I have been dating a girl for three months and I am worried that I have to break up with her because of a lack of trust. Before we started dating she had been involved with two men, but we got serious about each other very quickly and decided to be exclusive. One-week into our relationship she met up with one of these two men to break it off and she was drunk and supposedly he kissed her. She claimed this was prompted by him and would not have happened if we had been a little slower to formalize our relationship. It took some work but I was able to eventually get by this early break in trust. We really love each other However since then we have had a series of issues. She told me early on that she didnt believe in the value of fidelity as central to a relationship, but because she understood it was crucial to me and that she loved me she was willing to adopt it. This obviously made me worry, but I do believe she was genuine in her love for me. Two weeks ago I picked up her phone and flipped through her text messages with a man I was suspicious of and I found an exchange I thought was inappropriate. We had an argument where she rightly got very upset at me for violating her privacy. And I conceded that perhaps I overreacted. However, recently she told me that she has residual feelings for her ex-boyfriend. But she tells me I am the one she wants to be with. She tells me she loves me. She tells me the feelings are irrational. She says that the problem is that I am controlling and overbearing and that if I believed her I wouldnt worry. As you can imagine though all this has made me worry even more though and I am finding it hard to trust her. My question is, should I break off the relationship or stick it out and try to learn to trust that she does in fact want to be with me?
Should I trust her? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 13-05-2013 18:53
- 14-05-2013 01:21
You're the best judge of whether you think she is still serious about her other relationships based on what you have read in the message exchanges.
From what you've written, I'd be looking to break off the relationship. She clearly doesn't know what/who she wants and is confused. You're just being used.
Oh, and try and use paragraphs in the future! Makes your post easier to read.
- 14-05-2013 04:19
Get. Out. Now.
- 14-05-2013 04:25
I'd say stop. You may only get more hurt down the line if you carry on.
- 14-05-2013 07:42
I've been in your girlfriend's situation. He was a little paranoid and rightly so. Regardless on whether your girlfriend does anything with her ex, it's not healthy for her to have these feelings towards him. She has what I like to call the 'grass-is-greener' syndrome, which basically means she wants whatever she can't have. If she were to get with her ex, she'd feel gutted because they broke up for a reason, they don't make each other happy. But every relationship feels different and she misses how she felt with him (even if overall she feels better with you). You are not just there as a replacement of him, to make her feel exactly the same way as she did with her ex, but without whatever made them break up. You're a whole different person and she needs to understand that and have a relationship with you rather than a relationship with her feelings. Right now she's just going wherever her feelings tell her to go without thinking that she was not happy with her ex. She needs to break all contact with him, but that's her decision to make.
She's concentrating on her feelings rather than the bond between you and her, and she feels troubled. In response you could do the same, and think about your own feelings, she's not treating you right, (I strongly believe in how 'being treated right' is applicable to both males and females) and it's acceptable if you want to get out and find someone who has proper respect for you. If you can believe and accept that she's being immature, not treating you with respect, and you still like HER as a person rather than the good feelings associated with her, then stick with her and treat her how you'd like to be treated. Yes it might end badly, but whatever you chose to do you'll learn more about how to act appropriately in a relationship.
- 14-05-2013 08:39
Sounds like a ****, trying to control her natural ****gish nature.
- 14-05-2013 09:24
My alarm bells are ringing:
1. She can't handle fidelity
2. Contact with exes
3. Calling you irrational and controlling to make you sympathise with her.
I'd say it's best for your peace of mind to call it a day.
- 14-05-2013 10:11
Sounds like a bad egg to me.