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    My boyfriend and I have been together about 2 years. We began speaking right before he started uni, and we made it through freshers and his first year completely fine. However, he put zero work in at uni and had to appeal to be allowed to continue to second year. I hoped this might give him the wake up call required to knuckle down, because he's always claimed he wants to go into the police and his degree would really help with that. However, he stayed in halls for his second year, and has basically treated the whole year as 're-freshers' with his new friends. He's now facing being kicked out or resitting the year, and is undergoing appeal again. The problem is, he's done nothing for two years. His life has consisted of one 10 hour a week job which he lost after 8 weeks, drinking, and gaming. It's got to the point where he is almost impossible to speak to, because he does literally nothing.

    His mum has finally intervened and refused to sign next years accommodation contract until he has a concrete plan. When I agreed with this viewpoint, because nothing else has worked to get him motivated, he cancelled the date we had planned, went out with his friends, and I haven't heard from him since - this was three days ago

    Before people tell me it's his life and I'm being controlling, please understand that this is what I'm asking; do I just give up and tell him I can't be with someone with so little drive, or do I keep trying to support him? I'm about to sit my final A level exams and I don't want to be playing mother to a guy who is about to turn 20! I love him to bits but I can't pretend he makes me happy at the moment. Will he snap out of this and get his drive back, or am I hanging on for absolutely nothing?
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    You'd do better to dump him. He's current living in a very delusional state, soon enough he'll realize he's on the brink of messing up his life and hopefully get his ass back on track.
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    Agreed. Break it off, maybe he will see what he is doing (or in this case, not doing) and one day he might come back to you. If not, you are absolutely much better off without!
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    There's no point staying with him, he prefers to get drunk and gambel than study or listen to any advice that can help him and his future; if you stay with him, you could be dragged where he is or get emotionally or physically hurt. let him realize what he's doing is wrong and stupid, if you still care about him tell him that is not good where he is going, give him advice but don't mother him, is not your job.
    maybe he'll realize what he is doing is stupid and make things better and do something useful with his life.
    I hope this helps.
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    Thanks for the advice I'm going to wait for him to contact me and whenever he does, I'm going to suggest we either have a break or call it a day. We were supposed to be going away together after exams, but the long term is much more important and I don't see him making any real change whilst he has a compliant girlfriend and plentiful student finance
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    (Original post by Linds9)
    Thanks for the advice I'm going to wait for him to contact me and whenever he does, I'm going to suggest we either have a break or call it a day. We were supposed to be going away together after exams, but the long term is much more important and I don't see him making any real change whilst he has a compliant girlfriend and plentiful student finance
    You can't stay with someone like this, he is holding you back while he is wasting his life away. Get rid of him, you can do so much better than that.
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    so did he contact you then?
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    I contacted him and asked if we were breaking up, considering the way he'd been acting. He's been put on anti depressants and is looking for a job, so I've given him a six week ultimatum. That means any drama will happen after my exams and I can now focus more fully on those
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    No time for bull****ing. Your exam is near. You should very serious. Leave that *******. Let him do whatever he wants. If a 20 years old man dosenot understand his own good. How could you make him understand?
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    (Original post by Linds9)
    I contacted him and asked if we were breaking up, considering the way he'd been acting. He's been put on anti depressants and is looking for a job, so I've given him a six week ultimatum. That means any drama will happen after my exams and I can now focus more fully on those
    Oh you're smart More importantly what do YOU want? Do you want a breakup?
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    (Original post by RBme)
    Oh you're smart More importantly what do YOU want? Do you want a breakup?
    Not gonna lie, I just want peace! I really do love him and would be delighted if he got his act together, but I am fully aware that it's pretty unlikely. If he doesn't get a job he'll be moving home to Wirral anyway, and I told him a long time ago that I wouldn't do long distance again. It's turned into a bit of a self solver
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    (Original post by Linds9)
    Not gonna lie, I just want peace! I really do love him and would be delighted if he got his act together, but I am fully aware that it's pretty unlikely. If he doesn't get a job he'll be moving home to Wirral anyway, and I told him a long time ago that I wouldn't do long distance again. It's turned into a bit of a self solver
    You seem pretty positive despite the potential outcome, and you also seem rather mature with your approach (not being blinded by love, using your brain a bit to realise your future is more important than short-term happiness etc.), which is awesome, keep it up and you're set for life
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    (Original post by PhysicsGal)
    You seem pretty positive despite the potential outcome, and you also seem rather mature with your approach (not being blinded by love, using your brain a bit to realise your future is more important than short-term happiness etc.), which is awesome, keep it up and you're set for life
    Haha, thank you, I feel a bit heartless! But I've let my heart rule before and it's always turned out to be a fairly bad idea. Besides, there are bigger things out there to see than one tiny relationship the advice on here helped massively. Big love TSR! <3
 
 
 
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