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I don't feel like I know my friends anymore Watch

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    For the past month or so I've just felt really disconnected from my two closest friends. We've known each other since we started high school, but became really close a year and a half ago. Since then we've stayed close but maybe 4 months ago I realised that I was really starting to grow apart from them. We'd always had a really sarcastic relationship, but I just feel like recently they've been intentionally singling me out. I know I sound paranoid and hypersensitive, but it just made me start to think a bit more about our friendship and how it's changed so much in such a short period of time.

    One of the girls (we'll call her Amy) just recently discovered alcohol and has been taking every opportunity to get hammered at these kind of borderline illegal parties. The other (Delilah) has been eagerly encouraging her too, which isn't really helping her much. I've never been big on the whole drinking scene and I feel like while they're out at these places together, I'm just sort of the mum. Though this means they have a bunch of inside jokes and references that I totally don't understand, I'm really not going to start getting pissed just so I can have more stuff in common with them again.

    Within the time that we've been close, Amy and Delilah have *****ed about each other pretty intensely once ever one or two months (it's seriously like clockwork hahaha). It makes me wonder how much they ***** about me behind my back too, especially as of late. More recently we'll be talking on the phone or on Skype and Amy and Delilah will be having a separate conversation on chat, which will primarily consist of them planning ways to somehow exclude me in the conversation. This in addition to a growing number of other little things they do to try to exclude me (ignoring me while we're walking, leaving before I'm ready, chastising me for not understanding something) not only make me seriously question what I struggle to call our friendship anymore, but also make me feel like I'm far more mature than them, which I think is just wrong. It doesn't so much hurt me, but instead makes me feel like a babysitter having to deal with two bratty children and that's now how a friendship should work!

    A few personality issues have come up recently as well. For the past month, both girls (Amy in particular) have been hammering that I'm too happy, too enthusiastic and, I'm being dead serious with this, I don't cry enough. The way they talk about it really does almost make me feel like it's wrong for me to be the way I am, but logically I know that what they're saying is totally crazy! Despite that, it doesn't feel too great for the two people who you thought were your best friends to say that your most prevalent personality traits are awful, especially when they aren't even bad!

    We were so crazy close (constant phone calls, sleepovers, facebook, twitter, EVERYTHING) for months at the beginning of our friendship that now I just feel like I'm obliged to participate in anything they suggest, even though I don't really want to go. I know that they're starting to become a negative influence on my life and on me personally, but I just really don't know how to distance myself without being awful and blatant. Partially because I have a feeling they could get pretty nasty and legitimately vengeful if I did, but also because I'm so close to graduating (5 months!) that I don't really see the point. What do I do?! :confused:
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    (Original post by brontepie)
    For the past month or so I've just felt really disconnected from my two closest friends. We've known each other since we started high school, but became really close a year and a half ago. Since then we've stayed close but maybe 4 months ago I realised that I was really starting to grow apart from them. We'd always had a really sarcastic relationship, but I just feel like recently they've been intentionally singling me out. I know I sound paranoid and hypersensitive, but it just made me start to think a bit more about our friendship and how it's changed so much in such a short period of time.

    One of the girls (we'll call her Amy) just recently discovered alcohol and has been taking every opportunity to get hammered at these kind of borderline illegal parties. The other (Delilah) has been eagerly encouraging her too, which isn't really helping her much. I've never been big on the whole drinking scene and I feel like while they're out at these places together, I'm just sort of the mum. Though this means they have a bunch of inside jokes and references that I totally don't understand, I'm really not going to start getting pissed just so I can have more stuff in common with them again.

    Within the time that we've been close, Amy and Delilah have *****ed about each other pretty intensely once ever one or two months (it's seriously like clockwork hahaha). It makes me wonder how much they ***** about me behind my back too, especially as of late. More recently we'll be talking on the phone or on Skype and Amy and Delilah will be having a separate conversation on chat, which will primarily consist of them planning ways to somehow exclude me in the conversation. This in addition to a growing number of other little things they do to try to exclude me (ignoring me while we're walking, leaving before I'm ready, chastising me for not understanding something) not only make me seriously question what I struggle to call our friendship anymore, but also make me feel like I'm far more mature than them, which I think is just wrong. It doesn't so much hurt me, but instead makes me feel like a babysitter having to deal with two bratty children and that's now how a friendship should work!

    A few personality issues have come up recently as well. For the past month, both girls (Amy in particular) have been hammering that I'm too happy, too enthusiastic and, I'm being dead serious with this, I don't cry enough. The way they talk about it really does almost make me feel like it's wrong for me to be the way I am, but logically I know that what they're saying is totally crazy! Despite that, it doesn't feel too great for the two people who you thought were your best friends to say that your most prevalent personality traits are awful, especially when they aren't even bad!

    We were so crazy close (constant phone calls, sleepovers, facebook, twitter, EVERYTHING) for months at the beginning of our friendship that now I just feel like I'm obliged to participate in anything they suggest, even though I don't really want to go. I know that they're starting to become a negative influence on my life and on me personally, but I just really don't know how to distance myself without being awful and blatant. Partially because I have a feeling they could get pretty nasty and legitimately vengeful if I did, but also because I'm so close to graduating (5 months!) that I don't really see the point. What do I do?! :confused:
    In my opinion, for someone to comment that you're too happy and that you need to cry more - that says to me that those friends must be unhappy within themselves.
    You could try talking to them and casually ask if everything is ok with them or if anything's going on.

    If that doesn't work and i'm feeling down, then i'd just try and fill my time with other things rather than hanging out with them. E.g chat with other people, join a club, or just do my own things like reading and stuff.
    If it were me I wouldn't offer a big speech about how 'I am no longer going to spend time with them', i'd just gently drift away. Now, this depends entirely on the person, but depending on how 'horrible' they were being then i would or wouldn't leave the door open to my life again if I got a random call from them crying to talk or something or if they accepted the distance and just tried to grow the friendship again through getting into contact.
 
 
 
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