My "geeky" friends hate me because I've changed

I get on fine with most of the freshers (there are a few snobby ones but hey that's to be expected :tongue:

) though I think they'll have been told about how I think I'm "too good" for them or whatever. Every single year of uni, my old friends have kept insulting all the popular groups of people in the Uni (like the Students' Union people and so on) and now I'm the captain of the netball team and sell club tickets I suppose there's a good chance they're talking behind my back too.

I don't know if confronting them is the best idea, though. They're really petty (they'll go on for ages about people whom they dislike even if it's for a tiny thing like not remembering their name) and this would probably just push them away from me for good. I've tried everything though (even not hanging out with them as much, but they didn't seem to care TBH).

Screw confrontations, cut ties and move on. I was friends with a group of people for an entire year, and afterwards they turned into complete sourcakes because I couldn't hang around them for as long as I used to. You really do not want to hang around a group of people like this, they will do nothing but bitch behind your back for the rest of your time at uni. Yea it's sad, the precious time spent with them and yadda yadda, but they don't care for you at all. You'll even be happier completely on your own.

Reply 21

ANARCHY__

13

Original post by Anonymous

I hate to sound arrogant but I'm starting to think you guys are right and that they are getting insecure. They can be really spiteful to me sometimes, even when I've tried my best to fit in. We have a couple of first-year students in our friendship group, some of whom are nice and some aren't, and sometimes my old friends will go up to them and be like "You're my favourite" right in front of me, or post on their FB walls and text them regularly which is something I never get. Sometimes I see them on the bus to uni and we make eye contact, then when I smile at them they walk straight past. I can't understand why they've turned on me so much, though.

Just found out one of my friends in this group (whom I've known since first year) had a birthday night out last week and didn't invite me along, despite the fact I've always been nice to him, and even asked a few freshers along whom we've only known for a few months. Guess I wasn't important enough. Literally feel so low right now :frown:

I think you're a nice person from the bits of information you've given in the posts you've replied and the way you're carrying yourself. I don't think it's arrogant at all to admit that you're correct (in my view, I agree) but you genuinely seem like somebody who doesn't deserve a bunch of - frankly - bullies.

If there is no one in that group you'd like to remain friends with, I'd disassociate straight away. It's a shame that these three years have ultimately led to this but if I were you, I would simply drift away than end things acrimoniously. That way, it'll help you forget about the whole thing so you can move on instead of remembering so final argument or fight you had with them. Unfortunately, these people just seem incompatible to change and change is something you want to do so I would simply continue as you are and seek no kind of reprimand/etc.

:smile:

Reply 22

foolscap

9

Original post by Anonymous

I get on fine with most of the freshers (there are a few snobby ones but hey that's to be expected :tongue:

) though I think they'll have been told about how I think I'm "too good" for them or whatever. Every single year of uni, my old friends have kept insulting all the popular groups of people in the Uni (like the Students' Union people and so on) and now I'm the captain of the netball team and sell club tickets I suppose there's a good chance they're talking behind my back too.

I don't know if confronting them is the best idea, though. They're really petty (they'll go on for ages about people whom they dislike even if it's for a tiny thing like not remembering their name) and this would probably just push them away from me for good. I've tried everything though (even not hanging out with them as much, but they didn't seem to care TBH).

Well instead of confronting them then you'll just have to spend more time with these freshers and work your way back into the group from there I guess. You are sort of fighting a losing battle as you're always going to find that these people won't like anyone remotely popular.
However, I find it interesting that you wrote they think you think you're "too good", because that makes me think that shutting you out is their defense mechanism, they think you've moved on and look down on them now.
I had something similiar to this at college, I used to always get comments about how I was spending time with other people instead of my main friendship group (who were quite nerdy), it was a combination of me spending more time with them again to establish new running jokes and things we enjoyed in common, and them sort of accepting who I was that lead to us leaving as really good friends again, but sure they'd never come clubbing with me or anything like that.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 23

lyrical_lie

19

Original post by Anonymous

I hate to sound arrogant but I'm starting to think you guys are right and that they are getting insecure. They can be really spiteful to me sometimes, even when I've tried my best to fit in. We have a couple of first-year students in our friendship group, some of whom are nice and some aren't, and sometimes my old friends will go up to them and be like "You're my favourite" right in front of me, or post on their FB walls and text them regularly which is something I never get. Sometimes I see them on the bus to uni and we make eye contact, then when I smile at them they walk straight past. I can't understand why they've turned on me so much, though.

Just found out one of my friends in this group (whom I've known since first year) had a birthday night out last week and didn't invite me along, despite the fact I've always been nice to him, and even asked a few freshers along whom we've only known for a few months. Guess I wasn't important enough. Literally feel so low right now :frown:

This sounds similar to a situation I was in with the same type of people. Basically issues happened and I was not invited out, bitchy remarks said to people I didn't know about me etcetc.

I cut my losses and I'm much happier with the friends that stuck by me. I've made plenty of new ones. I mean why hang out with people if they get you down. The only thing that doesn't help my case is I'm awful for holding grudges lol.

So I'd suggest stick with the friends that make you happy and just ignore other people, I mean with friends like that who needs enemies.

Reply 24

Delain

8

I'd be more inclined to cut ties with them if they are going to be like that. I had a similar problem when I was at Uni before - I'd made friends with a bunch of people on my Foundation year who seemed cool but when we started the degree proper, they started being nasty, excluding me, making snidey digs and so on. It sounds like you're in the same sort of situation. In the end, I started talking to some of the other students and they turned out to be really decent people, even better than the original group. So I think it would be better for you, especially if you don't have long left of your studies, to be friends with people who aren't going to be snidey and exclusionary.

Reply 25

aspirinpharmacist

20

They sound pretty snobby, I know heaps of people who are "geeky" (myself included) who don't judge others for going clubbing and stuff, and do it themselves. Society has this idea that you have to be one or the other, and you can't be both. Um, yes you can. I'm actually worried that when I go home this summer (I won't have been home in 7 months) some of my old mates will avoid me because I do drink now and go clubbing and whatnot, I just grew up, that's all. I didn't like drinking when I was younger because I hated the taste. At the same time, I have friends who don't drink and I don't judge them at all, I don't care. I don't think you can force them to accept you to be honest, they sound pretty close-minded and maybe a bit jealous of your new confidence? Lots of girls I went to school with became more confident and more like one of the "cool girls" but they're still the same person and I'm still half-friends with them although we kind of drifted apart when they started hanging out with their new friends. You outgrow people, and I think the way your friends are acting, you might be best off drifting away.