I've found myself in quite an unusual situation and I'd like some advice about how to deal with it!
About a year and a half ago, I was romantically involved with a girl from university who, it turned out, was seeing somebody else at the same time. I found out about it by catching them together. When I caught her, we had a very short, awkward conversation, at the end of which I told her that I would see her around. She nodded, then I walked away, straight out of her life. We didn't have an argument, she didn't try to explain, I didn't say anything bad to her, I didn't even say goodbye. At the time, I felt like having a complete go at her about it, but as we were talking I decided that there really wasn't any point, it wouldn't change anything, so I just physically turned around and walked away. She made no attempts to contact me and one of her friends, who I am still friends with, hasn't mentioned her in front of me once since then. Somehow, I've managed not to bump into her in the street or see her at all, which made forgetting about her much easier in the beginning. If I saw her, I had planned to just be civil and polite, smile and say hello, but it hasn't happened.
All of that will change in a few weeks, because we've both got jobs, working at the university, over the summer. I received an e-mail today, which she received as well, confirming the teams that we'll be working in, with both of our names in the same team.
I'm just a little unsure how to approach things. Finding out about this seems to have brought back a lot of old feelings and anger about what happened. I'd easily be able to be nice to her in a one off situation, if I happened to see her, but I'm worried about how I might deal with having to see her all the time for three months. Any advice?
Seeing a person again, a long time after a strange parting of the ways Watch
- Thread Starter
- 14-05-2013 06:06
- Thread Starter
- 15-05-2013 07:02
Bump, as this took seventeen hours to be moderated...
- 15-05-2013 11:05
Any feelings you have for her should go when you think about the fact she did not even contact you after what had happened, the ball was in her court and the least she could have done was offered you an explanation, yes it wouldn't have changed anything but atleast it would have shown you she cared (I'm not saying she didn't care at all but I don't think she cared about you enough or as much as you cared about her!)
You seem like a mature person who is capable of acting civilised, just go about your own business remember you are there to work and not for her, she will be just a colleague and nothing more, you could try avoiding working in smaller groups with her but don't make it obvious that you are avoiding her so if you do end up in a group together just accept it and focus on the task in hand. Obviously you will need to talk to her to work together but don't mention what happened. (If she mentions it thats different, obviously you'll have to talk about it then, just remember to keep your cool and don't let the angry feelings take over) Showing her it hasn't impacted you as much as it actually has will make you look and feel stronger...just don't take it too far to the extreme of becoming arrogant and act like you never cared and that you're too good for her!
On the other hand, if after seeing her (for atleast like 3 weeks) you realise there are a lot of old feelings or unanswered questions still remaining, maybe you should confront her...but ONLY do this if you are 100% sure she is single...perhapse ask a co-worker to find out for you or that mutual friend you both have? Or anyone you trust won't tell.
But seriously in my opinion, it feels like she doesn't care about you the way you cared about her, so you could do better!...but like I said that's just my opinion, I know there's probably much more to the story i haven't heard
Hope that helped