Am I weird for not wanting a boyfriend at 19?
I'm 19 and in my first year at uni, and I've never had a boyfriend before or during uni (or even been on a date, though I've been asked out quite a few times). I've never slept with anyone either. I just don't see the point of short-term stuff. It seems like a waste of time.
It's not that I'm asexual (if anything it's the other way around, and I've been really tempted to go back with guys in clubs a few times). I don't buy into that "purity" crap either and don't care if someone calls me a slag, but on the other hand I just don't want to sleep with/commit myself to someone I'm going to end up losing in a couple of years anyway. FWB is not something I want to try either.
I just don't feel like I want to commit myself emotionally to someone who doesn't feel like they're really, really into me. Hardly anyone I know at uni is in a serious relationship or thinks they're going to stay with their partner after graduating. There's a definite party culture at my uni which doesn't help. Even male friends who aren't "lads" are often not really sure about their girlfriends and don't see a future with them, but stay with them just for the sex.
I'd rather settle down, get a proper job, and grow into a mature adult before finding a partner who will stick with me for life, but is this a little weird? Should I get some experience dating/being in a relationship at uni first? A lot of friends seem to think it's strange when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend before, but I just haven't found anyone I liked enough to be with yet.
It's not that I'm asexual (if anything it's the other way around, and I've been really tempted to go back with guys in clubs a few times). I don't buy into that "purity" crap either and don't care if someone calls me a slag, but on the other hand I just don't want to sleep with/commit myself to someone I'm going to end up losing in a couple of years anyway. FWB is not something I want to try either.
I just don't feel like I want to commit myself emotionally to someone who doesn't feel like they're really, really into me. Hardly anyone I know at uni is in a serious relationship or thinks they're going to stay with their partner after graduating. There's a definite party culture at my uni which doesn't help. Even male friends who aren't "lads" are often not really sure about their girlfriends and don't see a future with them, but stay with them just for the sex.
I'd rather settle down, get a proper job, and grow into a mature adult before finding a partner who will stick with me for life, but is this a little weird? Should I get some experience dating/being in a relationship at uni first? A lot of friends seem to think it's strange when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend before, but I just haven't found anyone I liked enough to be with yet.
I find it a little weird. Not in a bad way or anything. Just that many people want to experience these things at this age, and also some do it because they're pressured to etc. Some people would rather have experience of relationships, as it can be considered strange if you've never had a relationship at 25 say. And some people go out for a bit, then decide they don't want to anymore, which is fair enough.
People would wonder why you haven't/hadn't but if you explained that you just didn't want to at the time, and seemed normal in every other way, people wouldn't be bothered.
If that's how you feel then fair enough
People would wonder why you haven't/hadn't but if you explained that you just didn't want to at the time, and seemed normal in every other way, people wouldn't be bothered.
If that's how you feel then fair enough
Original post by beckaroo7
I find it a little weird. Not in a bad way or anything. Just that many people want to experience these things at this age, and also some do it because they're pressured to etc. Some people would rather have experience of relationships, as it can be considered strange if you've never had a relationship at 25 say. And some people go out for a bit, then decide they don't want to anymore, which is fair enough.
People would wonder why you haven't/hadn't but if you explained that you just didn't want to at the time, and seemed normal in every other way, people wouldn't be bothered.
If that's how you feel then fair enough
People would wonder why you haven't/hadn't but if you explained that you just didn't want to at the time, and seemed normal in every other way, people wouldn't be bothered.
If that's how you feel then fair enough
I don't see how it's any different than being ambitious, though
I want to work abroad and travel a lot after I graduate, and even if I were only looking to settle in one place the chances of finding a guy who's headed in the same direction I am is quite slim. Lots of guys (and girls, but obviously that's irrelevant to me) aren't really sure what they want from life or a relationship at uni, either, and once they grow up to be a completely different person they end up breaking up.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 19 and in my first year at uni, and I've never had a boyfriend before or during uni (or even been on a date, though I've been asked out quite a few times). I've never slept with anyone either. I just don't see the point of short-term stuff. It seems like a waste of time.
It's not that I'm asexual (if anything it's the other way around, and I've been really tempted to go back with guys in clubs a few times). I don't buy into that "purity" crap either and don't care if someone calls me a slag, but on the other hand I just don't want to sleep with/commit myself to someone I'm going to end up losing in a couple of years anyway. FWB is not something I want to try either.
I just don't feel like I want to commit myself emotionally to someone who doesn't feel like they're really, really into me. Hardly anyone I know at uni is in a serious relationship or thinks they're going to stay with their partner after graduating. There's a definite party culture at my uni which doesn't help. Even male friends who aren't "lads" are often not really sure about their girlfriends and don't see a future with them, but stay with them just for the sex.
I'd rather settle down, get a proper job, and grow into a mature adult before finding a partner who will stick with me for life, but is this a little weird? Should I get some experience dating/being in a relationship at uni first? A lot of friends seem to think it's strange when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend before, but I just haven't found anyone I liked enough to be with yet.
It's not that I'm asexual (if anything it's the other way around, and I've been really tempted to go back with guys in clubs a few times). I don't buy into that "purity" crap either and don't care if someone calls me a slag, but on the other hand I just don't want to sleep with/commit myself to someone I'm going to end up losing in a couple of years anyway. FWB is not something I want to try either.
I just don't feel like I want to commit myself emotionally to someone who doesn't feel like they're really, really into me. Hardly anyone I know at uni is in a serious relationship or thinks they're going to stay with their partner after graduating. There's a definite party culture at my uni which doesn't help. Even male friends who aren't "lads" are often not really sure about their girlfriends and don't see a future with them, but stay with them just for the sex.
I'd rather settle down, get a proper job, and grow into a mature adult before finding a partner who will stick with me for life, but is this a little weird? Should I get some experience dating/being in a relationship at uni first? A lot of friends seem to think it's strange when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend before, but I just haven't found anyone I liked enough to be with yet.
It's not weird at all, we're each to own.
I'm the complete opposite to you; 19 but would like a girlfriend ha ha. Which is probably weirder than your situation because it sounds more desperate...
But hey ho, like I said, it's not weird.
Original post by NessEB
It's not weird at all, we're each to own.
I'm the complete opposite to you; 19 but would like a girlfriend ha ha. Which is probably weirder than your situation because it sounds more desperate...
But hey ho, like I said, it's not weird.
I'm the complete opposite to you; 19 but would like a girlfriend ha ha. Which is probably weirder than your situation because it sounds more desperate...
But hey ho, like I said, it's not weird.
I think most people (though maybe not the vast, vast majority) want a partner at around our age - there are many reasons why I'd like one, too, I just don't think it's the best use of my time
I don't think I could be in a relationship that I didn't see a future in... But then I've only ever been in one relationship and am now married 
I don't think you should not get into a relationship because you don't view yourself as 'old enough' or mature enough to have a long-term one. I started going out with my wife at 16, we went through A-levels, Uni and now out the other side and now got married. That wasn't going to happen if I though 'well, 16 is a bit young'.
Personally everyone I've known at university is the complete opposite to what you describe. They all seem view their relationships as long-term commitments. Most of them have continued to be in them post-uni. I also know another couple who have been together even longer than we have.
Also through school and uni.
But I can understand turning down guys who don't seem mature enough not to consider this - I'd certainly not consider going out with a girl who didn't see herself with me in 2, 10 or 20 years time... That should be a given!
I don't think you should not get into a relationship because you don't view yourself as 'old enough' or mature enough to have a long-term one. I started going out with my wife at 16, we went through A-levels, Uni and now out the other side and now got married. That wasn't going to happen if I though 'well, 16 is a bit young'.
Personally everyone I've known at university is the complete opposite to what you describe. They all seem view their relationships as long-term commitments. Most of them have continued to be in them post-uni. I also know another couple who have been together even longer than we have.
Also through school and uni.
But I can understand turning down guys who don't seem mature enough not to consider this - I'd certainly not consider going out with a girl who didn't see herself with me in 2, 10 or 20 years time... That should be a given!
It's not weird, but there's no reason that at 19 you can't find the person you want to stay with. I did and this far it has worked out perfectly.
Also, you can't know if a relationship will it won't last until you do it, so saying you will only have long term relationships may lead you to turn down relationships thinking they may not last when actually you might have found "the one".
Posted from TSR Mobile
Also, you can't know if a relationship will it won't last until you do it, so saying you will only have long term relationships may lead you to turn down relationships thinking they may not last when actually you might have found "the one".
Posted from TSR Mobile
As a Chinese, I don't think it is weird. Looking for a true person to whom we can say 'Give your hand i'll hold,Together we'll grow old. ' is my philosophy of love.
I was really surprised when I first came here, I saw my flatmate took a girl who is not his girlfriend home in the evening. I don't know if I am too conservative or weird. I just cannot accept this relationship just for sex.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I was really surprised when I first came here, I saw my flatmate took a girl who is not his girlfriend home in the evening. I don't know if I am too conservative or weird. I just cannot accept this relationship just for sex.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I don't see how it's any different than being ambitious, though I want to work abroad and travel a lot after I graduate, and even if I were only looking to settle in one place the chances of finding a guy who's headed in the same direction I am is quite slim. Lots of guys (and girls, but obviously that's irrelevant to me) aren't really sure what they want from life or a relationship at uni, either, and once they grow up to be a completely different person they end up breaking up.
I want to work abroad and travel a lot after I graduate, and even if I were only looking to settle in one place the chances of finding a guy who's headed in the same direction I am is quite slim. Lots of guys (and girls, but obviously that's irrelevant to me) aren't really sure what they want from life or a relationship at uni, either, and once they grow up to be a completely different person they end up breaking up.There's nothing wrong with it, just people enjoy being in a relationship, it doesn't have to be serious or permanent. If you are worried about breaking up you'll never be in a relationship. But chances are you won't feel like that forever. You'll only know if you're serious about them if you've gone out for a bit anyway. Not all break ups have to be tragic.
But if you want to focus on your career and education then fair enough. If you come across as self righteous and superior when talking about it, people will find it weird. But as I don't know you, I can't judge
EDIT: I think I should add, if you've not met anyone you're interested in, then of course don't get with them. But I would find it odd if you found someone you were interested in, and denied yourself a relationship
(edited 10 years ago)
You might not have found or met someone you really like.
You might be secretly lesbian.
Or you're just you, you don't want a relationship.
We describe "weird" as anything not normal, so yes it's kind of weird. Not to say that it's bad.
You might be secretly lesbian.
Or you're just you, you don't want a relationship.
We describe "weird" as anything not normal, so yes it's kind of weird. Not to say that it's bad.
not wanting a partner is a little wierd in the sense of it not being the average, or norm..
Not that there is anything wrong with that..
Wierd is good..
Embrace the wierd
Not that there is anything wrong with that..
Wierd is good..
Embrace the wierd
I think it's up to you if you have a boyfriend or not. some people might say it's weird, but it doesn't matter
I personally don't listen to what other people think, because that's their opinion, not mine. If I want to do something or not do something, then I'll do/not do that thing because it's what i want/don't want to do. Other people don't matter, put number 1 (yourself) first sounds cheesy, but it's true
I personally don't listen to what other people think, because that's their opinion, not mine. If I want to do something or not do something, then I'll do/not do that thing because it's what i want/don't want to do. Other people don't matter, put number 1 (yourself) first
sounds cheesy, but it's trueThis was so freaky, I was reading your thread and seriously wondered if I wrote this, I'm exactly the same! 19, 1st year, everything! I just don't want a relationship right now, I love the idea of one, and I am a romantic but I just don't want the fuss right now. But I think my parents currently divorcing has a little to do with it, I'm **** scared that I'd end up in a similar, unhappy relationship for 20 years. The thought of ending up with someone like my Dad is depressing.
I'm happy with being carefree. Although if someone came along who I really liked then I would still give it a go. But I wouldn't actively go on dates and test the waters with people I don't know or aren't sure of.
I'm happy with being carefree. Although if someone came along who I really liked then I would still give it a go. But I wouldn't actively go on dates and test the waters with people I don't know or aren't sure of.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 19 and in my first year at uni, and I've never had a boyfriend before or during uni (or even been on a date, though I've been asked out quite a few times). I've never slept with anyone either. I just don't see the point of short-term stuff. It seems like a waste of time.
It's not that I'm asexual (if anything it's the other way around, and I've been really tempted to go back with guys in clubs a few times). I don't buy into that "purity" crap either and don't care if someone calls me a slag, but on the other hand I just don't want to sleep with/commit myself to someone I'm going to end up losing in a couple of years anyway. FWB is not something I want to try either.
I just don't feel like I want to commit myself emotionally to someone who doesn't feel like they're really, really into me. Hardly anyone I know at uni is in a serious relationship or thinks they're going to stay with their partner after graduating. There's a definite party culture at my uni which doesn't help. Even male friends who aren't "lads" are often not really sure about their girlfriends and don't see a future with them, but stay with them just for the sex.
I'd rather settle down, get a proper job, and grow into a mature adult before finding a partner who will stick with me for life, but is this a little weird? Should I get some experience dating/being in a relationship at uni first? A lot of friends seem to think it's strange when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend before, but I just haven't found anyone I liked enough to be with yet.
It's not that I'm asexual (if anything it's the other way around, and I've been really tempted to go back with guys in clubs a few times). I don't buy into that "purity" crap either and don't care if someone calls me a slag, but on the other hand I just don't want to sleep with/commit myself to someone I'm going to end up losing in a couple of years anyway. FWB is not something I want to try either.
I just don't feel like I want to commit myself emotionally to someone who doesn't feel like they're really, really into me. Hardly anyone I know at uni is in a serious relationship or thinks they're going to stay with their partner after graduating. There's a definite party culture at my uni which doesn't help. Even male friends who aren't "lads" are often not really sure about their girlfriends and don't see a future with them, but stay with them just for the sex.
I'd rather settle down, get a proper job, and grow into a mature adult before finding a partner who will stick with me for life, but is this a little weird? Should I get some experience dating/being in a relationship at uni first? A lot of friends seem to think it's strange when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend before, but I just haven't found anyone I liked enough to be with yet.
I was like you when I started uni. Don't worry about it. People can think what they like just stay true to yourself.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I think most people (though maybe not the vast, vast majority) want a partner at around our age - there are many reasons why I'd like one, too, I just don't think it's the best use of my time
To some degree I completely agree with you! Not being in a relationship means I have way more free time to myself and can do the things I enjoy most, compared to when I was in a relationship.
What pisses me off is when people our age in a relationship act so sappy and pathetic, I feel like vomiting. There seems to be no such thing as a mature relationship!
I am a guy but could post pretty much the same thread as you. I have a job now after graduating from Uni and have never had a GF as I didnt want to gamble on something that could be shortterm. Only 3 couples from my school are still together. (They didnt go Uni though etc)
Now Im mature with a job, I am now on the lookout for someone in the same position to have a proper future with etc!
So now, its not weird!
Now Im mature with a job, I am now on the lookout for someone in the same position to have a proper future with etc!
So now, its not weird!
Original post by pandabird
This was so freaky, I was reading your thread and seriously wondered if I wrote this, I'm exactly the same! 19, 1st year, everything! I just don't want a relationship right now, I love the idea of one, and I am a romantic but I just don't want the fuss right now. But I think my parents currently divorcing has a little to do with it, I'm **** scared that I'd end up in a similar, unhappy relationship for 20 years. The thought of ending up with someone like my Dad is depressing.
I'm happy with being carefree. Although if someone came along who I really liked then I would still give it a go. But I wouldn't actively go on dates and test the waters with people I don't know or aren't sure of.
I'm happy with being carefree. Although if someone came along who I really liked then I would still give it a go. But I wouldn't actively go on dates and test the waters with people I don't know or aren't sure of.
Yeah my parents are divorced too, was pretty messy... apparently Dad had had multiple affairs and it all got out. I have quite a few male friends but never trust guys romantically.
Im 19 and I don't want a relationship, but that's because I just came out of a 2 year one and It just seems like too much drama to handle. Everyone is different, I don't think you should ever feel like you need a relationship, I think if you were to think that then it would be worse because you shouldn't need anyone.
Just carry on with your life and focus on yourself and if someone comes along that changes your mind great!
Just carry on with your life and focus on yourself and if someone comes along that changes your mind great!
Original post by KerryF94
Im 19 and I don't want a relationship, but that's because I just came out of a 2 year one and It just seems like too much drama to handle. Everyone is different, I don't think you should ever feel like you need a relationship, I think if you were to think that then it would be worse because you shouldn't need anyone.
Just carry on with your life and focus on yourself and if someone comes along that changes your mind great!
Just carry on with your life and focus on yourself and if someone comes along that changes your mind great!
I'm worried about letting them change my mind haha, but thanks
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