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    First off, anon because related people probably use this forum.

    Okay, so long story short, I met a girl a fair few months ago, she lives quite far away so we spent alot of time talking/texting because of the distance. We eventually met up had a bit of a two day fling, lots of chemistry etc. Both really enjoyed our time together.

    Since then we've kept in contact, we even spoke about where things were going between us and kind of agreed to just keep it as friends for now. However since then it's been more of the same, talked lots, still flirting loads and we often talk about meeting up again, trying to plan things around uni and work.

    Although recently she seems to be a little bit off with me, not texting as often and the last time I brought up seeing one another she said it wasnt the best of times with exams coming up. That's fair enough but I have that feeling that it may just be an excuse. I don't really want to bring anything up with her because it'll make me look a bit clingy, it's just strange that the other week she was talking about coming to visit me in summer and now it's 'bad timing'.

    So trying to avoid talking to her again I thought about maybe talking to one of her mates, just politely ask for some advice as they know her better than I do. Then again, they'll more than likely tell her ive been asking questions and this could create problems for me...

    It might just be all in my head but to me it seems that she's being extremely hot and cold.

    What do you lot reckon, should I mention something to one of her friends?

    Cheers.
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    Basically, no. They're her friends and they will tell everything you've told them to her.

    Yes, she might be hot and cold (or whatever), but it's no reason for you to start asking her friends about it. If you were in her position, how would you feel if someone started asking your friends about you, and why you're acting strange? If she was indeed being cold to you for a reason, then her friends will take the same stance. I think you're looking to ask her friends because you want to hear an answer that makes you happy. It probably won't happen.

    Some people really do throw themselves into their exams, and just don't talk to anyone. Especially if it comes to new relationships. For example, I've kind of been seeing a guy before Easter. But now with exams coming up, I've kinda pushed back on our contact and texts. I know when he finishes, and he knows when I finish, so we'll catch up after then.

    Maybe just ask her when her exams finish, so you know when everything'll be back to normal. Wish her luck, and catch up with her again after. If it really is the exams stopping her contacting you, then everything will go back to normal after. If not, then a girl who makes up excuses like that without finalising anything isn't worth your time. You should never try to make someone 'love' you. It won't work.
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    No!! They will definitely tell her
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    (Original post by Mother_Russia)
    Basically, no. They're her friends and they will tell everything you've told them to her.

    Yes, she might be hot and cold (or whatever), but it's no reason for you to start asking her friends about it. If you were in her position, how would you feel if someone started asking your friends about you, and why you're acting strange? If she was indeed being cold to you for a reason, then her friends will take the same stance. I think you're looking to ask her friends because you want to hear an answer that makes you happy. It probably won't happen.

    Some people really do throw themselves into their exams, and just don't talk to anyone. Especially if it comes to new relationships. For example, I've kind of been seeing a guy before Easter. But now with exams coming up, I've kinda pushed back on our contact and texts. I know when he finishes, and he knows when I finish, so we'll catch up after then.

    Maybe just ask her when her exams finish, so you know when everything'll be back to normal. Wish her luck, and catch up with her again after. If it really is the exams stopping her contacting you, then everything will go back to normal after. If not, then a girl who makes up excuses like that without finalising anything isn't worth your time. You should never try to make someone 'love' you. It won't work.
    I wasn't expecting such a detailed answer but thank you so much for taking the time to do so!

    Yeah, it did seem a sketchy idea talking to her friends but like you said I am just looking for some kind of answer, I'm the sort of guy that likes things being done if that makes any sense? Because if i'm hanging about waiting on some kind of response I tend to over-think things pretty much like I am doing now!

    Maybe it is just exams playing the part, it's not like the content of our texts have changed, she still asks me what ive been up to, jokes about flirts and what not. It was just after she said meeting up this month could be bad timing with exams the first thing I thought was she was making an excuse... I suppose I'll see how it goes after exams and see if she follows through with coming to visit in summer like she said.

    More importantly, I won't talk to her friends haha!

    Thanks for the advice! Really appreciate it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wasn't expecting such a detailed answer but thank you so much for taking the time to do so!

    Yeah, it did seem a sketchy idea talking to her friends but like you said I am just looking for some kind of answer, I'm the sort of guy that likes things being done if that makes any sense? Because if i'm hanging about waiting on some kind of response I tend to over-think things pretty much like I am doing now!

    Maybe it is just exams playing the part, it's not like the content of our texts have changed, she still asks me what ive been up to, jokes about flirts and what not. It was just after she said meeting up this month could be bad timing with exams the first thing I thought was she was making an excuse... I suppose I'll see how it goes after exams and see if she follows through with coming to visit in summer like she said.

    More importantly, I won't talk to her friends haha!

    Thanks for the advice! Really appreciate it!
    No problem. Don't over think things. In my social circle, everything's just paused as everyone's taking their exams and we're all planning everything from nights out to coffees after our exams.

    And even if you did ask your friends, you won't get a great answer. You'll either get the same answer as the girl you're seeing. As they'd probably discuss it with her first (we girls do like to do that). Alternatively, you'd just make it worse, as the girl would wonder if you don't trust her as you go around asking her friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...

    What do you lot reckon, should I mention something to one of her friends?

    Cheers.
    I'd really advise against speaking to her friends about this; they are pretty likely to tell her and if she takes it the wrong way, as opposed to you genuinely just wanting to see whether she's okay, it might affect your chances of this working out for you both.

    I know it's easier said than done but maybe you should just wait it out a little longer; you've said that everything was going pretty well till now and you don't think anything specific has happened between you both that could have led her to act this way - so maybe she's telling the truth, perhaps she is just caught up with exam stress at the moment.
    Just wait a couple of weeks, still remain in contact and keep the same kind of flirty connection between you guys but maybe just don't be as full on as you both were before, she might just need a little breathing space whilst she gets through the exam period.

    Try not to worry too much or jump to any conclusions. Stay calm and just give it some time to play out and then once exams are over you know there's no 'excuse' anymore so you can be more forthcoming about what's going on with her (if things don't begin to go back to how you guys were, that is)

    Good luck, OP
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    I agree that you should not ask her friends! Just in case she gets the wrong impression!
    Could you update about what happens when her exams are over? Because I'm kind of in the same situation as you, I'd really like to know if it's really going to work out.
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    Thanks again for the responses! Small update but me and a few friends were over visiting a mate of ours this weekend who lives where she does so I send her a text to see if she was going to be out. She said that she was hoping to be out if her friends were up for it and to let her know where I was going to be that night! She didn't up coming out but I guess its a good sign she wanted to know where I was going to be, presumably so we could meet up!

    She asked me how my night was the day after and said that if she'd come out on her own it might have been a bit awkward being with all my mates which is fair enough! It doesn't really seem that she's trying to avoid me at all so I guess i'll just carry on and see what happens, maybe see if she's got any free time before exams or try and plan something for when they are out of the way.

    I feel a bit silly for liking this girl so much but we've been in constant contact for almost a year now and we obviously have great chemistry between us, it's just a shame we live so far apart! I just hope that this eventually goes somewhere, she is by far one of the nicest girls ive met in a very long time :/
 
 
 
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