Friend? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 12 years ago
#1
so i used to go to sixth form with this guy..he joined the sixth form a year before i left sixth form..and we kinda used to chat to each other..more so on msn than we did when we were at school funnily enough...but we dont ever hang out - outside of school :confused: n we have been talking to each other for say a year now..ive always suggested we do something but he does not seem to be taking to that idea maybe he's scared or something..well mayb not scared but u know what i mean ...

Basically i was wandering firstly is this what u would class as a friendship..and second of all should i even continue being 'friends' with this guy..cos now i feel that if we did meet up it would just be weird now cos we havent physically seen each other in a while but always talked to each other online ..so is there any point to being friends with him

Weird situation i know..i dunno if im being harsh or whatever...just want to hear what u lot think ..thanks in advance :tsr2:
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Dalimyr
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#2
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Ultimately it's your choice what you do, but if you enjoy the online conversations with him then I don't see why you shouldn't keep contact with him. I've got friends that I only knew for a year (I moved school in my final year), and we've all gone our separate ways now - in the two years since we split up, I've only actually met two of them in person, but I email a few of the others from time to time (funnily enough, these were also people who I didn't hang around with much in school). It's still a friendship - the lack of a physical presence doesn't really alter that fact. I've got some friends who I've never met in person, but we've become quite close to each other through message boards and MSN/AIM.
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1013
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#3
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It is kkind of wierd that you talk online but not in real life but that seems to be what kids do these days. I'm a bit older so MSN wasn't really the thing when i was in school but it does seem strange that he doesn't want to meet up in real life. Have you actually asked him outright? Coz guys do not get subtle hints. Maybe you shou,d ask him to do somehting one more time and be clear about the fact that you are asking him so he has to give a proper answer. If he says not, or gets out of it, I prob wouldn't bother with him. It's not a real friendship if you never see eachother and never intend to.
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generalebriety
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#4
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Actually, 1013, most guys do get subtle hints. But if you don't want to say it straight out, neither do we. So we pretend we don't.

It is a friendship, albeit some sort of pseudo-friendship, if you speak to each other on msn a lot and enjoy each other's "company" - did you not get on as well in school as you do on msn? I have several friendships like this, all pretty annoying because I'd like to be "better" friends with them and they just don't seem to want to be. Just don't go for some sort of crazy emotional blackmail like "you can't be my friend if you don't want to see me, it doesn't make sense"... that only leads to, at best, him feeling sorry for you and any conversation you have in the near future being very awkward or, at worst, him not speaking to you again and telling other friends of yours how horrible you are etc. Conversely you might want to ask why he doesn't want to see you, and don't just drop subtle hints. Maybe something like "sorry if I seem blunt here but I've been wondering for a while...". Don't be forceful but don't let him off lightly either if it really is getting to you.

On the other hand if it's not getting to you and you just feel socially obliged to see him because you talk to him on msn and aren't really bothered either way, I'd say an msn friendship definitely counted as a passable friendship. In the end it's what both of you want that counts.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by generalebriety)
Actually, 1013, most guys do get subtle hints. But if you don't want to say it straight out, neither do we. So we pretend we don't.
That is really unhelpful! Its much more socially acceptable for you to be straight than us. Why do you have to make it awkward?
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generalebriety
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"You"? "Us"? And you think I'm acting socially inacceptably, are you taking the piss? Why can't girls just speak straight, then boys can speak straight and we'll all be happy, instead of girls laying down subtle hints and expecting boys to pick up on them? It's about as sexist as still expecting the man to pay. Yes it's common courtesy to offer, but it's not fair if the other person doesn't decline and do exactly the same thing back. That's the British way. I find it offensive how some girls (I assume you're a girl, due to your use of "you" and "us" like two separate races) pick up on selective sexism. As if women always have to be treated perfectly and with the utmost respect, but are at liberty to play with the emotions (and not to mention wallet) of any man they see available. I've seen it happen to so many of my friends.

It's thanks to people like you I've discovered the pleasures of being gay - I don't have to deal with you.
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pendragon
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#7
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(Original post by generalebriety)
Actually, 1013, most guys do get subtle hints.
I disagree, girls are much better with subtlety than guys. There have been times when a girl has been trying to flirt with me and I have been totally oblivious to the fact. This is especially true in terms of body language, though probably less true for some guys when it comes to language - which hints over msn would fall under. Girls are just generally better at social interaction and reading people's moods etc.
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pendragon
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(Original post by generalebriety)
It's thanks to people like you I've discovered the pleasures of being gay - I don't have to deal with you.
Perhaps gay men are better with social interaction and subtle hints than straight men; would you think so?
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1013
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#9
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(Original post by pendragon)
I disagree, girls are much better with subtlety than guys. There have been times when a girl has been trying to flirt with me and I have been totally oblivious to the fact. This is especially true in terms of body language, though probably less true for some guys when it comes to language - which hints over msn would fall under. Girls are just generally better at social interaction and reading people's moods etc.
Exactly. And becasue girls find it much easier to read the body language of others, the expect guys to be able to do the same. Maybe we are in the wrong in this respect but that's how it is. Yeah, it'd be great if everyone could just come right out and say "Here's how it is, I like you" but relationships aren't like that and people use subtlely to try and gage other peoples feelings before baring their own. It's more about self protecton.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 12 years ago
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Yea i have dropped hints...and they are not evenb subtle..like i suggested that we should meet up..i even suggested a day ..and then on the day he texts me back saying i have a cold or sumthink like that...so sublte hints dont work and even when i say it to him straight he dont seem interested ...so whats the conclusion people..should i even be bothering with him..or just continue to maintain a 'msn' friendship (as artificial as that sounds :rolleyes: )

Thanks people ! xx
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Dalimyr
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From what you've written, he doesn't seem too interested in taking things further, so I don't think you should bother pushing the relationship in that direction anymore...but again, you've got to ask yourself - are you happy with having him as a friend, even if you don't physically meet him? I don't really see the point in losing contact with a friend just because they didn't want to go further with you.
Your decision, hun, not ours...but I say keep him You never know, he may change his attitude in the future.
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generalebriety
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#12
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(Original post by pendragon)
Perhaps gay men are better with social interaction and subtle hints than straight men; would you think so?
In a way. I mean I'm not a huge fan of sexism / whatever you'd call this, but I know there are differences. Doesn't mean there aren't plenty of straight guys out there who can take a subtle hint and ignore it completely when they don't think the person talking is being completely honest with them though.
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