Failed University Twice and feeling hopeless and ashamed of myself!Watch
So just last year I was all excited I got into University to study Law and Business (I shortly changed to just straight Law after 2 weeks however), and while I didn't do too bad in my assignments, averaging 2:2 and 2:1. The fact I did terrible in my exams made me fail overall My assignments are worth 50% and exam 50% too. I was also fasting during my resits in August so I wasn't at my peak best and I came close to passing again but simply failed. Regardless, I passed one module but had to resit the whole year again with the remaining three I failed.
My ex girlfriend also broke up with me before I started uni as a hidden relationship from both our families (which was hard) didn't work out and the fact that she thought uni would mean I'd have no time to see her at all like I did when I was in college with her, I tried to make the relationship work but she wanted to end it and I chose to accept it, we tried to be friends but haven't spoken since, so during the first week of uni. I wasn't well, as jolly as the others, but I picked myself back up from there on even if she found someone else weeks after.
But anyway, I thought my first year was going great and I don't know how it happened but I went from feeling happy to just downright depressed. The first semester of my failed (repeated) year, my attendance was great, and two of my assignments were a 1:1 and 2:1 (it gets capped at the end of the year though) but one of them, I failed and only got 36%. It sort of hit me during the end of first semester, I started distancing myself from everyone, missed lectures and tutorials, having a broken sleeping pattern and randomly waking up in the middle of the night. And from my previous exam experiences, this made me feel even worse. I even attended exam help workshops and it still didn't help me. :<
I'd end up not posting on Facebook, Twitter or go on Skype or even go on Xbox live with friends.
I'd start eating less and less and my friends are worried that I'm losing weight and my family are already mad at me for failing my first year (typical strict Asian family with a short tempered parents) and if I told them I failed another assignment, god knows what would happen to me (They'd kick me out if I failed leaving me with nowhere to go). My family constantly put me down with other relatives who all achieved 1:1s and 2:1s in the top 20 uni's and are now in a well paid job/married and I've now got nothing to live for. I never originally wanted to study Law but given the fact my family were in a financially tight situation (and the fact both my parents lost their business and had to work for others being paid a lot less than they originally were). I felt like I owed it to them, also they wouldn't have been happy with me if I were to study Sociology or Communications and Culture and those are the subjects I enjoyed most at college. I only ever really liked Criminal and Tort Law but besides that, it wasn't my best subject. I've been meaning to go to the doctors (actually have an appointment book for after my exams), but I've become more and more antisocial and spending most my days alone in my bedroom sorrowing in self pity. I even almost got fired from work for not turning up for days without giving any notice (needless to say my family were mad at me for behaving like this yet they do not know I've been skipping uni).
I originally wanted to take a gap year but if I did, then my fees would have gone from £3k to £9k but I felt like I really needed one but at the same time, my family were pushing me hard because they don't want a failure in the household unlike my cousins etc... And they were bragging to other family members saying my son got into uni and is doing Law, it really put me under a lot of pressure.
The worst part is, everyone's been praying for me to do well, and all I feel is complete and utter shame. Also I haven't really made that many friends at University either, everyone knows who I am (I was student rep till I resigned for this year to focus hard). And I'd talk to them in Lectures and Tutorial's, but outside, because I have nothing in common with them in interests, I've pretty much isolated myself with a few group of friends who sort of have the same interests as I do unlike my previous college friends. And ever since I failed first year, all my former friends have sort of made friends with a new group and I hardly see them now due to the timetables and stuff, occasionally tweet and fb chat and that's it. And they respected the fact I couldn't stay out late and party all night with them whereas the people I've made friends with this year do not. I don't really go out at all unless it's a concert or so, it's an Asian thing maybe
I've already used up a fail year and I'm not financially well off, so even if I wanted to change course now. I couldn't. I'm also not enjoying the area that I'm in, the students are nice and all but the people in the area are extremely impolite. And I doubt any university would take me on for a different course, so I'm stuck with what left to do.
Also, I'm already 2 years behind education because during my first year of college at AS level, one of my best friends passed away during my exams in January and I just dropped out and came back next year and got a BBCC at A Level (not the best of grades, and yes I did 4 A levels, call me crazy).. And because I also failed my first year at university. That sets me back 2 years in total so far. I'm also working part time in a Restaurant which pays minimum wage and I only work 12 hours a week and it's not a job I enjoy either.
Is there any hope of me ever returning to Uni studying a different course? Or what steps can I take?
How would I go telling my family about this without getting in trouble and being kicked out? (My family maybe religious, and I'm not as religious but I do follow it, but they said if I fail again, I'm on my own with no one to turn to. And I don't have any college/uni friends to take me in either as they've all moved on in their lives).
Sorry for the wall of text, I have nothing else to turn to in this situation and I don't think the internet is the best place to get advice, but I have no one else right now to go to. :/ Also I'm not sure if this has ever happened to anyone because all my life, I've never seen anyone who's failed anything other than myself.
Thanks for reading and once again
I have a habit of apologizing to people. ._.