Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter

    can you tell me if these are good lyrics and if they could be improved, if you have any lyrics you would like to share with me i would be glad to know them!

    The death toll rises
    The children cry
    The mother dies before their feet
    The father if nowhere to be seen

    The explosion killing us all
    Injuring hearts for a lifetime to come
    Never regaining their trust
    Their strength fading away into dust

    I walk along these broken streets
    the bodies on the floor
    pools of blood
    the smell of death
    is overwhelming.

    Your like a nuclear bomb
    With a licence to kill
    Destruction is your aim
    And killing is your game

    Cant you hear them screaming?
    Cant you hear them crying?
    Why cant you see, that what you’ve done
    Is shattering peoples worlds into peaces.
    So why
    Why you do it in the first place?
    Why you leave these people here to die?
    Struck be war. By death.
    Its all they know,
    They grew up on hate and bombs
    Peace is an imaginary place
    Where we come to sing
    Sing a song to end all wars

    Where no one cries
    Where no one dies

    We no fights are there
    None to win or lose
    No bombs, no guns, no mines.
    Just hearts and minds

    Where children are free
    Free to sing
    Free to dance
    Free to roam the world as one.

    Doesn't seem to flow, do you have an instrumental this goes to

    You need to be more subtle if you want someone to feel what your saying.
    • Thread Starter

    thankyou for the comments. i know im rubbish at them but my frined said they were good so i wanted to double check! and no i dont have an instrumental

    It's good but if you can play an instrument along with the lyrics it would sound great!

    They're quite... dark. Also each line is rhythmically different, and as you asked if they were good 'lyrics' then I'll assume you are writing for a song. It could be improved by making them more uniform.

    I'm going to bed now, I will probably have nightmares. Any chance of writing a Christmas song?

    No one would listen to that song, I mean.....that is pretty dark.
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 1, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
    Useful resources

    Quick link:

    Unanswered creative corner threads

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.