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Inexperienced and don't know how to go about pursuing someone - help? Watch

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    I'm a 17 year old girl and I haven't had a relationship before. Up until now, I've never really had proper feelings for anyone apart from a few meaningless 'crushes' (for want of a better word) when I was younger and going through school. Now that I'm 17 I feel like I'm ready for something more lasting and meaningful and for a while now I've really, really liked a guy in my year at Sixth Form. We have really similar taste in music and just generally similar views on things and lots in common, which is part of the reason I like him so much (and obviously a good basis to get to know someone).

    We both went to the same party recently and talked for quite a while about music and stuff and I felt like we really hit it off, although alcohol definitely helped us both come out of our shells. The problem though, is that I'm painfully shy and lacking in confidence and I really struggle to talk to people who I don't know very well, so I don't know how to go about talking to him at school when we're both sober etc. (he's quite introverted as well I think). I don't get many opportunities to be able to talk to him on his own or have a proper conversation really.

    I've never felt more serious about anyone/anything and I really want to get to know him more because I want to become friends with him first and foremost because I think a lot of the best relationships start from really solid friendships. I'm just not sure how to go about getting to know him and potentially making this happen. My friend suggested I start a casual conversation on Facebook, but I don't want to rely on the security of being behind screen, I want to do it face to face.

    I'm just a bit confused about this and inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Also when do you think is the right point to tell someone how you feel about them? I wouldn't want to spring something like that on someone until I knew them well, otherwise it'd be a bit creepy maybe. I'd appreciate any advice so much. Thanks in advance.
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    chat and become good friends via facebook or preferably face to face. ask him if he wants to go see a movie or something just as friends. get to know each other better. maybe turns into relationship.
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    At 17 I was in exactly the same position as you. I had never had a b/f or anything serious, was quite shy but had gotten to know one guy in particular in my year with whom I shared a similar sense of humour, music tastes, interests, etc. We developed a friendship in high school and went out at uni for a while.
    I understand how you feel, it is really difficult to know how to build a relationship. But honestly, it sounds like the foundations are already there for you both. If you feel a connection, I'm certain he feels an attraction to you too. But you're absolutely right to start as friends.
    I think you might risk making things uncomfortable between you if you do anything too obvious like ask for his number, at least not in the begininng.
    I think things well develop naturally. Imagine that you are already friends in a way and this will take away some of the nerves but I appreciate it's difficult.
    Are you n the same classes? sit near him, talk to him, make him laugh. Keep going to parties you might find him at. If you pass him smile at him like you would an old friend. Does he take your bus, could you walk his way to school? All these things are more subtle ways to strike up a convo. start small and it will evolve.
    Later on, as you become friends you might have to be braver still. But do it. For example, he may drop a really huge hint he wants to hang out or his friends might tease him. Don't react negatively even if its embarrassing.
    I hope this helps!
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    Perhaps you ought to create excuses to talk to him. If you feel like there's some sort of "connection' then talking to him shouldn't be too hard
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    It's a great idea to start up a chat on facebook but you have to back it up in person and carry on the banter otherwise it'll just stay a screen-relationship.

    I work with a guy who I started to like and I told him about a good skiing video on youtube and i used facebook to send it to him and we worked from there. We used to chat till 3am on facebook then see each other at work that day and laugh about how tired we both were. I was the one that asked him out for a few drinks cos he wasn't making any direct moves even though he was hinting (if you wanna make a move first then do it, don't wait till the guy asks!).

    I think it was easier for us though because he's 25 and I'm 22 so we both know how to make it not awkward but I feel your pain. I was really shy in school too, but I just learned a few tricks over time that helped me improve. Things like asking more questions which makes you sound interested in him, talking a bit louder than you feel like doing, smiling more, try cracking a joke, do a bit of playful teasing, talking about stuff you both share interests in like your music and not being so hard on yourself Try starting a conversation by asking if he's heard a certain song or band e.g. "hey, y'alright? I heard a cool song yesterday, ever heard of ...?"

    Don't worry about telling him how you feel cos it might make it a bit awkward. Movies and tv programmes tend to exagerate the typical "I like you, will you go out with me?" and I think there's pressure on you both once you've 'agreed' to go out. My bf and I only said we like each other after we'd been on lots of dates and stuff.

    Most importantly, be yourself and relax!
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    (Original post by ciaocat)
    At 17 I was in exactly the same position as you. I had never had a b/f or anything serious, was quite shy but had gotten to know one guy in particular in my year with whom I shared a similar sense of humour, music tastes, interests, etc. We developed a friendship in high school and went out at uni for a while.
    I understand how you feel, it is really difficult to know how to build a relationship. But honestly, it sounds like the foundations are already there for you both. If you feel a connection, I'm certain he feels an attraction to you too. But you're absolutely right to start as friends.
    I think you might risk making things uncomfortable between you if you do anything too obvious like ask for his number, at least not in the begininng.
    I think things well develop naturally. Imagine that you are already friends in a way and this will take away some of the nerves but I appreciate it's difficult.
    Are you n the same classes? sit near him, talk to him, make him laugh. Keep going to parties you might find him at. If you pass him smile at him like you would an old friend. Does he take your bus, could you walk his way to school? All these things are more subtle ways to strike up a convo. start small and it will evolve.
    Later on, as you become friends you might have to be braver still. But do it. For example, he may drop a really huge hint he wants to hang out or his friends might tease him. Don't react negatively even if its embarrassing.
    I hope this helps!
    Thank you for the help Unfortunately there are hardly any opportunities for me to talk to him because we don't have any of the same lessons and he lives slightly out of the local area so we walk home different ways. The most I see of him really is just passing in the corridor or in the common room (where he's generally with his friends anyway). The only positive thing is that the guy who threw the party we both went to tends to throw them every few months when he comes home from uni as a way of keeping in touch with his friends, so there'll definitely be more party opportunities if nothing else. I think things are a little awkward at the moment because we both went from not having talked to each other properly before to having a long, intense, slightly drunken conversation, and then back to the sobriety of school...so it's hard to strike up that rapport again in such a different scenario.

    I'm definitely going to try and take any opportunity I can to speak to him though and really make the most of the next party we go to as well. You're right though, I haven't got anything to lose so I should definitely try! Thank you!
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    (Original post by RowingGoose)
    It's a great idea to start up a chat on facebook but you have to back it up in person and carry on the banter otherwise it'll just stay a screen-relationship.

    I work with a guy who I started to like and I told him about a good skiing video on youtube and i used facebook to send it to him and we worked from there. We used to chat till 3am on facebook then see each other at work that day and laugh about how tired we both were. I was the one that asked him out for a few drinks cos he wasn't making any direct moves even though he was hinting (if you wanna make a move first then do it, don't wait till the guy asks!).

    I think it was easier for us though because he's 25 and I'm 22 so we both know how to make it not awkward but I feel your pain. I was really shy in school too, but I just learned a few tricks over time that helped me improve. Things like asking more questions which makes you sound interested in him, talking a bit louder than you feel like doing, smiling more, try cracking a joke, do a bit of playful teasing, talking about stuff you both share interests in like your music and not being so hard on yourself Try starting a conversation by asking if he's heard a certain song or band e.g. "hey, y'alright? I heard a cool song yesterday, ever heard of ...?"

    Don't worry about telling him how you feel cos it might make it a bit awkward. Movies and tv programmes tend to exagerate the typical "I like you, will you go out with me?" and I think there's pressure on you both once you've 'agreed' to go out. My bf and I only said we like each other after we'd been on lots of dates and stuff.

    Most importantly, be yourself and relax!
    He introduced me to a couple of bands so I was thinking that talking about them and how much I've gotten into them as a conversation starter...it's just difficult because there's hardly ever an opportunity. If I had the chance to talk to him alone it'd be ideal because I think we'd really get on, but because he's always around friends and I only see him occasionally around school it's a bit awkward. I suppose I'll just have to really make the most of the next party we go to and hopefully have the guts to keep the rapport going the next week when we're back at school and stuff. Thank you very much for the advice though, it really helps
 
 
 
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