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Not sure whether I can pursue this friendship - would it be emotionally cheating? watch

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    Been with my boyfriend almost two years, and about a year met a guy through my work. Me + this guy are both trying to break into a similar industry, and are both starting to get somewhere with it. We have talked occasionally via email, but didn't actually meet face to face, just the two of us until last week.

    Basically, I told my boyfriend about an event I was really excited about going to and instead of offering to potentially come with me, he said he might be travelling at that point (he travels with his passion/hobby), so couldn't say yes. I was disappointed but this happens sometimes. I then mentioned the same event in the passing to my friend (in a just discussing what we're getting upto sort of way) and he immediately asked if he could with me. I was a bit thrown off, but said okay.

    Now a few days before I met my male friend at this event, me and my boyfriend started having a political discussion and I was telling him my thoughts/feelings on a particular issue. Not in an obnoxious 'My opinion is the only one that matters' sort of way, as can often happen - just that it's something I'm interested in, and like to discuss occasionally. I said there was an event coming up connected with this and he said 'no I don't think I'd be comfortable coming, because I'm not sure I believe in all that.' Then he said 'I don't think we should talk about this topic right now' and 'it could just lead to a fight'. This would be understandable if we had fallen out over it before, but we never have - and I love to hear his points of view even though I know they can be different from my own. It makes things exciting! Anyway...when he said that stuff, I felt deflated and shut down by him. Although in the end, he would come with me anyway (just to appease me no doubt).

    Cue the night that I was meeting my friend at the event my boyfriend didn't commit to - turned out boyfriend wasn't travelling after all, so could've come. I told him he was quite welcome to join us, but he declined the offer. Once I met my male friend, we got talking about all sorts including politics and discovered we have very similar views - and of course, on cue, he said he'd be really interested in coming to the event I had mentioned. I feel a great sense of familiarity with this guy - not the butterflies/spark I get with my boyfriend, but just enjoy having stuff in common. Sometimes I wish my boyfriend would be more up for doing things with me, but then I got to thinking - what's the point in making my boyfriend come to things he has no interest in? Surely if this new friend expresses interest in particular events it should be okay to do things with him sometimes?
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    If you need to question it, then clearly something's wrong about it.

    To me it just sounds like you're friend zoning an innocent lad.
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    No, that sounds perfectly fine.

    Just make it clear to this guy that you have a boyfriend and you are after nothing more than friendship.

    Would you have the same issue if said person was a girl? If not, then theres nothing to worry about.

    My boyfriend has girl mates and spends time alone with them and thats life!
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    (Original post by Yawn11)
    If you need to question it, then clearly something's wrong about it.

    To me it just sounds like you're friend zoning an innocent lad.
    I don't really know why I'm questioning it - it's just that I wouldn't want to do anything to risk my relationship, but I think I may be overanalysing as I have a tendency to do. I feel like I would miss out on a decent friendship if I didn't occasionally pursue attending some things together though, and I know my boyfriend's heart wouldn't be in coming with me.

    Well, I don't think so. He was pouring out his heart about this girl who recently broke up with him etc, and he's much better off alone. He's met my boyfriend and was very polite when meeting him, so...I'd be surprised if he had alterior motives.
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    No, that sounds perfectly fine.

    Just make it clear to this guy that you have a boyfriend and you are after nothing more than friendship.

    Would you have the same issue if said person was a girl? If not, then theres nothing to worry about.

    My boyfriend has girl mates and spends time alone with them and thats life!
    But how do I broach that topic? 'Oh btw just so you know...' - it seems a bit presumptuous! No, I definitely wouldn't have the same issue if the person was a girl.
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    (Original post by pinkangelgirl)
    No, that sounds perfectly fine.

    Just make it clear to this guy that you have a boyfriend and you are after nothing more than friendship.

    Would you have the same issue if said person was a girl? If not, then theres nothing to worry about.

    My boyfriend has girl mates and spends time alone with them and thats life!
    although I did make the point of repeating liking having him as a 'friend' a few times...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    although I did make the point of repeating liking having him as a 'friend' a few times...
    You have nothing to worry about. If he is a friend just casually drop in your boyfriend ''oh my boyfriend wanted to join us but sadly he had to go travelling'' ''my boyfriend isnt really into this sort of stuff''

    Like you said, if it was a girl thered be no problem, so there shouldnt be a problem just becayse hes a guy!
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    This entire thread could be solved with:

    Stop comparing your boyfriend to other guys.
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    (Original post by hollywoodbudgie)
    This entire thread could be solved with:

    Stop comparing your boyfriend to other guys.
    I guess I just worry about him having motivations...though he doesn't appear to off the bat, I worry something might materialise along the line. But what would the worst case scenario? He's met my boyfriend, so I don't know what more I can do.

    And I like that my boyfriend is different. He's introduced me to a lot of things I would otherwise not have been exposed to, and I've developed new interests through that too.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess I just worry about him having motivations...though he doesn't appear to off the bat, I worry something might materialise along the line. But what would the worst case scenario? He's met my boyfriend, so I don't know what more I can do.

    And I like that my boyfriend is different. He's introduced me to a lot of things I would otherwise not have been exposed to, and I've developed new interests through that too.
    Being friends with a guy does not imply anything more than that. Seriously the only thing you need to do is not cheat. That's it. Easy. If he thinks any more is going to come of it, then that's his problem.
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    (Original post by MelanieDickson)
    Being friends with a guy does not imply anything more than that. Seriously the only thing you need to do is not cheat. That's it. Easy. If he thinks any more is going to come of it, then that's his problem.
    Yeah, I guess so. Don't know why it's been troubling me so much - I'm not just used to guys that aren't my boyfriend wanting to make plans with me I suppose. Thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Well, I don't think so. He was pouring out his heart about this girl who recently broke up with him etc, and he's much better off alone. He's met my boyfriend and was very polite when meeting him, so...I'd be surprised if he had alterior motives.

    If him and your bf have met and they both know about one another then I wouldn't say there is anything wrong. It's perfectly fine to be friends with a boy other than your bf.
 
 
 
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