Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

is this double standards or am i paranoid?

been seeing a guy for a month, lost my virginity to him. Both in our 20's.

We KEEP arguing- over really silly things...as in, he keeps going in moods because im with a male friend or something...

Last night we had a massive argument because I went out with 1 of my male friends who happens to be an ex.

Yet hes friends with all his ex's. His best friend is a girl who about a month before he asked me out he told me he was in love with her.....!

But I dont make any fuss about him being friends with her, but if i even hang out with a male friend, he starts an argument so i have to give him all my attention. Even when im with a female friend he gets a bit moody (though refuses to admit thats why).

Anyway, we had a massive argument last night because apparently Im not allowed to bring up the fact he said he loved his best friend because he was 'drunk' at the time. Yet he can have a go at me for hanging out with my male friends because they are 'exes'. Is this fair?

I dont want to split up with him, but im so fed up of arguing every single day over really petty things!! I lost my virginity to him so i dont want to just break up :frown:

We also have so much in common and get on well otherwise... :rolleyes:

Reply 1

MomtaajRahman

If he's friends with his ex's then I see no argument as to why you can't be friends with yours. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to cut off all forms of communication with your male peers. He may be feeling a little insecure if you're in contact with an ex but then again, what's to say you don't feel the same as him when he's with an ex? You're both in your twenties so I would assume that there is a level of maturity; talk to him and find out why he dislikes it when you talk to guys or any other person in general. I don't mean to be harsh but he's being a bit of a flouting Jack - make him understand that you value him and your relationship. And to answer your question: no, you're not being paranoid. Hope everything goes well, you have no reason to feel as though you may be doing something wrong.

Reply 2

milienhaus

It does sound like double standards, you aren't being paranoid. Being honest here, it doesn't sound like a good start to a relationship - he seems not to trust you and also to be a bit controlling. Obviously it's your decision and its possibly worth it if you really like him, but I wouldn't say having lost your virginity to him is a good enough reason unless you also do.

Reply 3

username47781

To me this sounds the first stage of him being controlling and possessive, if he continues to do this to you then I would think about getting rid of him, you can't let him stop you living your life.

Reply 4

edchem

Try to be the bigger man, I always have this argument with my boyfriend (been together 3 and a half years), especially over a housemate that said he liked me 4 years ago and my only ex.

The ex I can understand and I try to come across apologetic as such and explain that I understand why it upsets him, and always tell him prior to seeing him, but in a calm way, but as we live in different cities its less of a problem now.

With my housemate its very difficult because I'm best friends with him and there's no way I plan to change that, so I calmly compare it to his girl friends, but again I try not to cause an argument. Bring it up when you are both calm and happy, and say something like this situation is upsetting me, mention trust, how will a relationship last if there's no trust (the usual answer to this is I trust you but not him)

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

Eljamaispa

Oh man get rid of him. No need to feel attached because you lost your virginity to him. If he's a jealous, argumentative **** (sounds like it) ditch him and find a nicer guy.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

Stormwhite

Sounds pretty double standards-y to me. Have you pointed out the double standards?

Don't back down over this - but don't stay with him simply out of sentimentality, if that's all that's holding you together - it'll simply make it more drawn out.

Reply 7

Rax97

He is too controlling and only stay with him if you have genuine feelings for him; not because you lost your virginity to him.

Reply 8

edchem

Original post by Rax97

He is too controlling and only stay with him if you have genuine feelings for him; not because you lost your virginity to him.

Though I agree that it sounds controlling, but I believe it sometimes just comes from the guy being so insecure, if it'd walked away from the relationship with my boyfriend, I'd be gutted as its worked out so well. Though I thought at the start he came across as controlling I've tried to take a step back and appreciate his opinion for some situations and sometimes that means telling him his opinion comes from a self conscious place. Everybody has their flaws, and I certainly can be jealous, that isn't necessary purposely controlling.

If he tries to control other sides of your life (e.g you mentioned his jealousy with you spending time with girls) then talk it through with him. You walk away, you lose out on possibly a great couple of months/years/life. Talk talk talk.

Also, We need an update OP :tongue:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

alabelle

Losing your virginity isn't an excuse to stay with someone who doesn't treat you right. If he doesn't agree to let you be friends with your exes then he's probably very insecure, and it could lead to other controlling behaviours. I know it seems like a big deal now, but you won't regret leaving someone in ten year's time just because they were the first person you slept with. Most people don't end up marrying that person.