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My boyfriend and I aren't allowed to stay in the same room at night.
I'm almost 20 and my boyfriend will be 19 in about 6 months. When ever I stay at his house or he stays at mine our parents won't let us sleep in the same room. During they day we are allowed to be alone in each others room with the door shut, and our parents know that we have sex then. This is what makes no sense to me if they are making us sleep seperetly at night to stop us having sex well it isn't working cause we just do it during the day. What are your thoughts on this?
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Their house, their rules. Sorry. 
i have a friend who had parents like this, i think its just easier to ignore if you do it through the day, its DEFINITELY happening if you're staying over 
sometimes staying the night just pushes the boundaries a bit. Its non sensical i know, this girls parents knew she had the contraceptive implant yet wouldn't let her stay at her boyfriends
sometimes staying the night just pushes the boundaries a bit. Its non sensical i know, this girls parents knew she had the contraceptive implant yet wouldn't let her stay at her boyfriends 
Talk to them, but hey, it's their house. If you was daddy, or mummy you wouldn't want to be thinking that some guy is porking your daughter in the other room would ya? I know some dads who would go all Tony Montana on catching their delicate little flower with SOME guy
How long have you 2 been together? Maybe your BF needs to build up some trust with the folks?
Sorry, at the moment it's either do it outside or book out a hotel.
How long have you 2 been together? Maybe your BF needs to build up some trust with the folks?
Sorry, at the moment it's either do it outside or book out a hotel.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by theorangebox
Their house, their rules. Sorry.
Pretty much this.
We've been officially together for 2 months but we had been seeing each other for a couple of months before that. I live away from home so we tend to just stay at mine but once uni is over we won't have that option as I can only live here during the academic year.
They have no problems with us staying at each others house just as long as we sleep in seperate rooms. But we always stay in each others rooms until we just want to sleep then when we wake up in the morning we go straight back into the same room.
They have no problems with us staying at each others house just as long as we sleep in seperate rooms. But we always stay in each others rooms until we just want to sleep then when we wake up in the morning we go straight back into the same room.
My cousin and her now husband had to sleep in separate rooms at my aunt's house until they got married aged 24.
As others have said, their house their rules.
As others have said, their house their rules.
Original post by Justanothergirl1
We've been officially together for 2 months but we had been seeing each other for a couple of months before that. I live away from home so we tend to just stay at mine but once uni is over we won't have that option as I can only live here during the academic year.
They have no problems with us staying at each others house just as long as we sleep in seperate rooms. But we always stay in each others rooms until we just want to sleep then when we wake up in the morning we go straight back into the same room.
They have no problems with us staying at each others house just as long as we sleep in seperate rooms. But we always stay in each others rooms until we just want to sleep then when we wake up in the morning we go straight back into the same room.
Might be too early for some parents to start letting 'some guy' strut around their house. They have to feel as though he's long term before they let him sleep in your bed. You are still their little girl.
once you own your own place you can do what you want but when you live with your parents you abide by their rules. Im not even allowed boyfriends round during the day or anywhere near the house I think its stupid I think its really insane and sad of my parents but I dont object to it as at the end of the day im not the one paying the bills.
Do you have any siblings? as my parents are anti either me or my brother having boyfriends and girlfriends round as they dont want it to be a bad influence on my 10 year old brother or him to start asking questions etc etc.
Do you have any siblings? as my parents are anti either me or my brother having boyfriends and girlfriends round as they dont want it to be a bad influence on my 10 year old brother or him to start asking questions etc etc.
I have a 17 year old sister she is allowed to have hers around during the day but they aren't allowed to stay the night at all. They keep telling me I can do what I want cause I'm an adult. And when I am home I pay bills and rent like I do during the academic year.
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Original post by theorangebox
Their house, their rules. Sorry.
I don't buy this. You've got to stand up for yourself, you're an adult and so is he.
This happens when I visit my boyfriend's home. It doesn't bother me, if they're kind enough to have me stay and let me be part of the family then I'll abide by their rules. You can do what you want when you have a place of your own. Until then, you put up with it graciously. I doubt it's to stop you having sex - if you want to, you'll find a way, but would you really do that when you've all gone to bed and they're on the other side of a wall? - but it's probably just so that they don't feel uncomfortable in their own house.
My parents had exactly the same rule for several months (about 6) into my relationship. They are reasonable and not conservative people either!
Similarly, it didn't make sense for it to be about sex, because we literally were doing that during the day and everybody knew it. In fact, we really only wanted to sleep in the same bed for the perk of cuddling, as we were having as much sex as we wanted anyway!
It was difficult to have a rational discussion about it, because they were quite embarrassed and frankly I felt guilty disagreeing with them (I am a goody two shoes and generally agree with my parents/ get along well).
Eventually when I went to uni my parents just announced that my bf could sleep in my bed.
It materialised that they wanted to keep up appearances to impress my boyfriend's parents! Lol. They didn't want to be the "slaggy" parents. My mum (the more communicative of the two) told me that if I had just invited the boyfriend into my bed at night they wouldn't have had much of a problem. But my dad felt awkward about actually giving the go ahead / they wanted to show respect to my boyfriend's parents.
But when I went to uni, as it was out in the open we would share a bed at night, that made it okay for them to allow it?!
Basically this all happened because of the old fashioned view that sleeping over = sex (when in fact they're basically separate), and the weird tradition of it being "improper" for sleeping over to happen, even if having sex during the day is perfectly allowed! And being too awkward to talk about sex, but just dancing around it by pretending it = sleeping over. Weird.
What's really funny is my boyfriend's parents had the exact same rule in place, for the exact same reason (to impress my parents!) and as soon as he slept in my bed at home, I immediately slept in his bed in his house.
Parents.
Similarly, it didn't make sense for it to be about sex, because we literally were doing that during the day and everybody knew it. In fact, we really only wanted to sleep in the same bed for the perk of cuddling, as we were having as much sex as we wanted anyway!
It was difficult to have a rational discussion about it, because they were quite embarrassed and frankly I felt guilty disagreeing with them (I am a goody two shoes and generally agree with my parents/ get along well).
Eventually when I went to uni my parents just announced that my bf could sleep in my bed.
It materialised that they wanted to keep up appearances to impress my boyfriend's parents! Lol. They didn't want to be the "slaggy" parents. My mum (the more communicative of the two) told me that if I had just invited the boyfriend into my bed at night they wouldn't have had much of a problem. But my dad felt awkward about actually giving the go ahead / they wanted to show respect to my boyfriend's parents.
But when I went to uni, as it was out in the open we would share a bed at night, that made it okay for them to allow it?!
Basically this all happened because of the old fashioned view that sleeping over = sex (when in fact they're basically separate), and the weird tradition of it being "improper" for sleeping over to happen, even if having sex during the day is perfectly allowed! And being too awkward to talk about sex, but just dancing around it by pretending it = sleeping over. Weird.
What's really funny is my boyfriend's parents had the exact same rule in place, for the exact same reason (to impress my parents!) and as soon as he slept in my bed at home, I immediately slept in his bed in his house.
Parents.
My dad tried to stop me doing this. My mum was on my side though so we over ruled him. Try talking to them reasonably. Sorry but I find it ridiculous that people think they can tell two consenting adults what to do
Try talking to them reasonably. Sorry but I find it ridiculous that people think they can tell two consenting adults what to doOriginal post by Dr Pesto
I don't buy this. You've got to stand up for yourself, you're an adult and so is he.
Yeah this. The whole my house my rules thing is such a cop out that's usually used when there's no logic behind what they're trying to make you do
Original post by Marge Simpson
why dont you stop thinking about whats between your legs for once and respect the rules of the house!!
Hasn't the OP made it clear enough she has sex with her boyfriend anyway, and that sleeping over is not about sex?
You can be respectful of your parents and disagree with them. You can be respectful of your parents and sit down to discuss something like this.
Original post by Dr Pesto
I don't buy this. You've got to stand up for yourself, you're an adult and so is he.
And when she isn't living in her parents house, she can do what she wants. Until then she has an obligation to meet (within reason) the expectations of the house owner.
Well this escalated quickly
It's not that we want to have sex at night to be honest I wouldn't sound travels a lot better at night. Our relationship isn't all about the sex if it was in my mind it isn't a relationship.
It is basically just for the cuddling and that relaxed feeling I get when we do cuddle I get a much better sleep when we are in the same bed.
I've never said to my parents that's no fair or why not cause I know if I push to hard it will never be allowed. One day they might let me and I will be moving out for good at the beginning of next year (hopefully with him if all goes to plan).
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It's not that we want to have sex at night to be honest I wouldn't sound travels a lot better at night. Our relationship isn't all about the sex if it was in my mind it isn't a relationship.
It is basically just for the cuddling and that relaxed feeling I get when we do cuddle I get a much better sleep when we are in the same bed.
I've never said to my parents that's no fair or why not cause I know if I push to hard it will never be allowed. One day they might let me and I will be moving out for good at the beginning of next year (hopefully with him if all goes to plan).
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We used to sleep in the same bed at my house and in separate rooms at her house.
My parents are all like "Yeah, do what you want!" approach, in fact they even tried to persuade my brother he needed a double bed "for when he gets a girlfriend" when he was like 14 and they were getting a new one. He didn't and he regretted it when he got a gf lol.
To be honest I think it was just my gf not really dare push her parents... She's always been a bit of a goody-two-shoes. I don't think they would have minded even if her dad was a vicar lol, he was very easy going.
I remember her telling me that once her mom asked if she wanted to bring a sleeping bag to stay over at my house. She didn't lie to her, saying that she just slept in my bed. Her mom was shocked, but more in a "His parents don't mind?" way. I think it really is the 'I don't want to be the parents who are worse!" thing. After that they didn't mind but my gf kind of did so it was a stupid situation really.
I didn't mind - it is a pain sleeping in a single bed anyway and we'd snuggle until stupid o'clock then just go into the separate rooms. I didn't want to upset anyone and it wasn't too much bother.
My parents are all like "Yeah, do what you want!" approach, in fact they even tried to persuade my brother he needed a double bed "for when he gets a girlfriend" when he was like 14 and they were getting a new one. He didn't and he regretted it when he got a gf lol.
To be honest I think it was just my gf not really dare push her parents... She's always been a bit of a goody-two-shoes. I don't think they would have minded even if her dad was a vicar lol, he was very easy going.
I remember her telling me that once her mom asked if she wanted to bring a sleeping bag to stay over at my house. She didn't lie to her, saying that she just slept in my bed. Her mom was shocked, but more in a "His parents don't mind?" way. I think it really is the 'I don't want to be the parents who are worse!" thing. After that they didn't mind but my gf kind of did so it was a stupid situation really.
I didn't mind - it is a pain sleeping in a single bed anyway and we'd snuggle until stupid o'clock then just go into the separate rooms. I didn't want to upset anyone and it wasn't too much bother.
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