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My "geeky" friends hate me because I've changed Watch

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    Just to clarify first of all, I don't think there's a problem with being geeky at all. When I started uni, I was the sort of girl who played video games regularly, read loads of fantasy and sci-fi novels, listened to alternative rock and whatnot (though I realise that isn't necessarily geeky) and dressed in a very casual, laid-back wayy. As a consequence most the friends I have from first year are really intellectual (not so much regarding their degrees but they're into that kind of stuff too).

    It's now my third year, however, and I feel really lonely and left out by my old friends for some reason. I've made new ones, obviously, but we aren't as close as we haven't known each other for as long. I've changed as a person, and I feel like my "geekier" friends despise me because of it.I haven't become meaner or more selfish, I've always been really nice to all my friends and always will, but I've become more assertive as I was really shy in first year and everyone seemed to assume I would be like that forever. I've made decisions that go against what most of them agree with, and that really seems to have annoyed them.

    For example, one of my friends from the chess society wanted me to go out with another of my friends whom he'd known since he was about three. I said no because I didn't find him that physically attractive, although he's a nice person, and he started spreading the word I was stuck-up and and had bad taste in guys (I told him I fancied the captain of the rugby club which he said was shallow).

    I'm also quite health-conscious and was picked for the uni netball team, a group of people who are quite well-known around campus and were described by my geekier friends as a "bunch of pretentious posers." I got a gilet as I was elected onto the committee and was made fun of by my old friends when I wore it. I wasn't trying to exactly flash it in their face but it was like they really resented me. I told them I couldn't drink so much on nights out due to my sporting commitments and they made fun of me for ages. If I make one mention of "girly" things to my geeky friends (even the female ones) like "I got my hair done last week" they roll their eyes or something. I like wearing stuff like Jack Wills and so on (but don't flaunt it) which they make me feel bad about, even though I earned it by part time work (I don't have rich parents).

    I like these guys and want to stay friends with them, but how do I get them to accept the new me? It's like they only want to be friends with the quiet shy girl who played video games, but that's just not me any more.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've made decisions that go against what most of them agree with, and that really seems to have annoyed them.
    Reread that sentence and then try to work out why you're not really friends with them any more. I'm not saying that it's bad that you've changed, but you've got to understand that your old friends made friends with the "old" you and won't necessarily like the "new" you. It's pretty simple really...
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    (Original post by Rob da Mop)
    Reread that sentence and then try to work out why you're not really friends with them any more. I'm not saying that it's bad that you've changed, but you've got to understand that your old friends made friends with the "old" you and won't necessarily like the "new" you. It's pretty simple really...
    OK, maybe I should have worded it better - I don't mean I've become the stereotypical mean snob or something, I just mean I've pursued interests that they aren't really all that keen on. I'm still nice and I can still hold an intellectual conversation with any of them, but a lot of them won't even go that far with me any more - they're always like "Do you still remember what this or that is?"
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    They sound like they have chips on their shoulders, why should you have gone out with that boy if you didn't want to? You can be a member of whatever society or wear what you like. They're the shallow ones for dismissing you so suddenly after you've supposedly changed your appearance. That's all you've done, change how you look and what sport you do, not your personality and you sound like a nice person anyway.

    Who do you prefer being with: your old friends or the netball team? Be friends with whoever is a better crowd to be around, who don't put you down, and match your current interests. I don't think you've ditched them, you're still making the effort, despite your new interests (which happens when you're growing up).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK, maybe I should have worded it better - I don't mean I've become the stereotypical mean snob or something, I just mean I've pursued interests that they aren't really all that keen on. I'm still nice and I can still hold an intellectual conversation with any of them, but a lot of them won't even go that far with me any more - they're always like "Do you still remember what this or that is?"
    But you are keen on it You don't owe them anything to not play netball when you like it. You're the same person, just added hobbies.
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    (Original post by Iron Lady)
    They sound like they have chips on their shoulders, why should you have gone out with that boy if you didn't want to? You can be a member of whatever society or wear what you like. They're the shallow ones for dismissing you so suddenly after you've supposedly changed your appearance. That's all you've done, change how you look and what sport you do, not your personality and you sound like a nice person anyway.

    Who do you prefer being with: your old friends or the netball team? Be friends with whoever is a better crowd to be around, who don't put you down, and match your current interests. I don't think you've ditched them, you're still making the effort, despite your new interests (which happens when you're growing up).
    My personality has changed a bit (I'm alot more extroverted and forward) but I don't see that as a bad thing. I'm still nice just not a pushover any more.

    I don't want to lose all my old friends but I can't force them to like me, and at the moment they just seem to think I'm one of "the others" which is sad really I also haven't had as much time to hang out with them due to playing so much sport, but I do make the effort regularly!
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    you're in 3rd year there's a matter of weeks left...so who cares
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My personality has changed a bit (I'm alot more extroverted and forward) but I don't see that as a bad thing. I'm still nice just not a pushover any more.

    I don't want to lose all my old friends but I can't force them to like me, and at the moment they just seem to think I'm one of "the others" which is sad really I also haven't had as much time to hang out with them due to playing so much sport, but I do make the effort regularly!
    No your change of personality or becoming more extroverted, isn't a bad thing in itself, if it's "just happened" (i.e. is natural) and I know what you mean about not wanting to be a pushover anymore.

    You can't force them to accept you, but continue making the effort to show you value their friendship, and hopefully they will come around at some point.

    Based on what I've read, you've done nothing wrong, you're just "changing" as you get older that's all.
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    You're friends sound horrible tbh. The whole point of being friends is to have each others back and accept eacb other for who you are. You like the person for who they are not what sports they play or what clothes theh wear.

    Snobs look down on people for being different. For not wearing the same styled outfit or doing the things they are into. Friends make the effort to try to integrate your new interests with their own. You OP are a good friend because you've remained nice to them and made the effort to try things which interest them holding conversations of a nature appealing to them. Theyve in return treated you like rubbish. Like you don't matter. Likd an outsider

    Get some new friends and cut this lot out OP. You're too good for them

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just to clarify first of all, I don't think there's a problem with being geeky at all. When I started uni, I was the sort of girl who played video games regularly, read loads of fantasy and sci-fi novels, listened to alternative rock and whatnot (though I realise that isn't necessarily geeky) and dressed in a very casual, laid-back wayy. As a consequence most the friends I have from first year are really intellectual (not so much regarding their degrees but they're into that kind of stuff too).

    It's now my third year, however, and I feel really lonely and left out by my old friends for some reason. I've made new ones, obviously, but we aren't as close as we haven't known each other for as long. I've changed as a person, and I feel like my "geekier" friends despise me because of it.I haven't become meaner or more selfish, I've always been really nice to all my friends and always will, but I've become more assertive as I was really shy in first year and everyone seemed to assume I would be like that forever. I've made decisions that go against what most of them agree with, and that really seems to have annoyed them.

    For example, one of my friends from the chess society wanted me to go out with another of my friends whom he'd known since he was about three. I said no because I didn't find him that physically attractive, although he's a nice person, and he started spreading the word I was stuck-up and and had bad taste in guys (I told him I fancied the captain of the rugby club which he said was shallow).

    I'm also quite health-conscious and was picked for the uni netball team, a group of people who are quite well-known around campus and were described by my geekier friends as a "bunch of pretentious posers." I got a gilet as I was elected onto the committee and was made fun of by my old friends when I wore it. I wasn't trying to exactly flash it in their face but it was like they really resented me. I told them I couldn't drink so much on nights out due to my sporting commitments and they made fun of me for ages. If I make one mention of "girly" things to my geeky friends (even the female ones) like "I got my hair done last week" they roll their eyes or something. I like wearing stuff like Jack Wills and so on (but don't flaunt it) which they make me feel bad about, even though I earned it by part time work (I don't have rich parents).

    I like these guys and want to stay friends with them, but how do I get them to accept the new me? It's like they only want to be friends with the quiet shy girl who played video games, but that's just not me any more.
    I have no idea why anyone would want to be friends with a bunch of toxic people like that. I know many 'geeks' and 'nerds' and they would never act that way if someone decided to pursue their different interests and would infact applaud it.

    Perhaps they feel hurt but that's not really a good enough justification to make you feel like crap about it. Ask them if they do genuinely mind you doing these things and if they feel you've grown apart and why. You can take it from there.
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    As long as you're not making these changes to fit in with the 'popular' kids, you're doing nothing wrong.
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    It does sound like your friends have a chip on their shoulder because they've never won the social popularity contest or fitted in, and feel that you becoming more outgoing and joining the netball team etc is you turning to the dark side and becoming one of them. You just have to make some effort to show that you're still their friends, but at the same time don't bend over backwards for them. If they aren't willing to accept you for who you've become, then they aren't people you want to hang around with and you'll have to spend less time with them. People change.
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    A lot of media and people seem to spread the myth that more geeky and introverted people tend to be nicer and more tolerant. I don't think that's true, just being on here, the amount of people who call people who go clubbing disgusting idiots with no self respect. The less social people portray themselves as the victims, but in my experience they **** off the other lot more than the other way round.
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    (Original post by Complex Simplicity)
    You're friends sound horrible tbh. The whole point of being friends is to have each others back and accept eacb other for who you are. You like the person for who they are not what sports they play or what clothes theh wear.

    Snobs look down on people for being different. For not wearing the same styled outfit or doing the things they are into. Friends make the effort to try to integrate your new interests with their own. You OP are a good friend because you've remained nice to them and made the effort to try things which interest them holding conversations of a nature appealing to them. Theyve in return treated you like rubbish. Like you don't matter. Likd an outsider

    Get some new friends and cut this lot out OP. You're too good for them

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    (Original post by ANARCHY__)
    I have no idea why anyone would want to be friends with a bunch of toxic people like that. I know many 'geeks' and 'nerds' and they would never act that way if someone decided to pursue their different interests and would infact applaud it.

    Perhaps they feel hurt but that's not really a good enough justification to make you feel like crap about it. Ask them if they do genuinely mind you doing these things and if they feel you've grown apart and why. You can take it from there.
    (Original post by foolscap)
    It does sound like your friends have a chip on their shoulder because they've never won the social popularity contest or fitted in, and feel that you becoming more outgoing and joining the netball team etc is you turning to the dark side and becoming one of them. You just have to make some effort to show that you're still their friends, but at the same time don't bend over backwards for them. If they aren't willing to accept you for who you've become, then they aren't people you want to hang around with and you'll have to spend less time with them. People change.
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    A lot of media and people seem to spread the myth that more geeky and introverted people tend to be nicer and more tolerant. I don't think that's true, just being on here, the amount of people who call people who go clubbing disgusting idiots with no self respect. The less social people portray themselves as the victims, but in my experience they **** off the other lot more than the other way round.
    I hate to sound arrogant but I'm starting to think you guys are right and that they are getting insecure. They can be really spiteful to me sometimes, even when I've tried my best to fit in. We have a couple of first-year students in our friendship group, some of whom are nice and some aren't, and sometimes my old friends will go up to them and be like "You're my favourite" right in front of me, or post on their FB walls and text them regularly which is something I never get. Sometimes I see them on the bus to uni and we make eye contact, then when I smile at them they walk straight past. I can't understand why they've turned on me so much, though.

    Just found out one of my friends in this group (whom I've known since first year) had a birthday night out last week and didn't invite me along, despite the fact I've always been nice to him, and even asked a few freshers along whom we've only known for a few months. Guess I wasn't important enough. Literally feel so low right now
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate to sound arrogant but I'm starting to think you guys are right and that they are getting insecure. They can be really spiteful to me sometimes, even when I've tried my best to fit in. We have a couple of first-year students in our friendship group, some of whom are nice and some aren't, and sometimes my old friends will go up to them and be like "You're my favourite" right in front of me, or post on their FB walls and text them regularly which is something I never get. Sometimes I see them on the bus to uni and we make eye contact, then when I smile at them they walk straight past. I can't understand why they've turned on me so much, though.

    Just found out one of my friends in this group (whom I've known since first year) had a birthday night out last week and didn't invite me along, despite the fact I've always been nice to him, and even asked a few freshers along whom we've only known for a few months. Guess I wasn't important enough. Literally feel so low right now
    I think it's time you throw your weight around and confront them, as it seems pretty clear that you've been pushed out of the group. You haven't directly done anything to hurt them but you've obviously annoyed them, try and find out their stupid reasons and say that you don't want to throw away your friendship with them.
    The new freshers have probs been told a lot of bs about how they should stay away from you cos your not one of them anymore, they're just blindly following what they've been told, and if you try and talk to them they'll probably just go running back to your other mates with what you said, so confront whoever it is you used to be best friends with or the main people in the group.
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    (Original post by foolscap)
    I think it's time you throw your weight around and confront them, as it seems pretty clear that you've been pushed out of the group. You haven't directly done anything to hurt them but you've obviously annoyed them, try and find out their stupid reasons and say that you don't want to throw away your friendship with them.

    The new freshers have probs been told a lot of bs about how they should stay away from you cos your not one of them anymore, they're just blindly following what they've been told, and if you try and talk to them they'll probably just go running back to your other mates with what you said, so confront whoever it is you used to be best friends with or the main people in the group.
    I get on fine with most of the freshers (there are a few snobby ones but hey that's to be expected ) though I think they'll have been told about how I think I'm "too good" for them or whatever. Every single year of uni, my old friends have kept insulting all the popular groups of people in the Uni (like the Students' Union people and so on) and now I'm the captain of the netball team and sell club tickets I suppose there's a good chance they're talking behind my back too.

    I don't know if confronting them is the best idea, though. They're really petty (they'll go on for ages about people whom they dislike even if it's for a tiny thing like not remembering their name) and this would probably just push them away from me for good. I've tried everything though (even not hanging out with them as much, but they didn't seem to care TBH).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I get on fine with most of the freshers (there are a few snobby ones but hey that's to be expected ) though I think they'll have been told about how I think I'm "too good" for them or whatever. Every single year of uni, my old friends have kept insulting all the popular groups of people in the Uni (like the Students' Union people and so on) and now I'm the captain of the netball team and sell club tickets I suppose there's a good chance they're talking behind my back too.

    I don't know if confronting them is the best idea, though. They're really petty (they'll go on for ages about people whom they dislike even if it's for a tiny thing like not remembering their name) and this would probably just push them away from me for good. I've tried everything though (even not hanging out with them as much, but they didn't seem to care TBH).
    They sounds like tits. I'd advise confrontation to make sure they know how their behaviour affects you.


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    (Original post by LexiswasmyNexis)
    They sounds like tits. I'd advise confrontation to make sure they know how their behaviour affects you.


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    TBH they're some of the people whom I've known longest at uni, though How would you advise I confront them?
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    people change.

    Find some new friends, since you don't owe it to anybody really regarding who you are and what you want to do.
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    (Original post by Rob da Mop)
    Reread that sentence and then try to work out why you're not really friends with them any more. I'm not saying that it's bad that you've changed, but you've got to understand that your old friends made friends with the "old" you and won't necessarily like the "new" you. It's pretty simple really...
    This. Nobody has to accept anybody.
 
 
 
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