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    My dad has always governed my life as far as I can recollect. Which is funny coz I don't have any memories with him growing up. All I know is that he wanted a son that could meet all the ambitions he had planned. Mum didn't want another kid coz she didn't want another kid to compromise her career, one was enough work. Well, then there was me.
    I was brought up like a boy practicing karate and archery and horse-riding, shooting, etc (army background and disciplined through army school), never played with dolls, got beat up like a dude till I was 18.

    Anyway, I've been listening to my dad's every whim and fancy. He wanted me to be an engineer and I was always inclined towards art, but I did it for four years before begging him to let me do what I wanted.
    This has been going on for the past 21 years.

    On my 18th birthday, my dad told me wanted me to get married to my mum's cousin son and that was weird for me coz we really took each other as well, cousins. I always looked at him as an older brother. After going on and on about it for 2 years, he arranged a meeting with my uncle (mum's cousin) and his son who had just flown down from NZ.

    Now, I knew this guy was into drugs and alcohol, the works. I tried talking to my mum about this and she said she'd talk to the guy. He was very reluctant at first, then after meeting me and chatting a bit with me, he went up to my dad and told him that he wanted to get married to me. Mum didn't say anything coz she hadn't seen dad 'this happy since the time he married his sister off.' He smiled at me like he hadn't in 20 years and I thought, probably I'm doing the right thing after all.

    When mum spoke to this guy, (let's call him B) he promised his habits were in the past and there was no way for me to get out without upsetting the whole family. (The family includes my mum's siblings and cousins who are pretty close and they were exhilarated after they heard the 'news') Plus I felt guilty about disappointing my parents, particularly my dad who promised that he'd be proud of me if I went through with this and it was 'all for my good'

    Anyway, we got married in the court a day before B flew out to NZ for his job again. We kept in touch through whatsapp, but I knew there was something off about him. Six months later, he called me up crying and said he thought people were trying to kill him. I tried to calm him down but to no avail. I guessed it just job stress but it was the drugs talking, they were making him hallucinate like crazy. After two months of hell, I decided to go to his father (my uncle) and tell him. When I did, B was called back home. The B we had said bye to 8 months ago was gone; the one on the airport was a zombie. I feel bad saying this but that's how he looked and it scared me. He was put on anti-psychotics. He talked **** with me; accusing me of not being in love with him and sleeping with someone else, etc. I paid no heed coz his allegations or he meant nothing to me. Then one day, he said he'd been *****ng his ex who he'd broken up with before he got married to me. Apparently, it was "no big deal coz it was just physical" and that he thought he was deeply in love with me. Even after hearing these words from his mouth, I felt nothing. It just confirmed my belief that I had absolutely no feelings for the guy I had married, even after months of trying.
    I had lost my patience and I finally told my parents and other family members about this. It was an uproar but finally my parents were on my side. The rest weren't coz my uncle tricked them into thinking that his son was the 'victim' here. I found myself not caring. I was just relieved I was getting out of this mess, that I got myself into in the first place.
    Now the divorce thing is getting messy. Though we've filed a 'Mutual Consent', B is not making it easy for me. I'm supposed to get a divorce in October, but I'm supposed to leave the country in September for my Masters. B's going out of the way to make sure he leaves the country before I do (he has been here since his dad called him back) so that the court doesn't let me leave easily as at least one party has to be present for the hearing. If I want to, I have to pay an exorbitant sum (nearly $5000) just to produce an affidavit and seek permission to leave. The current lawyer is from his side of the family too, which means I can't just rely on one source. So, I'm seeking more legal advice about the same without getting anyone in trouble coz I don't want to stoop down to the same level as him or let him know that he's getting to me.
    I curse myself for not having 'grown some balls' despite my upbringing and standing up to my dad. That is the reason I'll get labelled a divorcee which is considered taboo where I come from. But I do realize, I can't live in the past and want to get this done as soon as possible.
    At the same time I can't help but wonder if my relationships in the future will be affected coz I was being an immature fool. Guys will be running from thinking, 'oh, she's got too much baggage' and that depresses me. It just seems to difficult at this point where I don't know what to do next.
    I haven't shared this with anyone in the past but today I just felt like getting this off of my shoulders.

    (excuse me for the poor grammar, I've just tried to arrange my frustration the best I could at this point)
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    That sounds like you have had a really really tough time. At least you can be in the know that it will all be over and you can move on with the next step in your life.

    You should try not to care what other people think of your now "divorcee" reputation as they do not know the whole story and if they did, I would like to hope they would be a little more forgiving.
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    Thanks for the kind words sj95. I've really needed to hear some. Thank you.
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    Surely being a drug addled adulterer is also taboo where you come from?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My dad has always governed my life as far as I can recollect. Which is funny coz I don't have any memories with him growing up. All I know is that he wanted a son that could meet all the ambitions he had planned. Mum didn't want another kid coz she didn't want another kid to compromise her career, one was enough work. Well, then there was me.
    I was brought up like a boy practicing karate and archery and horse-riding, shooting, etc (army background and disciplined through army school), never played with dolls, got beat up like a dude till I was 18.

    Anyway, I've been listening to my dad's every whim and fancy. He wanted me to be an engineer and I was always inclined towards art, but I did it for four years before begging him to let me do what I wanted.
    This has been going on for the past 21 years.

    On my 18th birthday, my dad told me wanted me to get married to my mum's cousin son and that was weird for me coz we really took each other as well, cousins. I always looked at him as an older brother. After going on and on about it for 2 years, he arranged a meeting with my uncle (mum's cousin) and his son who had just flown down from NZ.

    Now, I knew this guy was into drugs and alcohol, the works. I tried talking to my mum about this and she said she'd talk to the guy. He was very reluctant at first, then after meeting me and chatting a bit with me, he went up to my dad and told him that he wanted to get married to me. Mum didn't say anything coz she hadn't seen dad 'this happy since the time he married his sister off.' He smiled at me like he hadn't in 20 years and I thought, probably I'm doing the right thing after all.

    When mum spoke to this guy, (let's call him B) he promised his habits were in the past and there was no way for me to get out without upsetting the whole family. (The family includes my mum's siblings and cousins who are pretty close and they were exhilarated after they heard the 'news') Plus I felt guilty about disappointing my parents, particularly my dad who promised that he'd be proud of me if I went through with this and it was 'all for my good'

    Anyway, we got married in the court a day before B flew out to NZ for his job again. We kept in touch through whatsapp, but I knew there was something off about him. Six months later, he called me up crying and said he thought people were trying to kill him. I tried to calm him down but to no avail. I guessed it just job stress but it was the drugs talking, they were making him hallucinate like crazy. After two months of hell, I decided to go to his father (my uncle) and tell him. When I did, B was called back home. The B we had said bye to 8 months ago was gone; the one on the airport was a zombie. I feel bad saying this but that's how he looked and it scared me. He was put on anti-psychotics. He talked **** with me; accusing me of not being in love with him and sleeping with someone else, etc. I paid no heed coz his allegations or he meant nothing to me. Then one day, he said he'd been *****ng his ex who he'd broken up with before he got married to me. Apparently, it was "no big deal coz it was just physical" and that he thought he was deeply in love with me. Even after hearing these words from his mouth, I felt nothing. It just confirmed my belief that I had absolutely no feelings for the guy I had married, even after months of trying.
    I had lost my patience and I finally told my parents and other family members about this. It was an uproar but finally my parents were on my side. The rest weren't coz my uncle tricked them into thinking that his son was the 'victim' here. I found myself not caring. I was just relieved I was getting out of this mess, that I got myself into in the first place.
    Now the divorce thing is getting messy. Though we've filed a 'Mutual Consent', B is not making it easy for me. I'm supposed to get a divorce in October, but I'm supposed to leave the country in September for my Masters. B's going out of the way to make sure he leaves the country before I do (he has been here since his dad called him back) so that the court doesn't let me leave easily as at least one party has to be present for the hearing. If I want to, I have to pay an exorbitant sum (nearly $5000) just to produce an affidavit and seek permission to leave. The current lawyer is from his side of the family too, which means I can't just rely on one source. So, I'm seeking more legal advice about the same without getting anyone in trouble coz I don't want to stoop down to the same level as him or let him know that he's getting to me.
    I curse myself for not having 'grown some balls' despite my upbringing and standing up to my dad. That is the reason I'll get labelled a divorcee which is considered taboo where I come from. But I do realize, I can't live in the past and want to get this done as soon as possible.
    At the same time I can't help but wonder if my relationships in the future will be affected coz I was being an immature fool. Guys will be running from thinking, 'oh, she's got too much baggage' and that depresses me. It just seems to difficult at this point where I don't know what to do next.
    I haven't shared this with anyone in the past but today I just felt like getting this off of my shoulders.

    (excuse me for the poor grammar, I've just tried to arrange my frustration the best I could at this point)
    Are you Asian (Indian/Pakistani/Bengali) by any chance??
    And unfortunately this happens a lot now a days :/. Peoples lives get ruined due to there parents not using there common sense .
    I feel for you
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    (Original post by Nick100)
    Surely being a drug addled adulterer is also taboo where you come from?
    I agree it is; except he lives in NZ and they really don't give a damn there. Also, in what position am I to judge how one lives their life...

    (Original post by bahjat93)
    Are you Asian (Indian/Pakistani/Bengali) by any chance??
    And unfortunately this happens a lot now a days :/. Peoples lives get ruined due to there parents not using there common sense .
    I feel for you
    Thank you. You guessed right. And I'm sorry but at this time, I feel really angry for being born in this part of the world.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)


    Thank you. You guessed right. And I'm sorry but at this time, I feel really angry for being born in this part of the world.
    If you don't mind me asking are you Pakistani??
    If you are then Islam allows divorce. Why don't you just get re-married??
    My parents are divorced and i didn't face any sort of questions on why my parents got divorced
 
 
 
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