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    Ok so I'm doing a descriptive writing piece on a park during a sort of zombie apocalypse but struggling on my opening paragraph. Please could people give feed back on how I can improve? The bright sun was diminished by the dark stormy clouds which had spread across the entire sky, draining life from the ground below. Below, obscured by a thick and murky mist, was the park, cold and desolate. Children that had once played here were now lost in the whispering wind, along with the joy the park once brought. The air smelt contaminated, almost diseased, as if a toxic wave had spread across the park. The grass, once bright and lively, was a dark shade of green, and grew wild and out of control. The only sound that could be heard was the wind swirling and scooping up pieces of dead leaves.
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    I'd give this a 9/10 (just about A*). I think perhaps you went a touch overboard with the description of the park. Tone it down a tad, and have a short, fairly simple, sentence there for effect.

    It could be an A as well (8/10). Sentence structure and accuracy is probably 8/9 out of 10.
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    ok thanks a lot
 
 
 
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