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    Hey everyone,

    Basically my friend's daughter is 16 and has incurable cancer. I want to do everything I can to support my friend through this, but have absolutely no idea how to go about that.

    I struggled when she was diagnosed in May last year but it was more a case of keeping spirits up going through treatment etc. They stopped treatment a week ago as there's nothing more they can do, it's spread to several other parts of the body, and she's so ill that she's not expected to make it past the weekend (although I know with these things you never know and can't really put a time frame on it).

    Helping her through this part is the easy bit, because I know what's going to happen. I feel selfish asking for help when she's going through all of this but I genuinely don't know what the heck to say or do to be of any actual "help".

    Should I leave her alone? Keep her busy? Invite her round for meals? Invite her to come and stay with me for a while? And when I do see her, what can you talk about?! What kind of conversation could possibly take place when something like this is happening??

    I'm kind of hoping that there's someone with experience, and I'm sorry that it will mean you having to think about that experience- but I feel about as much use as a chocolate teapot right now so literally anything would help here.
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    Just can really just be there for her. Ask her regularly if she needs anything. If you notice that she's not eating - bring her food. If she can't sleep at her house - invite her over to yours. You get the idea.

    Thing is - everybody griefs differently. You'll have to take it day by day.

    I wish you and her the best of luck!
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    Woah, you are not at all being selfish so get that thought out of your head. You're doing what any decent person would do in this scenario. Also, it seems you, yourself have formed a close friendship with the girl so you will need to grieve yourself too. Don't bottle it up.
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    (Original post by arina162)
    Just can really just be there for her. Ask her regularly if she needs anything. If you notice that she's not eating - bring her food. If she can't sleep at her house - invite her over to yours. You get the idea.

    Thing is - everybody griefs differently. You'll have to take it day by day.

    I wish you and her the best of luck!
    Thank you. This was the approach I was going to take, but I don't want her to feel suffocated by me. I also don't want her to get lonely. So hard to get the balance right! It is just her and her daughter, and they live quite a way from any family so it would be easy to be alone, I think.

    (Original post by gagaslilmonsteruk)
    Woah, you are not at all being selfish so get that thought out of your head. You're doing what any decent person would do in this scenario. Also, it seems you, yourself have formed a close friendship with the girl so you will need to grieve yourself too. Don't bottle it up.
    It is affecting me ridiculously, and I'm getting no support from my friends other than to say "oh sorry to hear that" when I mention anything. In fact, one of my friends told me to stop talking about it because she has "her own problems to deal with" and from then I shut up really. I have a sibling of around the same age, and I just keep thinking what my friend's daughter should be doing with her life now and it upsets me. I can hold it together when I'm around at my friend's, but then get home and just lose it. None of my friends are there for me because I suppose they don't realise how it can affect other people who are outside of the situation..

    Sorry for the rant by the way, I appreciate the replies .
 
 
 
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