What do I do?

I've just spent the last 4 days with a girl i've only known 3 weeks. We had the most amazing time and everything just fits perfectly when were around each other.

One Major Porblem - Secrets!

She told me she was close with this guy but when he told her he fancied her they became distant. Apparatnly last year they was very close and she lives abroad and when she went away he confessed hes feelings but when she returned back to UK he was cold to her so theyve become distant.
According to her nothing sexual happened with her and him apart from a kiss on the head (which she can't remember what fully happened).

Anyway she said to me that I promise u that nothing happened and nothing will, so things were going well from the day she came.
From Thursday to Saturday we got pretty close, Especially Sexually.
At saturday night she recieved a phone call and then she became all quiet and stuff.
My previous relationsip I had allot of lies to deal with and not allot of honesty from my x, so I questioned her about her silence and mood change (we was having a romantic night until that call). I asked her if she regreted anything and she said no but she said she didnt want to go further like we previously had.
She tried to kiss me to shut me up but I wasnt bying it, so we ended up not talking and went to buy a take away.

On the way back from the takeaway shop she told me that she has an arranged marriage and her parents will make her marry who ever they please hence the reason she doesnt want to get close.
I asked her wat does she want and she said that she wanted to be with me, I told her I will back off now if u feel this isnt 100%, but she said no she wants me.

That evening was better and very very passionate (more then the other nights).

Sunday was also perfect, but then the day she was leaving she recieved a text and she hid it from me. I asked her why, as when ever I had a call or text she was so into them and I had nothing to hide.
She said she was very personal over her phone and lets no one go thrugh them. She mentioned guys do text her allot and some flirt with her.
Apparantly the guy who wants to marry her has been texting her and she didnt want me to see them texts.

She told me all this in the end but she still didnt show the texts and now I dunno what to do?

I really like her and she makes me very happy but its this phone and undercover stuff...

Reply 1

username47781

20

Unfortunatly when shes been put in an arranged marriage there is nothing you can do unfortunatly, it's part of her religion and the way shes been brought up.

Reply 2

minimo

15

I suggest you don't get involved. She sounds like one of the many unbelievably flirty Asian girls I know who try to get off with as many white guys as possible when not under the thumb of Mummy and Daddy.

Reply 3

Talya

16

Carl1982

Unfortunatly when shes been put in an arranged marriage there is nothing you can do unfortunatly, it's part of her religion and the way shes been brought up.

Er! WHAT! If I was to be forced into an arranged marriage I didn't want, I'd want as many of my friends as possible to be there to help protect me and stop it.

In this day and age there are charities and organisations that can HELP give you a CHOICE instead of blindly following your parents.

Ask her if she wants an arranged marriage. If she says yes, then well, you should let her go. If not, fight for her corner!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Talya

Er! WHAT! If I was to be forced into an arranged marriage I didn't want, I'd want as many of my friends as possible to be there to help protect me and stop it.

In this day and age there are charities and organisations that can HELP give you a CHOICE instead of blindly following your parents.

Ask her if she wants an arranged marriage. If she says yes, then well, you should let her go. If not, fight for her corner!

Well I just spoke to her and she actually spoke to the guy shes supposeably gonna get married to. Hes apparantly family and hence the reason she texts and chats to him. She said she doesnt want to marry him but she is carrying on speaking to him to keep it cool between families. She said when she was on the phone to him (just 20mins back) she told him she likes a guy but not going out with him to try and get him to move back. I told her u need to cut down talking to him if u want to be with me as I dont want to be apart of somthing with so much confusion and no future. She said she wants me, so for time being I will fight for her.

What you guys think?

Reply 5

minimo

15

What I said earlier. I'm an Asian girl and frankly here at uni, 90% of the Asian girls are the sort who just try to get with as many guys as possible. PLEASE be cautious, you're probably not the only guy she's having this little game with.

Reply 6

Toy Soldier

3

You might as well see how much you can get anyway though, right? If you keep trying and she's all like "Oh no, hehe, I couldn't" then just get well away.

Reply 7

hiky

Carl1982

Unfortunatly when shes been put in an arranged marriage there is nothing you can do unfortunatly, it's part of her religion and the way shes been brought up.

Let me correct that. Its part of culture, nothing to do with religion...

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Well the advantage is its a long distance relationship. Shes a really nice girl other wise, Very caring and knowledgable. She said she might be comming down to London this weekend so lets see what happens. Then I might be going over to Wales on the 10th for 5 days. Then after that shes going to Africa for 2-3 months (home town).
Its early days but I rather sort this all out before I get too attached.

Reply 9

hiky

Anonymous

Well the advantage is its a long distance relationship. Shes a really nice girl other wise, Very caring and knowledgable. She said she might be comming down to London this weekend so lets see what happens. Then I might be going over to Wales on the 10th for 5 days. Then after that shes going to Africa for 2-3 months (home town).
Its early days but I rather sort this all out before I get too attached.

Ha. And heres everyone assuming shes Asian :rolleyes:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

*~>Mittow<~*

Ha. And heres everyone assuming shes Asian :rolleyes:

she is Asian, Plenty of Asians live in Africa.

Reply 11

hiky

Anonymous

she is Asian, Plenty of Asians live in Africa.

Ahh

My bad!

Reply 12

bountykk

you have two options

1. get her pregnant so that she can't have an arranged marriage

2. get the bloke who she is supposed to have an arranged marriage a Thai bide from the internet so that you can say to her parents that he has been unfaithful

Reply 13

zain88

1

When you are 100% sure that she is serious about you and will not marry this guy just to keep her family happy, then fight for her all you can. Right now, it seems she isn't that serious about you because she doesn't want to get close. She would like to be with you, but isn't sure how hard she will struggle to achieve that.
Do not get too attached and tread carefully.

Personally, from what you are saying I feel your relationship currently is based very much on lust. (not to say this is a bad thing.) but it is a very complicated situation to put yourself in just for the sex.

Reply 14

zain88

1

minimo

What I said earlier. I'm an Asian girl and frankly here at uni, 90% of the Asian girls are the sort who just try to get with as many guys as possible. PLEASE be cautious, you're probably not the only guy she's having this little game with.

really??!!!!! :frown:

Reply 15

minimo

15

Sadly, it seems the case.

Reply 16

bluenoxid

13

*~>Mittow<~*

Let me correct that. Its part of culture, nothing to do with religion...

Pos Rep for stating the obvious, its culture not religion in the case of forced marriages, not all sectors of Islam agree with it

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Another related issue -
She is still close to this guy in terms of contacting him. He contacts her more or less every day. She says she cant break the contact as they were really close and she doesnt see him in that way at all and assures me nothing will happen but hes confessed before he loves her.
He called her up today asking to meet as he needed to give her somthing but she said not now as she was busy. Then he called again asking to meet and she said she was feeling unwell and he suggested to take her to eat in her faviroute cafe but she said no as he has exams and she suggested they go after hes exams.
Should I just trust her nothing will happen and continue to allow her to be close with this guy or do I make myself heard that I aint comfortable with her meeting this guy and keeping in contact everyday.

She doesnt want to tell her friends that she has a b/f as shes scared they will tell her sister who will tell her family.

What do I do?

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