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My boyfriend hates that I have male friends, what do I do?

As the line suggests my boyfriend hates that I have male friends. But all of my friends since I've been a little girl have been guys. All of my guy friends, just see me as one of the guys and I know nothing will ever happen with any of them, aka. friend zone. He hates me talking about them. He tells me that I'd be annoyed were it the other way around but he has no female friends and it wouldn't bother me. I feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know what to say to him. He basically wants me to not talk about my friends, which is impossible! And whenever I do mention them he goes mental, because he always tells me not to. Argh.

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Reply 1

hamijack

Have you told him that nothing would ever happen between you and your friends? Has he met them?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by hamijack

Have you told him that nothing would ever happen between you and your friends? Has he met them?

I have told him this. And he's met them briefly. I don't get it it's like a complex. I have a good day with my friends, he asks what I did and I tell him, and then instantly he's pissed off and my day is ruined.

Reply 3

Willbean

Tell him to deal with it. He sounds insecure.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by daniyalfaiz

I had the same issue with my girlfriend, but he will get over it like i did. Just do stuff to show that you love him more than your friends...and avoid being too friendly with them infront of him...or better to not mention them too much!

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Did she speak to you about it? I'm just being driven wild with guilt because I know how much it bothers him and I love him, but to me it just seems like such a silly non issue.

Reply 5

dgeorge

Original post by Anonymous

Is it that he doesn't want you to mention them, or is it the AMOUNT that you're mentioning them?

I'm not saying that you SHOULDN"T have male friends, but it seems that you keep mentioning them frequently in a way that appears to him that they're on your mind constantly.

The fact that you can't carry on a conversation without mentioning your friends is a bit worry some to be honest.

Reply 6

Hopple

How long have you been with your boyfriend? If it's been a while and only recently he's taking issue, I'd be wary of him trying to control you. If it's a new relationship, tell him they're your friends and you aren't going to give them up, it's then up to him to stay with you or leave you, but at least everyone knows what's going on. It isn't an unreasonable anxiety for a boyfriend to have, but he might be able to get over it, and if he can't you need not cave in either.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 7

ChocoCoatedLemons

That's pretty controlling. You're going to have to explain to him that:

A) Nothing is going to happen romantically and/or sexually with your male friends.
B) He has nothing to worry about.
C) It is unavoidable that you will end up mentioning your friends - it would be like never mentioning work, AT ALL.
D) He needs to get over it. There is no reason for him to behave that way.

If he still wants you to not have these friends, you should really look into if he's a good match for you.

Reply 8

rlw31

Original post by dgeorge

What's wrong with frequently mentioning your friends in conversation :confused:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by dgeorge

According to him I mention them too much, but 'too much' in his book seems to translate to 'at all'. This is everything, not just to his face. If I chat to a guy on my facebook wall that annoys him too!

Reply 10

usamakhanlodhi

I think you shoukd not feel guilty for having male friends and tbh you should just ask your boyfriend why he does not trust you as he obviousely feels insecure and that might be due to self esteen issues( my mych wiser friend also agrees) so all you can do is reassure him that you love him and ask him to trust you

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Reply 11

OingoBoingo

I don't think someone can be truly guy and girl friends with each other.

Infact, I dare you to text your closest guy friends something on the lines of "Iv'e been thinking about you often...Iv'e always thought about us being more than friends..." double dare you. Some of them will friggin reply the same back ! If your so confident that NOTHING could ever happen or that they atleast don't look at you that way, text them and post the results.

Reply 12

rlw31

Original post by OingoBoingo

Or she could just not toy with people's emotions like a good friend...

Reply 13

The Batman

Jealously. Tell him to grow up and DEAL WITH IT.

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Reply 14

Arturo Bandini

Original post by OingoBoingo

I don't think someone can be truly guy and girl friends with each other.
.

If you're older than like 12, it's pretty easy

Reply 15

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

Sounds like he is very insecure, if he doesn't like the fact you have friends then you should tell him where to go, you are perfectly allowed male friends outside of a relationship.

Reply 16

OingoBoingo

Original post by rlw31

Or she could just not toy with people's emotions like a good friend...

If it's toying with someones emotions, it would pretty much prove my point.

Reply 17

Kabloomybuzz

His jealousy and attempts to emotionally control you - bordering on abusive, is going to be more harmful to your relationship than you having male friends. You should make this clear to him. This is HIS issue, not yours, not your friend's, his and its up to him to deal with this insecurity.

I think you've reassured him enough... to be totally honest, I'd just ignore him when he starts making an issue about you talking about or contacting your friends. I'd just tell him he was acting jealous and paranoid unnecessarily and leave it at that. Don't play up to it. When he behaves like this... and it sounds harsh, treat the behaviour as if it were a child or a dog. Ignore it and don't reward it.