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    Last Saturday I tried to make contact with my Dad for the first time in 18 years. I have an unusual surname so it wasn't too hard to track him down (well more correctly track down his daughters and so my half-sisters) but that made me fret about why he had never bothered to look for me! I lost my mum - his first wife - in the time between school and university and I was feeling rootless and sad. Nobody has got back to me so I don't know what to do next.
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    You should be excited?


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    I'm sorry for the loss of your mother but why didn't your dad take you in or at least contact you when going through such horrible phase? Do you live in a care home by any chance or by yourself. I don't see why you should make the effort he is your dad he should be running to come see you not the other way round.

    Goodluck hope you find him.
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    As the person said do you want to make contact with him even after him not making contact with you? If you think he can make a difference in helping you feel better do it but if it might end in you getting hurt then I don't think its a great idea.

    Hope everything ends up okay though.
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    People should stop being so shortsighted.

    That's your dad. And you got a chance to meet him. You SHOULD go meet him.

    You should see this as life giving you a second chance. Don't hold grudges. Look beyond it.


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    (Original post by RedArrow)
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    People should stop being so shortsighted.

    That's your dad. And you got a chance to meet him. You SHOULD go meet him.

    You should see this as life giving you a second chance. Don't hold grudges. Look beyond it.


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    Second chance?
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    I haven't seen my mother since I was five (long story but she couldnt help it, unlike your father). If you think about it, yes he is your biological father, and in that way you feel a connection to him, but if he didnt even care about seeing you in eighteen years then maybe it's not worth it? Obviously he could have changed by now, however you had to go looking for him and so maybe he hasn't changed that much after all. From your paragraph I take it you've never met him? In that sense, he has absolutely no bond with you, and he could walk past you in the street and you wouldn't know it.
    In conclusion, there could be extenuating circumstances (his family refused to let him see or contact you, he's intimidated etc) but at the end of it, if he really cared and those aren't true, he would have tried to get in touch.
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    For my own peace of mind I am going to phone my Dad (I now have a #), probably this morning because I don't want to go through the rest of my life wondering about him (and my half sisters). If it doesn't work out, and I'm not optimistic that it will, at least I can tell myself that I tried.
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    A lot of people are saying things like "no he didn't try and contact you" - noone here knows ANY of the circumstances involved in this, and we don't know whether the OP even knows the full story. We don't even know if the Dad knew of the Mum's death!

    Good on you OP - ring him up and talk to him. His grudge is with your Mum. You are still his child! My friend was adopted and went to meet her biological sisters. She didn't get on with them, but afterwards she was happy that she could put that piece of her away. You will always wonder if you don't take these steps now!
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    (Original post by TallSlimCaroline)
    For my own peace of mind I am going to phone my Dad (I now have a #), probably this morning because I don't want to go through the rest of my life wondering about him (and my half sisters). If it doesn't work out, and I'm not optimistic that it will, at least I can tell myself that I tried.
    Good decision.

    May the force be with you.



    (Original post by linkdapink)
    A lot of people are saying things like "no he didn't try and contact you" - noone here knows ANY of the circumstances involved in this, and we don't know whether the OP even knows the full story. We don't even know if the Dad knew of the Mum's death!

    Good on you OP - ring him up and talk to him. His grudge is with your Mum. You are still his child! My friend was adopted and went to meet her biological sisters. She didn't get on with them, but afterwards she was happy that she could put that piece of her away. You will always wonder if you don't take these steps now!
    It's feels good to read such replies!

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    (Original post by RedArrow)
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    People should stop being so shortsighted.

    That's your dad. And you got a chance to meet him. You SHOULD go meet him.

    You should see this as life giving you a second chance. Don't hold grudges. Look beyond it.


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    Sorry, but I stopped seeing my dad a decade ago because he constantly lied and was mentally and physically abusive. I'm not going into any detail, but lets just say that the last time I met him, I saw him put my mother in intensive care.

    I have chances to meet him, but that doesn't mean I should. I gave him many chances before, and ended up being psychologically messed up for a period because of that.

    So please can you stop being short-sighted?
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    (Original post by Faberry)
    Sorry, but I stopped seeing my dad a decade ago because he constantly lied and was mentally and physically abusive. I'm not going into any detail, but lets just say that the last time I met him, I saw him put my mother in intensive care.

    I have chances to meet him, but that doesn't mean I should. I gave him many chances before, and ended up being psychologically messed up for a period because of that.

    So please can you stop being short-sighted?
    You air head. OP hasn't met his/her da for 18 years. Now the OP has got a lead, she SHOULD get on with that lead.

    I couldn't give **** abt your story or will I ever. So save your time and just go with what you want to convey directly.


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    (Original post by TallSlimCaroline)
    For my own peace of mind I am going to phone my Dad (I now have a #), probably this morning because I don't want to go through the rest of my life wondering about him (and my half sisters). If it doesn't work out, and I'm not optimistic that it will, at least I can tell myself that I tried.
    Best of luck!!!
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    (Original post by Faberry)
    Sorry, but I stopped seeing my dad a decade ago because he constantly lied and was mentally and physically abusive. I'm not going into any detail, but lets just say that the last time I met him, I saw him put my mother in intensive care.

    I have chances to meet him, but that doesn't mean I should. I gave him many chances before, and ended up being psychologically messed up for a period because of that.

    So please can you stop being short-sighted?
    That's your Dad.
    Your story might not repeat for her.

    OP, go meet your Dad. Life is too short to be wondering.
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    (Original post by RedArrow)

    I couldn't give **** abt your story or will I ever. So save your time and just go with what you want to convey directly.


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    You just defined short-sightedness, well done.

    I didn't expect you to care, trolls like you never do. She needs to be cautious, that's all I'm exampling.
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    Yes!! Go for it!! You wouldn't know if you don't try. Most people on here are saying "NO, don't" because of their experiences but they haven't considered if your case would be any different, which is selfish of them. I will say go for it. If I were in your position, I would. Sometimes, we need to put our grudges and egos aside. Hope your call goes as well as you wish or better
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    (Original post by TallSlimCaroline)
    Last Saturday I tried to make contact with my Dad for the first time in 18 years. I have an unusual surname so it wasn't too hard to track him down (well more correctly track down his daughters and so my half-sisters) but that made me fret about why he had never bothered to look for me! I lost my mum - his first wife - in the time between school and university and I was feeling rootless and sad. Nobody has got back to me so I don't know what to do next.
    How is everything going so far?

    It seems like a difficult situation, how come your dad never kept touch, it sounds very weird especially at such a tragic time.
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    I think trying to contact him is a good idea. Seeing as it's been so long, you may not know the exact circumstances of why he left. I only recently started speaking with my father after he was forced to leave to US because of my mother. In my situation, I was lied to about what happened and my father was made constantly said to be an evil person (fortunately, I was able to recognize that my mother is actually insane, and lies about nearly everything). I hadn't had anyone to call my family until I visited my dad -- and some paternal relatives; part of that was definitely finding a parent, after having lost that it is something that I am incredibly grateful for. Just that has made me a much happier person, and if you think it'll have a similar result then you shouldn't hesitate to go for it.
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    Well I have now spoken to my Dad. But he didn’t seem over interested in speaking to me so it wasn’t a long conversation – perhaps 15 minutes in all. The main thing from his side was that he didn’t want his children (16 and 14) to find out that they had an older half-sister. He mentioned that at least three times!
    I was 2 the last time he saw me and I don’t remember him at all although of course I have seen lots of photos of him. He knew that my mum, his first wife, had died but hadn’t felt he needed to get into contact with me. I thought that decision was rather strange but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want a row.
    We have, sort of, agreed to meet but when and where hasn’t been decided. He also wouldn’t say if his wife knew about me so I think she probably doesn’t. This might get nasty?
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    (Original post by TallSlimCaroline)
    Well I have now spoken to my Dad. But he didn’t seem over interested in speaking to me so it wasn’t a long conversation – perhaps 15 minutes in all. The main thing from his side was that he didn’t want his children (16 and 14) to find out that they had an older half-sister. He mentioned that at least three times!
    I was 2 the last time he saw me and I don’t remember him at all although of course I have seen lots of photos of him. He knew that my mum, his first wife, had died but hadn’t felt he needed to get into contact with me. I thought that decision was rather strange but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want a row.
    We have, sort of, agreed to meet but when and where hasn’t been decided. He also wouldn’t say if his wife knew about me so I think she probably doesn’t. This might get nasty?
    Seems like he kept his past life a secret to be honest.........
    I would say to be wary and not to get overly attached at the moment, especially emotionally.... I find it hard to believe that such people exist today who simply ignore their own blood and forget about them and move on, its not supposed to be like a relationship..........Good luck about it, but I don't really see much moving ahead as nothings been arranged, adnw whos gonna call who next to arrange it makes it quite awkward.
 
 
 
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