with cancer + has completely shut K out of her life, saying she wanted to deal with it on her own. Now her friend is depressed and still shutting K out, but I really think she needs K now more than ever and just can't admit that she's depressed and needs other people to help her.
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Anonymous #1
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Yeah it's tricky, my friend said it in an email where she apologised for acting a bit distant and just said she needed time to sort things out. But I just think she's so used to not being able to depend on people for support, and thinks that if she's upset around me, I won't want to be there. Oh dear oh dear...
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~NC~
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Yer quite often i just want to be alone. I find i can cope more. When im upset i find it safer to be on my own, because if i have people i love around me i am worried i will say something i dont mean. If someone says they want to be alone respect there feelings, they will come to you for comfort when they feel ready. Dont take it personally if they want to be alone. When i feel like i want to be alone i mean it, i dont want people around me xD I guess only you can realise if your friend really wants to be alone
Hope that helped a little
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Duck and Cover
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In all honesty, I think that if I say this, I say that I want to be alone and stuff, but what i'd really like is for like my best friend or someone just come over and simply *be* there, you know? And just holding always helps lol! But only in exceptional circumstances
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planes12
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I need help aswell because if i'm upset i will not tell anyone because i don't want them to feel negative, however i would love someone to be there hugging me or something.

that's probably why i dont have friends due to the fact that i dont show people that i am lonely because i dont want to infringe on other peoples friendships.

i dunno i mean im talking to some people on the internet so that is good and realised that i can make friends in real life and that it was probably due to the fact that my othr jobs dont really have my type of people or they have a wife and kids and stuff.

this new job is good though so who knows, anyway im chatting with a nice girl on the internet so who knows. i mean ive not had a relationship like ever, welol the last was when i was 10 and im 23 now.:p:
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belis
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If I say it I mean it. I can be very nasty to people and push all the wrong buttons in them when I am upset so I prefere to be alone until I compose myself for sanity of everyone involved.

With regards to your friend do not push it but at the same time give her opportunities to do something with you if she wants. Just call her from time to time or send a text asking if she would fancy going shopping/cinema or something like that. This way if she feels like a compnay she can have it and when you are doing some stuff together she may well decide to talk about why she is upset but I would not bring it if I were you. Even if she decideds not to go she will now that she still have a friend out there if she suddenly feels like a company.
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littlemissalex
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#9
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it does depend on the person; you could always try to stick around after they've told you to go and if they show signs that they want to speak about it, then they obviously dont. But if they tell you again to go away, then respect that. Personally, i do want to be alone so i can get things sorted in my head. I hate relying on people for emotional support (or any support) cause i dont like depending on people; prefer sorting things out myself..
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Dalimyr
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#10
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Very much depends on the person. Personally, I tend to want to be alone for a few hours just so I can sort things out in my head...after I think I've done that, I may well want someone there - even if not for support, just to be there to talk to or to take my mind off of whatever I'd been thinking about.
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Anonymous #2
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ya, my oppenion, some people will want to be alone to THINK, ANALYSE, and then RECOVER!

But i think the best way to release your sadness is to CRY. I don't want to sound babyish or girly but it does help. When you cry there's some chemical reaction inside your body and will release your sadness! maybe she doesn't want to let you see her cry?
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Anonymous #1
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Ooh thanks guys, it's hard to read - it does seem to differ with each person. I guess I hate that I can't help her, when we're are such close friends. I hate thinking she's having to go through this alone...
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ems33
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im an only child, and love my own company
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by belis)
If I say it I mean it. I can be very nasty to people and push all the wrong buttons in them when I am upset so I prefere to be alone until I compose myself for sanity of everyone involved.

With regards to your friend do not push it but at the same time give her opportunities to do something with you if she wants. Just call her from time to time or send a text asking if she would fancy going shopping/cinema or something like that. This way if she feels like a compnay she can have it and when you are doing some stuff together she may well decide to talk about why she is upset but I would not bring it if I were you. Even if she decideds not to go she will now that she still have a friend out there if she suddenly feels like a company.
That would be my answer.
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Note
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#15
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I'm the middle child of 3, but also love to be alone. Doesn't mean I don't want someone there for me though. Try to be as observant of what she wants as possible and do what your instincts tell you. You'll pick up a lot more than your conciousness takes credit for.
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sssh
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#16
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God, yes.

I get so annoyed when people think there's something wrong that they can help with when I tell them to leave me alone. It just seems like they're being interfering. But it depends on the tone, I suppose. Don't keep pushing for her to talk to or confide in you about something, she might just be feeling melancholy and wants some time to think. I get so sick of people asking me what's wrong that I eventually just snap and say "do I have to make a problem up to get you to leave me alone?"

I guess you don't want that to happen, so judge things carefully.
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sssh
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#17
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Oh, it depends on her previous character too. I forgot to say that.
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aurion
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#18
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well yeah ... if im upset i want to be by myself and i want huggs. perhaps you should leave her for a little while to give her chance to calm down and then go and comfort her. everyone appreiciates space when their upset it will give them chance to compose themselves and calmdown a little.
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Bunny Boiler
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#19
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I don't like to be alone but i hate large groups of people...

Just being with one friend suites me...

When i'm upset it helps me to know someone cares...
It helps to have a friend...If i didn't i would probably feel a lot worse...
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1013
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#20
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When I say I wanna be alone, I do mean it, but then I'm the type of person who feels easliy crowded. I guess some people might say it as a reverse psychology thing meaning that they really want some attention. So not sure! (How helpful am I?)
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