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Leading a double life is starting to become really emotionally draining! Watch

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    Hi guys

    I'm a uni graduate looking for work and to make a long story short, am also working temporarily as a "prostitute light" (as in I don't offer full service, only massing with hand relief, sometimes Spanish depending - not that it matters :p: ) - don't worry, I'm a happy one I've been bullied for most of my life and have been a victim of sexual and psychological abuse for most of my adult life, so am currently living it up for once and enjoying my life I work in a very nice place so it's all good.

    Anyway the thing that has been bothering me the most is that I've been doing this for almost a year now, and while the money has been great - paid off my degrees and car outright, nice holidays etc - I'm getting over the lying! It's really frustrating. Because I've got in the habit of lying, I find I sometimes overdo to the point where I've been caught out a few times (e.g. saying I was going to a certain club, and the ex-boyfriend going there but not actually seeing me there and confronting me about lying etc. He was controlling tho so I'm glad that's over:rolleyes: ). But even with girl friends. I hate lying to them cos when they ask questions it gets more obvious.

    I'm trying to save up enough funds so that I can altogether quit and focus on something else to do part-time outside work hours, probably tutoring.

    I feel like such a crap person with all the lying I'm doing, but I know I'm a good person deep down. What are some strategies you'd recommend to help me? E.g. Maybe starting to be brave and tell ppl to mind their own business?

    Thanks xx
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    Lol and for those who are gonna say something like 'what will your family think', if you knew how dysfunctional mine was and that I had to be completely independent since the age of 18 (although back then I did normal unsexual jobs haha like work in a newsagency etc. I didn't enter the adult industry till I was 25), plus that I'm approaching 30 anyway and have a Masters degree, then I'm sure you'd think twice about judging me (:
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    Don't tell people where you're going.
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    Also the sexual and psychological abuse was pretty bad, and involved very intimate photographs of me in unflattering positions being sent to both my divorced parents and their new partners (luckily my dad and his gf thought it was spam. :eek: ), siblings, boss at work - I was fired the next day - close friends, a nice guy I was dating etc., plus the murder of my beloved cat Roxy VERY... malicious ex He spent time in police custody for what he did, but did I get any monetary compensation for it all?

    Absolutely NOT

    Hence I thoroughly believe I deserve to live it up now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys

    I'm a uni graduate looking for work and to make a long story short, am also working temporarily as a "prostitute light" (as in I don't offer full service, only massing with hand relief, sometimes Spanish depending - not that it matters :p: ) - don't worry, I'm a happy one I've been bullied for most of my life and have been a victim of sexual and psychological abuse for most of my adult life, so am currently living it up for once and enjoying my life I work in a very nice place so it's all good.

    Anyway the thing that has been bothering me the most is that I've been doing this for almost a year now, and while the money has been great - paid off my degrees and car outright, nice holidays etc - I'm getting over the lying! It's really frustrating. Because I've got in the habit of lying, I find I sometimes overdo to the point where I've been caught out a few times (e.g. saying I was going to a certain club, and the ex-boyfriend going there but not actually seeing me there and confronting me about lying etc. He was controlling tho so I'm glad that's over:rolleyes: ). But even with girl friends. I hate lying to them cos when they ask questions it gets more obvious.

    I'm trying to save up enough funds so that I can altogether quit and focus on something else to do part-time outside work hours, probably tutoring.

    I feel like such a crap person with all the lying I'm doing, but I know I'm a good person deep down. What are some strategies you'd recommend to help me? E.g. Maybe starting to be brave and tell ppl to mind their own business?

    Thanks xx
    I don't really go down to my local prostitution lane so i'm not really up to date with the vocabulary that they use :/.
    So are you a full on prostitute?? or do you just give hand jobs??
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    (Original post by No No)
    Don't tell people where you're going.
    I know, but people ask though, especially my nosy housemate!

    I've come up with a few plans to talk to her though, which includes ringing her from my car (I just pretend I'm out clubbing, can't hear anything in clubs :p: )
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    (Original post by bahjat93)
    I don't really go down to my local prostitution lane so i'm not really up to date with the vocabulary that they use :/.
    So are you a full on prostitute?? or do you just give hand jobs??
    Nah, not a full service pro I waited till I was 21 and in a relationship to lose my virginity and have only had 6 sexual partners OUTSIDE this industry, hence why I can't do the full service :o: It's a personal thing. Also I think full service is very unsafe imo.

    I give nude erotic massages with hand, breast or mouth relief x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nah, not a full service pro I waited till I was 21 and in a relationship to lose my virginity and have only had 6 sexual partners OUTSIDE this industry, hence why I can't do the full service :o: It's a personal thing. Also I think full service is very unsafe imo.

    I give nude erotic massages with hand, breast or mouth relief x
    So your a prostitute but don't let your customers enter your vagina??
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    (Original post by bahjat93)
    So your a prostitute but don't let your customers enter your vagina??
    Pretty much I'm not a full-service girl, that way I can still retain a bit of dignity. Not that anyone sees you but again, it's a personal thing and this is the way I prefer it.

    I don't make as much as some of the other girls that do full service, but I'm still well-paid (make as much as a highly paid stripper) and am a lot healthier than them! To this day, have had nothing scary happen to me and am totally healthy + STD free. E.g. On the rare occasion I give blowjobs, I actually make the client wear a condom, it's mostly handjobs I give. Big deal x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Pretty much I'm not a full-service girl, that way I can still retain a bit of dignity. Not that anyone sees you but again, it's a personal thing and this is the way I prefer it.

    I don't make as much as some of the other girls that do full service, but I'm still well-paid (make as much as a highly paid stripper) and am a lot healthier than them! To this day, have had nothing scary happen to me and am totally healthy + STD free. E.g. On the rare occasion I give blowjobs, I actually make the client wear a condom, it's mostly handjobs I give. Big deal x
    Ty for clearing that up . If i ever do decide to go to Amsterdam i will now know what a non full-service girl does
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    Just because people ask doesn't mean you have to tell them.
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    (Original post by bahjat93)
    Ty for clearing that up . If i ever do decide to go to Amsterdam i will now know what a non full-service girl does
    For the most part, not all of them offer Spanish I'm just lucky to have a naturally large bust on a small frame (size 10, bra cup E).

    Off topic: have always wanted to visit Amsterdam :cool:

    And NoNo you're completely right, I need to be more assertive! So hard tho with nosy and controlling ppl around me E.g. the last guy I dated called me highly abusive names I will not write on here, just because I didn't reply to him during a nightshift I had at the massage parlour a few months ago.

    And you wanna hear a bombshell?

    He didn't even know what I was actually doing! LOL

    But he was still wrong about the things he was calling me. I'm actually not a very sexual person outside of this industry (which is what he was trying to get at).

    *sigh*. I have horrific taste in men :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also the sexual and psychological abuse was pretty bad, and involved very intimate photographs of me in unflattering positions being sent to both my divorced parents and their new partners (luckily my dad and his gf thought it was spam. :eek: ), siblings, boss at work - I was fired the next day - close friends, a nice guy I was dating etc., plus the murder of my beloved cat Roxy VERY... malicious ex He spent time in police custody for what he did, but did I get any monetary compensation for it all?

    Absolutely NOT

    Hence I thoroughly believe I deserve to live it up now.
    :console: So sorry to hear about everything you've been through!

    To answer your question OP - if anyone asks, you can say you're going out to see friends / out shopping / or maybe say you've found a tutoring job :dontknow: Tutoring can have quite erratic hours so it might be quite a good explanation for where you're going.
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    Don't worry OP, from the post and comments you sound to me like a really nice person, to me it doesn't seem you need to dig much at all to find the good person The lying is how you're protecting yourself, perhaps subconsciously - doesn't sound like you've had a brilliant time with people you're meant to trust

    Are you happy with the friends you have now? It sounds like you dont feel you can be open with people you hang out with...
    Maybe try and hang out with people you feel you can be more open with, who you'd be able to tell about your work if you feel you want to and if not, maybe you should work on changing the subject of conversations should the topic come up? That way you wouldn't be lying, but you wouldn't have to say... maybe if they ask about work, you could act like it reminded you of something and go off on one talking about that?

    PM me if you want to talk about it
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    (Original post by emilie18)
    :console: So sorry to hear about everything you've been through!

    To answer your question OP - if anyone asks, you can say you're going out to see friends / out shopping / or maybe say you've found a tutoring job :dontknow: Tutoring can have quite erratic hours so it might be quite a good explanation for where you're going.
    Thanks it was really awful and I had to get counselling for it, which was expensive. Worst part was finding Roxy dead on the pavement after having been thrown off a tall building My friend said it looked like my cat, and let me tell you it was horrific the moment I found out that it was

    Thanks for the post xx
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    (Original post by Crimmy)
    Don't worry OP, from the post and comments you sound to me like a really nice person, to me it doesn't seem you need to dig much at all to find the good person The lying is how you're protecting yourself, perhaps subconsciously - doesn't sound like you've had a brilliant time with people you're meant to trust

    Are you happy with the friends you have now? It sounds like you dont feel you can be open with people you hang out with...
    Maybe try and hang out with people you feel you can be more open with, who you'd be able to tell about your work if you feel you want to and if not, maybe you should work on changing the subject of conversations should the topic come up? That way you wouldn't be lying, but you wouldn't have to say... maybe if they ask about work, you could act like it reminded you of something and go off on one talking about that?

    PM me if you want to talk about it
    Thank you! I was initially worried about public perception on here, cos I know that what I do is technically prostitution and it IS looked down on (just as much by women as men).

    I really wanna make friends with people who will be understanding about what I'm doing. I have a few friends already who I'd love to tell, but not sure how to go about it. They already know I've done nude photos for magazines (which is what the evil ex used against me when I broke up with him).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you! I was initially worried about public perception on here, cos I know that what I do is technically prostitution and it IS looked down on (just as much by women as men).

    I really wanna make friends with people who will be understanding about what I'm doing. I have a few friends already who I'd love to tell, but not sure how to go about it. They already know I've done nude photos for magazines (which is what the evil ex used against me when I broke up with him).
    yes, technically it is, but you only half do it really... and strangely you sound quite chaste with yourself :P

    Do you actually want to tell them to get it off your chest, or is it just you wouldn't mind telling the truth if they asked? and how long have you known them for? x
 
 
 
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