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AllergicToFairydust
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#1
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#1
Is this sentense correct?

He emphasises his torment cause by Estella through an extremely complex, compound sentence containing a tripling of situations in which he pictures Estella.
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Adhsur
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#2
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#2
No. And it's sentenCe deary.

The sentence is a bit too wordy, and the "cause" should be "caused"

Don't repeat the name "Estella" twice.
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kokopops
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#3
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#3
(Original post by a_musical_gal)
Is this sentense correct?

He emphasises his torment cause by Estella through an extremely complex, compound sentence containing a tripling of situations in which he pictures Estella.
caused*
he emphasises the torment caused by Estella through an extremely complect, compound sentence which contains a tripling of situations through which he had pictured Estella.
maybe??
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Joey_Johns
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#4
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#4
(Original post by a_musical_gal)
Is this sentense correct?

He emphasises his torment cause by Estella through an extremely complex, compound sentence containing a tripling of situations in which he pictures Estella.
I dont understnad the 'cause' bit and you should have a joining word and not a comma after complex.
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Muse
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#5
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#5
(Original post by a_musical_gal)
Is this sentense correct?

He emphasises his torment cause by Estella through an extremely complex, compound sentence containing a tripling of situations in which he pictures Estella.
You should probably only use the name Estella once in that sentence, and work around the last bit - otherwise it sounds funny. The whole thing doesn't seem to read though fluently either - and it's 'caused'.
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Joey_Johns
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Adhsur)
No. And it's sentenCe deary.

The sentence is a bit too wordy, and the "cause" should be "caused"

Don't repeat the name "Estella" twice.
Yes just refer to Estella as 'her' the second time because she is arlready in context.
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Adhsur
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#7
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I would put it like this:

He emphasises the torment Estella has caused him by using an extremely complex, compound sentence: <Insert quote here> This contains a tripling of situations in which she is pictured.
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makesomenoise
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#8
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#8
Just one glance at the sentence makes it look unwieldy. Could you break it into two?
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Adhsur
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#9
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#9
(Original post by XTinaA)
Just one glance at the sentence makes it look unwieldy. Could you break it into two?
Look at my version

And also amg, I dunno in what sense you use the word "tripling"...it's hardly something one hears every day.
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username9816
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#10
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(Original post by a_musical_gal)
Is this sentense correct?

He emphasises his torment cause by Estella through an extremely complex, compound sentence containing a tripling of situations in which he pictures Estella.
He emphasises his torment caused by Estella through an extremely complex, compound sentence. This contains numerous situations in which he pictures Estella.

OR:

He feels ****e coz of r stella, so he goes ova top by talkin fancy words where he sees her and stuff.

Either one should be adequate.
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makesomenoise
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#11
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(Original post by Adhsur)
Look at my version

And also amg, I dunno in what sense you use the word "tripling"...it's hardly something one hears every day.
I'd use "threesome" instead of tripling, which is a verb and not good used as a noun/adjective...
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blissy
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#12
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#12
Keep the second Estella - my supervisors always warn us about dodgy pronouns. Better to leave it in than leave it ambiguous.
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Muse
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#13
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(Original post by Adhsur)
I would put it like this:

He emphasises the torment Estella has caused him by using an extremely complex, compound sentence: <Insert quote here> This contains a tripling of situations in which she is pictured.
That's a much better way of putting it. Can't say I've heard of a 'tripling' in general prose though!
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username9816
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#14
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#14
(Original post by blissy)
Keep the second Estella - my supervisors always warn us about dodgy pronouns. Better to leave it in than leave it ambiguous.
I did that naturally, it's clearer.
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AllergicToFairydust
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#15
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#15
Ok thanks guys...god its freaky not being able to see whose online...

The tripling is Chapter 14 last but one paragraph begins...What I wanted
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Mark_KK
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#16
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#16
(Original post by a_musical_gal)
Is this sentense correct?

He emphasises his torment cause by Estella through an extremely complex, compound sentence containing a tripling of situations in which he pictures Estella.
It depends, apart from the "cause" / "caused" thingy it makes sense although it is clumsy and I would rephrase it.
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username9816
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Mark_KK)
It depends, apart from the "cause" / "caused" thingy it makes sense although it is clumsy and I would rephrase it.
*claused

cause doesn't fit.
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username9816
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#18
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#18
(Original post by a_musical_gal)
Ok thanks guys...god its freaky not being able to see whose online...

The tripling is Chapter 14 last but one paragraph begins...What I wanted
amg, are you going to entertain us by playing any musical instrument tonight?
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AllergicToFairydust
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#19
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#19
(Original post by bono)
amg, are you going to entertain us by playing any musical instrument tonight?
Sorry bono, I can't tonight. After I finished the essay I'm doing, I have another essay, a story, a review and a music thingy to do.

Maybe when I get time...*looks in my diary* I can fit you in for a 5 minute performance on the 23rd of May 2099.
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Adhsur
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#20
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#20
(Original post by a_musical_gal)
Sorry bono, I can't tonight. After I finished the essay I'm doing, I have another essay, a story, a review and a music thingy to do.

Maybe when I get time...*looks in my diary* I can fit you in for a 5 minute performance on the 23rd of May 2099.
No offence amg, but how come you always seem to have so many million-word essays to do? and you're not even doing A2!!

Is it because you leave them all too late? I do 5 subjects and still I don't seem to have as much to write.
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