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    Hi - would appreciate some perspectives.

    I'm coming to the end of my second year and am not in a relationship. I haven't had a boyfriend in the entire time I've been at university, which I've found surprising and disappointing. I've slept with a couple of people and was seeing a guy for a couple of weeks, but that's it.
    In my whole time I've been here, I've been in love. I know love's a strong word but I don't think it can be called anything less. It just doesn't go away. This person is a friend and I know without any doubt that he does not consider me the same way.
    I don't mind this and I'm happy for him that he's seeing girls. Part of the strong feelings I have for him is wanting him to be happy, even though he can't be happy with me.
    But it's getting ridiculous -- I want some happiness for me, and I don't think that's going to happen while I still have feelings for him. He's the kind of person who, even in friendship, blows hot and cold, and will make no contact, not even replying to texts for periods of time. Whenever he 'goes away' I begin to feel I'm moving on, but then he's back and he can be really misleading.
    I've said things before when I've been drunk that, I feel, must have made it pretty clear how I feel. He must have an inkling.
    It's been two years now and my heart still speeds up when he lavishes a bit of attention on me. Frankly it's absurd.
    I don't know what to do - I am beginning to wonder if it might be worth cutting him out of my life fullstop?
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    It will hurt, it won't be easy, and you'll miss him at first, but I think cutting him lose might be the best option at this point.

    HOWEVER, I think you should tell him exactly how you feel first. If he really does know what you're feeling (which I suspect he might), then going hot and cold on you like that isn't a nice thing to do. Obviously I don't know him so I don't want to assume, but he probably knows full well that you have a thing for him and might possibly be somewhat enjoying the power it gives him. Though, like I said, because I don't know him it might genuinely be that he hasn't seen it. Just make it clear exactly how you feel about him (preferably when your sober, so he knows you're serious), then - if you want - tell him that you don't think you should be friends anymore so that you can put those feelings behind you.

    Good luck either way.
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    (Original post by booksnob)
    Hi - would appreciate some perspectives.

    I'm coming to the end of my second year and am not in a relationship. I haven't had a boyfriend in the entire time I've been at university, which I've found surprising and disappointing. I've slept with a couple of people and was seeing a guy for a couple of weeks, but that's it.
    In my whole time I've been here, I've been in love. I know love's a strong word but I don't think it can be called anything less. It just doesn't go away. This person is a friend and I know without any doubt that he does not consider me the same way.
    I don't mind this and I'm happy for him that he's seeing girls. Part of the strong feelings I have for him is wanting him to be happy, even though he can't be happy with me.
    But it's getting ridiculous -- I want some happiness for me, and I don't think that's going to happen while I still have feelings for him. He's the kind of person who, even in friendship, blows hot and cold, and will make no contact, not even replying to texts for periods of time. Whenever he 'goes away' I begin to feel I'm moving on, but then he's back and he can be really misleading.
    I've said things before when I've been drunk that, I feel, must have made it pretty clear how I feel. He must have an inkling.
    It's been two years now and my heart still speeds up when he lavishes a bit of attention on me. Frankly it's absurd.
    I don't know what to do - I am beginning to wonder if it might be worth cutting him out of my life fullstop?
    I can relate to how you feel, sometimes the only way to actually get over someone is to cut them off even though you don't want to do that. I've been in that position where I have had to cut someone off really recently (an ex) I won't go into the story because its long but when I first did it I kinda wanted them to make an effort and got a bit down when they didn't but as the days go on you realize that you have made the right decision and it becomes just a little bit easier. Obviously being someones friend and having to cut them off is awkward and hard but even though you know that they may not feel the same for you, your feelings don't and they won't change until you get a fresh break and a chance to get over the situation so that you can fully move on and start being happy for yourself.

    Hope this helps!
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    I always say when an irrational infatuation (sorry...I can't really put it in a nicer way) pops up, it's very difficult for it to disappear whilst this person is still active in your own life. I had...OK...I have the same thing....feeling...for this irritating girl at work and it infuriates me so much. I can't stand this girl yet I really wanted her...and there was no rational reasoning for this feeling. When I don't see her, I'm fine. I don't (really) think about her (that much) and I have little to no interest in her. Then I see her again and it comes back. And I hate it. I really do.

    For me the answer is to cut her out my life completely and not talk to her at all because I'm much happier when I don't see or talk to her. I very much want that conclusion (here's hoping I get that accounts job in my home town). Maybe it'll be the same for you.

    I recommend you don't talk to him or hang around him anymore. If you've been infatuated for this long, it's not going to go away whilst you're around him. Get rid of him. Permanently. Seek distractions with new people. Good luck.....
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    In my experience, once you've fallen in love with someone, you don't ever stop feeling that way.
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    You're infatuated. Not the same thing as love. Believe me, I've felt both. Love requires two people, reciprocation, really.

    You need to get over him. Maybe you should distance yourself for a while.

    Or you could admit your feelings. He may surprise you and happen to like you back.

    Good luck.


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    (Original post by Jennejy)
    It will hurt, it won't be easy, and you'll miss him at first, but I think cutting him lose might be the best option at this point.

    HOWEVER, I think you should tell him exactly how you feel first. If he really does know what you're feeling (which I suspect he might), then going hot and cold on you like that isn't a nice thing to do. Obviously I don't know him so I don't want to assume, but he probably knows full well that you have a thing for him and might possibly be somewhat enjoying the power it gives him. Though, like I said, because I don't know him it might genuinely be that he hasn't seen it. Just make it clear exactly how you feel about him (preferably when your sober, so he knows you're serious), then - if you want - tell him that you don't think you should be friends anymore so that you can put those feelings behind you.

    Good luck either way.
    Thank you. It won't be easy at all as I care about him so deeply as a friend, but it hurts me all the time and yeah, life is too short for that. Especially university.
    I can't imagine ever saying it out right to him because of the relationship we have. He's quite an insecure and unhappy person, though he masks it in this big swooping bravado. There have only been a few times he's let this mask drop and I've felt we've been really close, but then he clouds up again. I guess the word I'd use to describe him as is flippant.
    I don't want to hurt him by dropping him though, and I know that at least at first it will hurt me too. Especially as we have mutual friends, would not it be giving it more emphasis than before, making me focus on it even more? aaaah I despair.
    At least summer's coming up. I can breathe a bit.

    Thank you.
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    (Original post by KerryF94)
    I can relate to how you feel, sometimes the only way to actually get over someone is to cut them off even though you don't want to do that. I've been in that position where I have had to cut someone off really recently (an ex) I won't go into the story because its long but when I first did it I kinda wanted them to make an effort and got a bit down when they didn't but as the days go on you realize that you have made the right decision and it becomes just a little bit easier. Obviously being someones friend and having to cut them off is awkward and hard but even though you know that they may not feel the same for you, your feelings don't and they won't change until you get a fresh break and a chance to get over the situation so that you can fully move on and start being happy for yourself.

    Hope this helps!
    Thank you, yeah it helps a lot
    I hope you feel you made the right decision.
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    (Original post by Eljamaispa)
    You're infatuated. Not the same thing as love. Believe me, I've felt both. Love requires two people, reciprocation, really.

    You need to get over him. Maybe you should distance yourself for a while.

    Or you could admit your feelings. He may surprise you and happen to like you back.

    Good luck.


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    Can infatuation last nearly two years without burning out? I don't know, at the end I guess these are just names we assign to feelings.

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    If you don't want to make a big deal out of it just gradually spend less time with him and if he texts you just take a while before you answer back and make the response a little less friendly than you normally would. Just make an excuse if he wants to speak to you or meet you. Don't be rude but just don't let conversations run as smoothly as before.

    After a while of this he should get the message, if he doesn't and he asks you why you are being distant with him, juts say that you've been busy with work/uni/family/other friends etc.

    Eventually you should be able to spend time with him just as friends and won't feel the same.
 
 
 
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