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Love - Why is it so hard to believe someone loves you? Watch

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    Does anyone else find this? I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She's not the gushiest person (which I like) but she writes me gushy Xmas, Valentines, anniversary cards etc. she tells me she loves me when she heads home or we're going to be away for sometime.

    Yet I find it so hard to just *know* it. To believe it. I know she isn't lying but mannnnn. I subconsciously assume she feels for me like a friend would most of the time. Don't understand it.


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    (Original post by Eljamaispa)
    Does anyone else find this? I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She's not the gushiest person (which I like) but she writes me gushy Xmas, Valentines, anniversary cards etc. she tells me she loves me when she heads home or we're going to be away for sometime.

    Yet I find it so hard to just *know* it. To believe it. I know she isn't lying but mannnnn. I subconsciously assume she feels for me like a friend would most of the time. Don't understand it.


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    Have you been hurt in past relationships? This is usually one of the biggest causes for stuff like this
    After being lied to by people in past relationships I found it hard to believe my current man could care about me that much
    It shouldn't be a problem long term just take your time with her and soon you will realise how much she feels all by yourself and trust me, there's no feeling quite like it :')
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    Maybe you're reading/thinking too much in to it? Whilst one way of expressing love is through words i.e. "I love you", the validity of the statement isn't limited to just knowing that her love is directed towards you but just to feel it in time.
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    I thought this was just normal. It's hard to believe someone else loves you I think. You can't ever actually read their mind and be sure. Sometimes my own feelings of love seem so extreme and overwhelming, it's like if I wasn't experiencing them I wouldn't believe in them either! How can someone else feel that way about me?

    I've not had much problem philosophically accepting that, yes, it makes sense my boyfriend loves me or he wouldn't be around and he wouldn't do this, or say that etc. But honestly, it took me about 3 years of the relationship and probably more importantly a shift in my own way of thinking and perceiving myself to maybe being less guarded and prone to intellectualising everything - to actually really believe it in a way that sinks in. And I still sort of find it a bit unbelievable. It's like every now and then "wow he really does love me as much as I love him". It's kind of an amazing feeling.

    Also I think the more sure you feel of your love for them, the more sure you feel of their love for you. Sometimes I think you can project your own doubts and cynicism about your own feelings onto your partner.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought this was just normal. It's hard to believe someone else loves you I think. You can't ever actually read their mind and be sure. Sometimes my own feelings of love seem so extreme and overwhelming, it's like if I wasn't experiencing them I wouldn't believe in them either! How can someone else feel that way about me?

    I've not had much problem philosophically accepting that, yes, it makes sense my boyfriend loves me or he wouldn't be around and he wouldn't do this, or say that etc. But honestly, it took me about 3 years of the relationship and probably more importantly a shift in my own way of thinking and perceiving myself to maybe being less guarded and prone to intellectualising everything - to actually really believe it in a way that sinks in. And I still sort of find it a bit unbelievable. It's like every now and then "wow he really does love me as much as I love him". It's kind of an amazing feeling.

    Also I think the more sure you feel of your love for them, the more sure you feel of their love for you. Sometimes I think you can project your own doubts and cynicism about your own feelings onto your partner.
    How did your way of thinking shift?


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    (Original post by Eljamaispa)
    How did your way of thinking shift
    Well mm, that's a hard thing to pin down.

    I think you'd have to have a bit of context about me. I'm feeling pretty lame/attention seeking saying this .. but I really used to have, and to an extent still have the mindset that I am only superficially likeable and that the "real" me is not very likeable. I don't really know why! Isn't that a fear most people have? Anyway, this used to be a much bigger preoccupation of mine, I used to over-think that quite a lot and I was sort of unhappy but attached to being unhappy. I guess with time I learned to give myself a break and just moved away from that and sort of became happier and more optimistic. I'm not sure I know why or how I did.

    I think it's at least a bit to do with being in a good relationship though (as well as other random factors and relationships with other people). There's only so long you can be with someone who is consistently caring and loving and present before it becomes unavoidably obvious that they love you. You do just feel more secure with time. I just couldn't keep up feeling insecure that my boyfriend only liked a superficial me, although I'm not going to say I never, ever worry - just much less.

    The thing is, if you feel happier in yourself it's easier to believe you are loved, if you believe you are loved it's easier to feel happier in yourself. So they go hand in hand quite quickly.
 
 
 
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