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    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    I feel very lost/confused. I'm not suicidal just to make that clear but sometimes I just feel so sad, when I have things in life that most people don't; well off parents, I'm in university etc.. But I feel like the fact that I'm so quiet, ugly and shy just holds me back in life I'm 20 and I've never even worked - I went for an interview once, got rejected and it took me like 2 months to get over it. I failed my first year of a levels and whilst I did eventually get into a decent university after resitting a year, I just think about how much of failure I am. I barely have a social life due to my parents being super strict about me going out, I find it hard to make friends as people seem to just forget about me. I do have a 'fun/interesting' personality but I can't open up to anyone but my mum. Sometimes I go on Facebook and I look at all these pretty girls and just think about how I'm so unlovable and disgusting to look at. I just feel like I'll never be anything, who wants to be with or employ a ugly, fat, shy girl? no one.
    • #2


    Have you tried to join any societies, that will get you out and meeting people. There are a lot of people who are less judgemental than you think.
    Why do you think you're ugly? If it's because you're fat, try doing something about. You will be able to find someone who doesn't care, but if it's affecting you so badly, you should lose weight just to make yourself fell better

    Employers want people who can get the job done, so don't worry about that either. Just try your hardest, and things will work out

    Seeing as you are at university now and 20 years old you are an adult and very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes without your parents placing undue burdens on you. Have you tried putting across to them that whilst you understand they're trying to keep you safe/look out for you they're inadvertently causing you a lot of distress by eroding your self confidence through the lack of opportunities to socialise with others? I think being open about the whole situation to them might help to make them see sense.

    That aside I can assure you that you're definitely not alone when it comes to feeling that you're overly shy or quiet nor the doubts you have about your future and employment :nah: A lot of people go through it and it's definitely something which can be worked upon :yes: One negative habit I'd definitely recommend kicking straight away is the looking up others on facebook and comparing your life to theirs, no good can come from it. Habits like that can become insidious and slowly eat away at your confidence and sense of self worth.

    Have you ever thought about some self help resources? The Centre for Clinical Interventions have produced several online pdf workbooks to help with a variety of things from shyness and low self esteem to low mood and assertiveness. You can find them here: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm. Alternatively perhaps your university offers some sort of counselling service that may be of use to you and provide some reassurance?

    Wish you all the best
    • #3

    Hey listen,

    don't get your self down about this. Look at this, whatever does not kill you makes you stronger. So what if you repeated a year of a levels- you were still young and instead of giving up you gave it another shot which was definitely the right decision to make. Don't dwell on the past too much (good quote: it may cost nothing to visit the past but if you choose to live there you, the rent you pay is your future and that is just too high a price).

    With regards to losing weight just set yourself realistic targets. For example, if you're not used to exercise just start by doing 10-15 mins a day and then you will build up your tolerance.

    Facebook: don't go on it- oblivion is a bliss

    And with regards to finding a jobs just keep on applying, don't take it to heart if you get rejected; lots of people get rejected for jobs all the time. However, i would say concentrate on your degree more, just imagine how you would feel if you lost that?

    Stay strong and tc xx

    Here's a question. Why do you even care? You have one very very short life on Earth and you couldn't find a better way to waste it then to worry what people think about you. The very real fact is 99% of the population on this planet has something or other wrong with them or they don't like. You think you're a one off or something?

    I bet you my life the anon poster obove me has something about their life they wish they could change, something that holds them back a little. Everyone does.

    Just think f--k it and live your life.

    If it makes you feel any better, I've tried to finish University three times and messed up. It doesn't make you any less of a person. Pick yourself up and try again, life is too short to live in the past and focus on every little thing you feel you did wrong. There's always something you can do to make the future better.

    Don't be sad, life is frankly too short to be sad and that ******* called time doesn't wait for anyone.

    Man of Miracles by Howard Murphet- Read the book.

    Aw, you're being so hard on yourself. Try and be a little bit kinder.

    And don't feel bad for being down when you're in a privileged situation. It's not your fault that you feel that way, and beating yourself up about it won't make it any better.

    I used to be really really quiet and shy. I'm still pretty shy, but I'm a lot better. And that hasn't been a deliberate thing I've done. It's just happened. So, I'm pretty sure that it will just happen to you. As you experience more of life, you'll get more comfortable and confident. That said, you can also take matters into your own hands, and try and speed things up a bit. At the moment, I'm spending half an hour before I get out of bed working on myself. I'm doing things like answering questions about myself to get to know myself better, and working on becoming who I want to be. If you give some time to yourself, I'm sure you'll become more confident.

    I can totally relate to not getting over things like that. But, again, you get better with practice. A few weeks ago, I got a rejection from a job and it took me a few days to get over it. Now, I'm barely fazed if I see the word 'rejected'. Doesn't mean I'm getting the jobs but I'm at least feeling better about it! Also, why not try and do some volunteer work? Or join a uni society, and then put yourself forward to be on committee.

    Also, you're only 20. You have so much life left to become the way you want to be. You can't start out perfect; it's a process. You have lots of time to explore.

    It's really good that you recognise that you have a fun personality. I've literally only just accepted this about myself. I've been going around for 24 years thinking I was boring. If you know you're fun and interesting, you have a huge head start. Keep reminding yourself that you're interesting. Keep it in your head when you're scared to talk to people.

    Have you ever thought about what success means to you, not everyone else? What your ideal life would look like, and how you want to feel each day? I recently realised that, actually, to me, success means being happy, excited and calm. I don't actually really like socialising all the time so having lots of friends and being inundated with invitations is something I've always thought I needed to aim for but it doesn't make me happy. Maybe spend some time working out what would make you happy, and then start taking some tiny steps to get you there. Remember, it's a process.

    I am in the exact same situation as you, this is what I do and have done:
    1) Do things that increase my self esteem, e.g. public speaking, sports (even if im not good at it, i'll try and improve and give it my best - improves confidence)

    2) Make a list of all the things I like about myself (ask people for help on that too)

    3) Save up for plastic surgery - I don't want to be ugly anymore either

    4) Try to socialize

    5) I always tell myself this
    "It gets better before it gets worse"
    "work hard or don't work at all"
    your misery is always someone's pleasure"
    "focus on yourself"
    "don't give up"

    6) Get therapy

    Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect?

    It makes me happier when I consider this and put it into perspective.

    All of my actions not matter how small will make a difference. Compounded over time the interactions I make with the world around me will eventually create a vastly different future then a world where I never made those interactions.

    Plant a tree and over time it may grow into a forest and life will thrive. Never let your thoughts make you feel small or unimportant, as long as you have free will you can mould the future. Remember, man is both the sculptor and the clay. Listen to the advice of others and actively pursue happiness, not doubt.

    Never doubt your power over the future, live and love life.
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