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Girlfriend with very strict parents
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months and I really like her but I feel that there is really no future in the relationship because of her strict parents.
We're both 20 and go to the same uni. We get to see each other during the week but her parents basically don't let her go out much at all apart from uni. She has a curfew on weekdays of like 8pm but sometimes they'll call her and want her home even earlier for no real reason.
At first it was okay and didn't seem to be a problem but now it just seems too big of a problem. We can't really do a lot of coupley things like go have dinner late or have her come to my house and stay over for the night and other things.
I feel bad because it's not her fault that she has strict parents but I've been in other long-term relationships and I just miss all those little things that I guess I took for granted that I can't do with her. At times it doesn't feel like I'm going out with her at all because I only see her at uni most of the time when we both don't have classes or lectures. Not sure really what to do.
We're both 20 and go to the same uni. We get to see each other during the week but her parents basically don't let her go out much at all apart from uni. She has a curfew on weekdays of like 8pm but sometimes they'll call her and want her home even earlier for no real reason.
At first it was okay and didn't seem to be a problem but now it just seems too big of a problem. We can't really do a lot of coupley things like go have dinner late or have her come to my house and stay over for the night and other things.
I feel bad because it's not her fault that she has strict parents but I've been in other long-term relationships and I just miss all those little things that I guess I took for granted that I can't do with her. At times it doesn't feel like I'm going out with her at all because I only see her at uni most of the time when we both don't have classes or lectures. Not sure really what to do.
My parents are very strict and my boyfriend accepts it he accepts that we cant go on holiday abroad or that I cant stay over his in the holidays or that he cant come round mine etc etc. But I explained this all to him before we started going out I also try and make a massive conscience effort do stuff when I can. My sort of hope is that once I finish uni and im earning my own money I can tell my parents to get stuffed and do what the hell I want but tilll then I have to abide by their rules.
Why dont you tell her how you feel she could always and I dont condone lying but ive been in her shoes she could always say shes at a friends for a sleepover or is studying late at uni etc maybe once youve told her she will try harder and atleast spend the occasional quality time with you but dont be to harsh on her because when you have parents like this its the most horrible thing ever
Why dont you tell her how you feel she could always and I dont condone lying but ive been in her shoes she could always say shes at a friends for a sleepover or is studying late at uni etc maybe once youve told her she will try harder and atleast spend the occasional quality time with you but dont be to harsh on her because when you have parents like this its the most horrible thing ever
Original post by SillyMilly
My parents are very strict and my boyfriend accepts it he accepts that we cant go on holiday abroad or that I cant stay over his in the holidays or that he cant come round mine etc etc. But I explained this all to him before we started going out I also try and make a massive conscience effort do stuff when I can. My sort of hope is that once I finish uni and im earning my own money I can tell my parents to get stuffed and do what the hell I want but tilll then I have to abide by their rules.
Why dont you tell her how you feel she could always and I dont condone lying but ive been in her shoes she could always say shes at a friends for a sleepover or is studying late at uni etc maybe once youve told her she will try harder and atleast spend the occasional quality time with you but dont be to harsh on her because when you have parents like this its the most horrible thing ever
Why dont you tell her how you feel she could always and I dont condone lying but ive been in her shoes she could always say shes at a friends for a sleepover or is studying late at uni etc maybe once youve told her she will try harder and atleast spend the occasional quality time with you but dont be to harsh on her because when you have parents like this its the most horrible thing ever
Why are you parents so strict?
Unfortunately you can't make her lie to her parents, although I'm surprised she's not done that anyway - I certainly would if my parents tried to control me like that, I'm the same age and legally an adult!
The best you can do is ask her to talk to them about how strict they are and to release their controls a bit.
The best you can do is ask her to talk to them about how strict they are and to release their controls a bit.
Wow 20 and she has to be in by 8pm I guess if she had the chance she would have moved out permanently
Original post by Guy Secretan
Why are you parents so strict?
I dont really know I was very sick when I was younger and in my early teens and I think my mum just is very protective and hasnt been able to let me grow up
Original post by SillyMilly
I dont really know I was very sick when I was younger and in my early teens and I think my mum just is very protective and hasnt been able to let me grow up
so really she's just nervous and trying to protect you, just going slighltly OTT?
Original post by Future-doc
so really she's just nervous and trying to protect you, just going slighltly OTT?
yeah I guess so, I mean she treats me like im still sick she wont let me do anything that will make me tired or make my heart rate go up etc so I suppose shes just worrying like you say!
Wow. I have to ask - why doesn't she tell her parents to leave her the Hell alone? I've never had a curfew, and if my parents tried to give me one now I think I'd die laughing.
she must be asian
Original post by Rock Fan
Wow 20 and she has to be in by 8pm I guess if she had the chance she would have moved out permanently
Exactly, I mean people talk about strict parents and they're a little strict but this is full on. If she could move out she probably would but obviously she's still at uni and there's little she can do.
The problem is also that we've only been together 6 months and they are her parents. I've tried encouraging her to try be a bit more rebellious and push the boundaries a little and see what happens but she doesn't really. Part of me thinks that makes sense, they are her parents and I'm only a 6 month boyfriend. But at the same time it seems good for her generally even if she isn't with me, because I don't see many really putting up with that.
I mean they don't even know about me at all. I feel like even if I do keep going out with her, what happens? She wants to do a PhD so she won't really have a job and therefore doesn't "need" to move out. Even if she did I feel like they'd want her to live with them. I know there's nothing holding her back moving out in that scenario but I guess it's a fear of losing her parents and you know, she might lose me too then she feels like "**** i've lost everyone".
Original post by Anonymous
Exactly, I mean people talk about strict parents and they're a little strict but this is full on. If she could move out she probably would but obviously she's still at uni and there's little she can do.
The problem is also that we've only been together 6 months and they are her parents. I've tried encouraging her to try be a bit more rebellious and push the boundaries a little and see what happens but she doesn't really. Part of me thinks that makes sense, they are her parents and I'm only a 6 month boyfriend. But at the same time it seems good for her generally even if she isn't with me, because I don't see many really putting up with that.
I mean they don't even know about me at all. I feel like even if I do keep going out with her, what happens? She wants to do a PhD so she won't really have a job and therefore doesn't "need" to move out. Even if she did I feel like they'd want her to live with them. I know there's nothing holding her back moving out in that scenario but I guess it's a fear of losing her parents and you know, she might lose me too then she feels like "**** i've lost everyone".
The problem is also that we've only been together 6 months and they are her parents. I've tried encouraging her to try be a bit more rebellious and push the boundaries a little and see what happens but she doesn't really. Part of me thinks that makes sense, they are her parents and I'm only a 6 month boyfriend. But at the same time it seems good for her generally even if she isn't with me, because I don't see many really putting up with that.
I mean they don't even know about me at all. I feel like even if I do keep going out with her, what happens? She wants to do a PhD so she won't really have a job and therefore doesn't "need" to move out. Even if she did I feel like they'd want her to live with them. I know there's nothing holding her back moving out in that scenario but I guess it's a fear of losing her parents and you know, she might lose me too then she feels like "**** i've lost everyone".
I guess she didn't stay in halls or anything like that?
Hah, no. I doubt that was ever an option. If it was then I'd have urged her to think about moving next year but obviously that's not possible.
I'm confused because there's this big problem that isn't her fault but obviously affects the relationship massively but at the same time I really like her and feel bad for thinking about breaking up with her because, you know, she can't really do anything about it.
I'm confused because there's this big problem that isn't her fault but obviously affects the relationship massively but at the same time I really like her and feel bad for thinking about breaking up with her because, you know, she can't really do anything about it.
Well she can do something about it really. She's 20 years old and an adult able to make her own decisions. Her parents can't exactly lock her in the house. She is free and entitled to do as she pleases. I understand this is an issue if her parents threaten to kick her out and stop supporting her but there has got to be a point where parents accept that their child has grown up and have a right to freedom as an adult.
Its a tricky situation yes, but I wouldn't say that its not entirely her fault and there's nothing she can do about it. There is plenty she could do about it if she really wanted to.
Its a tricky situation yes, but I wouldn't say that its not entirely her fault and there's nothing she can do about it. There is plenty she could do about it if she really wanted to.
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