Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Would I ever find the same love again? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anon or delete please

    Basically, I've been with my girlfriend over 1.5 years. We got together at university, when she was on a year abroad here. We're both 22, it is my first proper relationship so to a large extend I just don't know what to expect. I loved her then, and still do. I love spending time with her and just talking or whatever, and she's utterly in love with me, treats me great and I trust her wholly.
    I was considering ending it when she had to go back, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, despite the fact that I had doubts about whether I wanted to make such a big commitment as committing to such a long distance relationship. We've seen each other a few times since then, in intervals of a few weeks, and those times have been great, and she's coming back to the UK (albeit nowhere near me) this year so in theory the hardest part is almost over.
    But I was sort of hoping the doubts I had would fade away once I'd made the commitment, but they haven't. It's not just about the long distance bit, but the relationship itself. My love for her has grown all the time since we've been together, but for everything that's great about our relationship I still have exactly the same nagging doubts about us as when we first got together and I'm beginning to think they will never go away. I realise that I've been endlessly convincing myself she's perfect for me without really ever believing it. I have to admit I've always struggled to say 'I love you' without it sounding forced. We've talked about our future a lot and I can honestly see myself having a happy future with her, but again I just still have doubts about whether she's really what I want, and whether it would really turn out like we talk about.
    So clearly I'm approaching the idea I should break up with her, but again I'm not sure I can bring myself to do it. Not only would it absolutely crush her, but there are so many things I love about us and the way we interact that, for all the nagging imperfections, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to get anywhere else. I just don't know what to do, and when the options are basically 'break up' or 'stay with her forever' it's so difficult.

    I come away with this with the strong feeling that I'm a prick for not addressing this earlier.

    tl:dr Boy has doubts about his first girlfriend but worries whether if he breaks up with her he will ever find the same love again.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    How hot is she?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Chief Oil Trifle)
    How hot is she?
    Allright, fit enough to do the business but one of the nagging doubts has always been whether I'm more attractive than her.

    That thought is one of the reasons I feel like a prick.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Allright, fit enough to do the business but one of the nagging doubts has always been whether I'm more attractive than her.

    That thought is one of the reasons I feel like a prick.
    It's a reasonable doubt to have
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Chief Oil Trifle)
    How hot is she?
    Seconded...

    Pics or it didn't happen.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete please

    Basically, I've been with my girlfriend over 1.5 years. We got together at university, when she was on a year abroad here. We're both 22, it is my first proper relationship so to a large extend I just don't know what to expect. I loved her then, and still do. I love spending time with her and just talking or whatever, and she's utterly in love with me, treats me great and I trust her wholly.
    I was considering ending it when she had to go back, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, despite the fact that I had doubts about whether I wanted to make such a big commitment as committing to such a long distance relationship. We've seen each other a few times since then, in intervals of a few weeks, and those times have been great, and she's coming back to the UK (albeit nowhere near me) this year so in theory the hardest part is almost over.
    But I was sort of hoping the doubts I had would fade away once I'd made the commitment, but they haven't. It's not just about the long distance bit, but the relationship itself. My love for her has grown all the time since we've been together, but for everything that's great about our relationship I still have exactly the same nagging doubts about us as when we first got together and I'm beginning to think they will never go away. I realise that I've been endlessly convincing myself she's perfect for me without really ever believing it. I have to admit I've always struggled to say 'I love you' without it sounding forced. We've talked about our future a lot and I can honestly see myself having a happy future with her, but again I just still have doubts about whether she's really what I want, and whether it would really turn out like we talk about.
    So clearly I'm approaching the idea I should break up with her, but again I'm not sure I can bring myself to do it. Not only would it absolutely crush her, but there are so many things I love about us and the way we interact that, for all the nagging imperfections, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to get anywhere else. I just don't know what to do, and when the options are basically 'break up' or 'stay with her forever' it's so difficult.

    I come away with this with the strong feeling that I'm a prick for not addressing this earlier.

    tl:dr Boy has doubts about his first girlfriend but worries whether if he breaks up with her he will ever find the same love again.
    I'm going to use a great quote from Tge Matrix here 'No one can tell you you're in love you just know it. Balls to bones.' If that's not how you feel which it seems you don't looks like anything like 3yrs+ will be a struggle for you.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    .
    So clearly I'm approaching the idea I should break up with her, but again I'm not sure I can bring myself to do it. Not only would it absolutely crush her, but there are so many things I love about us and the way we interact that, for all the nagging imperfections, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to get anywhere else. I just don't know what to do, and when the options are basically 'break up' or 'stay with her forever' it's so difficult.

    I come away with this with the strong feeling that I'm a prick for not addressing this earlier.

    tl:dr Boy has doubts about his first girlfriend but worries whether if he breaks up with her he will ever find the same love again.
    Woah woah woah. Why are these your only two options? Is she demanding you get married when she comes back? To be honest I think a lot of your problem is you've put all this pressure on yourself to decide now, before you're ready. When given an ultimatum, people often panic. Sit back, relax, and remember you have plenty of time to make this choice. It will come in time. You'll know.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: May 13, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.