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Shopping my dad
Basically my dad abused me for 4 years between the ages of 12 and 16. Since then I have been protecting him but last night I decided that its time that he paid for what he did. (I'm 18 now)
I've thought about it thoroughly, but i guess maybe I just want other people's opinions on the situation. I just want to know that is it right to hate him so much and for me to give him up to the legal system when he threatens to kill himself?
I've thought about it thoroughly, but i guess maybe I just want other people's opinions on the situation. I just want to know that is it right to hate him so much and for me to give him up to the legal system when he threatens to kill himself?
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He won't kill himself, he's just trying to guilt trip you. Abuse of ANY kind on a child is unforgivable and he needs to be punished. Can you get a friend to go with you to the police station, just for support? You should make him pay for whatever he did to you.
You don't need to tell him you're about to do it, because he'll just try and manipulate you.
You don't need to tell him you're about to do it, because he'll just try and manipulate you.
I know that I can't tell him I'm about to do it.. I don't even want to see him after it's done, because he'll just make me feel guilty. I'm not doing it til wednesday because I have my niece and lil sister to look after for the first part of the holidays and my big sister needs a break after losing her 2nd baby.
I'm going to see my counsellor before I do it and I MAY get a friend to go with me.
The thing is it'll tear my family apart... my mum will want to kill him and my brother will lose his dad.
Also I've applied to uni and I'm thinking of claiming mitigating circumstances on my exam results and changing my student finance form to say that I'm independent rather than dependent after explaining the situation.
I'm going to see my counsellor before I do it and I MAY get a friend to go with me.
The thing is it'll tear my family apart... my mum will want to kill him and my brother will lose his dad.
Also I've applied to uni and I'm thinking of claiming mitigating circumstances on my exam results and changing my student finance form to say that I'm independent rather than dependent after explaining the situation.
Shop the git. Yeah Talya's right he 's just trying to manipulate you. What kind of abuse was it? (ok if u don't wanna say)
sexual
******* hell. Shop the git right now, this instance. What are you still doing here. Go on, piss off down to the police station. And what the hell about your brother. If I'd known it was sexual the first thing that would've popped into my head is "Has he done it to his bro to", d'you really wanna let this git get away with that. Your mum would be right to want to kill him.
He wouldn't touch my brother, never has and never will (btw in refencerence to "has he done it to HIS brother to"... I'm female). No offence meant but your statement is soo simplistic and quite rude... I can't just go and "piss off down to the police station".. i have other priorities that come before my welfare.. like the rest of my family and carrying on with my life.. hence I'm sitting at college waiting for a lesson instead of pissing off down the police station. I don't want to let him get away with anything, which is why i decided to give him up to the police.
Yes my mum would be right to want to kill him, but she doesnt have the right to take his life. She gave up her parental repsonsibilities a long time ago when she wanted to give us up for adoption and I want to do this my way.
Yes my mum would be right to want to kill him, but she doesnt have the right to take his life. She gave up her parental repsonsibilities a long time ago when she wanted to give us up for adoption and I want to do this my way.
My brother knows about the abuse and still stands by him because he is his dad, and I don't blame him for that becuase he has never seen the side I have.
I think you're being very brave and mature, considering it all out like this before you act. I'm not sure that I could stay so calm if I was in the same situation. You must be a very strong person.
I think you're right to report him and I certainly can't blame you for hating him after what he's done to you. Take your time, when you feel ready to act, do so. Good luck!
I think you're right to report him and I certainly can't blame you for hating him after what he's done to you. Take your time, when you feel ready to act, do so. Good luck!
I'm glad to hear you have a counsellor, I would have suggested talking to one if you hadn't already. Sexual abuse of any kind is horrific and inexcusable, the fact it was his own daughter makes it even more monsterous. It's good to hear that you have thought it through and are set on going down to the police station. Don't start getting second thoughts when it comes closer to the time.
Unfortunately you will have to see your dad again after you've turned him in. You will need to testify against him and depending on how the case goes, you may need to be in the same courtroom as him while doing so.
It sounds selfish, but it is time you started thinking about yourself. Yes it would tear the family apart, but for a good reason. If it was menial I would say don't bother, but this is a big deal and he can not go unpunished. Think about all the people who have been in similar situations and are too scared to come forward. You need to do it not only for yourself, but as a message to everyone like your dad - they CAN NOT get away with it.
It's not over yet, and unfortunately won't be for a little while, but it will be eventually. PM me if you want to talk.
Unfortunately you will have to see your dad again after you've turned him in. You will need to testify against him and depending on how the case goes, you may need to be in the same courtroom as him while doing so.
It sounds selfish, but it is time you started thinking about yourself. Yes it would tear the family apart, but for a good reason. If it was menial I would say don't bother, but this is a big deal and he can not go unpunished. Think about all the people who have been in similar situations and are too scared to come forward. You need to do it not only for yourself, but as a message to everyone like your dad - they CAN NOT get away with it.
It's not over yet, and unfortunately won't be for a little while, but it will be eventually. PM me if you want to talk.
Thanx 7Magpies and Note for your supportive words.
Talya, my brother is not an idiot, my brother is a human being and is my dad's son. He didn't see it happen, he wasn't there, and he has never seen that side of my dad, so why should he hate? Granted yes what he did to his sister was wrong but that doesn't mean my dad loves him any less. If my brother sticks by my father then that is fine by me because I thoroughly understand what it is like to love somebody and not want to accept something soo negative that they have done. My brother is a 17 year old boy and my dad is all he has.. he brought us up on his own without help from my mother, how can he turn his back on that?
Talya, my brother is not an idiot, my brother is a human being and is my dad's son. He didn't see it happen, he wasn't there, and he has never seen that side of my dad, so why should he hate? Granted yes what he did to his sister was wrong but that doesn't mean my dad loves him any less. If my brother sticks by my father then that is fine by me because I thoroughly understand what it is like to love somebody and not want to accept something soo negative that they have done. My brother is a 17 year old boy and my dad is all he has.. he brought us up on his own without help from my mother, how can he turn his back on that?
Anon 1 - you have nothing to feel guilty about. He's the one who is guilty and you are right to do this. Every negative consequence that might come of your turning him in he has brought on himself and your family. You are in no way to blame. Congratualtions for having such courage - there are so many people in your position who would be too afraid and I don't blame them. You should be proud of yourself.
Do you talk to your counsellor about the abuse? Because if you do, surely they would have already gone to the police. I think (though I'm not 100% sure) that in cases like this, patient-doctor confidentiality is overridden and it is actually illegal for the counsellor to keep knowledge of abuse to themselves.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
I do talk to my counsellor about it and they have no obligation to go to the police because I am over 18 and therefore able to make my own decisions. It is not illegal.. even social services don't have an obligation to say if I don't want them to unless they think someone else is at risk.
puppy
Do you talk to your counsellor about the abuse? Because if you do, surely they would have already gone to the police. I think (though I'm not 100% sure) that in cases like this, patient-doctor confidentiality is overridden and it is actually illegal for the counsellor to keep knowledge of abuse to themselves.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
I don't think it is.
Anonymous
I do talk to my counsellor about it and they have no obligation to go to the police because I am over 18 and therefore able to make my own decisions. It is not illegal.. even social services don't have an obligation to say if I don't want them to unless they think someone else is at risk.
Are you sure no one else is at risk? You say you have a little sister and a young niece. And i think at 17 your brother should be old enough to cope with losing his dad and realise the seriousness of what he did to you.
If no one is currently at risk the counsellor doesn't have to report it to anyone.
As for turning him in I agree you should but just don't expect them to rush straight out and arrest him, it wont happen like that. They would bring him in for questioning and if he admits it arrest him there and then. If not it depends on exactly what he says they may arrest him anyway but it is more likely that they will release him while they try and find evidence and build a case.
As for turning him in I agree you should but just don't expect them to rush straight out and arrest him, it wont happen like that. They would bring him in for questioning and if he admits it arrest him there and then. If not it depends on exactly what he says they may arrest him anyway but it is more likely that they will release him while they try and find evidence and build a case.
I decided to not report him... no one else is at risk because my sister doesn't live with us she lives with my mum and yes i have a young niece but she is rarely with me anyway and when they are we all sleep in my bed (it's a double).
Oh come on. You chickened out. I'm sorry to have to be harsh like this because I'm totally on your side, but you are just trying to justify your lack of turning him in with all of that other stuff. You don't know it won't happen again in future to anyone and that is almost beside the point. You owe it to yourself and every other victim of this type to shop him.
Don't take the cowards way out and not tell the police, justifying your actions as you have in the hope that everything will be the same as it is now because I tell you what. A couple of years down the road your sister might go and live at home for a month or the neice might stay over so her parents can have a break and guess what will happen again.
Be strong. Do the right thing.
Don't take the cowards way out and not tell the police, justifying your actions as you have in the hope that everything will be the same as it is now because I tell you what. A couple of years down the road your sister might go and live at home for a month or the neice might stay over so her parents can have a break and guess what will happen again.
Be strong. Do the right thing.
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