Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Does "the one" exist or is it just "the best one at that time" ?

    Plus, how do you know someone is the one?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    7 billion people and you only click with one of them? And you actually expect to ever find them?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Ask any friendzoned guy who is "the one", they will answer immediately.
    • #2
    #2

    I think it's idealistic of anyone to believe in "The One" we've all watched romantic films and read those books that make you believe. But once you get down to it, it's all make-believe. You may think you've found the one and it may feel like you have, but what if something better comes along? No one can predict the future.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    There is no "one" but that isn't to say you can't find someone you are compatible enough with that you would never feel the need to leave them for another
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Yeah, because the idea of the "one" makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I don't think the term is used in the way the OP refers to. I think it's just a way of saying "The one for me, the one I want to settle down with" etc, not that there's one person out there especially for you.


    So for example:

    "I really think she's the one for me man"

    not:

    "The one is out there somewhere"
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    If there is only one person on this earth that you can build a connection with then you are probably a sociopath.

    You know if you can develop a long lasting relationship with someone or not by trying and seeing what happens.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I think everyone has a different definition of "the one" - given all the influences that surround us its not surprising.

    I'm a big believer in fate - so I do think there is that "someone" for everyone. But having said that, its not all about fate and whats meant to be will be - you need to be able to make it work, make it last through thick and thin.

    Its only when you've grown old together and you're sitting watching your grandchildren, you can say "I found the one".
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DeepStar)
    I think everyone has a different definition of "the one" - given all the influences that surround us its not surprising.

    I'm a big believer in fate - so I do think there is that "someone" for everyone. But having said that, its not all about fate and whats meant to be will be - you need to be able to make it work, make it last through thick and thin.

    Its only when you've grown old together and you're sitting watching your grandchildren, you can say "I found the one".
    What is 'fate'? What reason do you have to 'believe in' it?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    I do believe in "the one", but I think there are many options out there that are quite worthy. Some people never find that person and end up married to someone else, but are still happy. I don't know if people realise when they've found "the one" though - they could either be mistaken, or they could be entirely unaware.

    Yes, there are 7 billion people in the world, but isn't it most likely that "the one" has something in common with you, such as language, location, or culture? That narrows down the field quite a bit. I find it hard to believe that "the one" for me doesn't speak English or French, doesn't live in Canada or the UK, or doesn't have a similar lifestyle to me. It would be extremely difficult to connect with someone who, for example, spoke their native tongue in a place I've never been, and grew up in a culture that I don't understand. Sure, we could grow to be friends if the language barrier went away, but there isn't anything there that is substantial enough to carry out that ideal relationship.

    Yes, I believe in "the one". Have I found him? Maybe. But even if there is someone else out there, I know that the man I'm with right now is a phenomenal match and we will be very happy together for the rest of our lives.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Saying that there is a "one" is suggesting that you life was planned even before you were born. i.e our life is like a game of the Sims played by god. If people believe in the 'one' then they must believe in god or the Sims or something like that
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    To me, that just doesn't make any sense. I think there are lots of people you could click with, and it's a matter of circumstance and what each person wants.

    But you have to decide for yourself what you believe.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Birkenhead)
    What is 'fate'? What reason do you have to 'believe in' it?
    For me, fate is the belief that everything that happens is not random, there is some proportion fixed in a particular manner. The reason I believe in this is because the opposite argument i.e. that everything is random, all down to our own actions and set by us isn't convincing enough for me.

    I'm not saying that this is right. I just think it is an individual preference gained through knowledge and experience.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DeepStar)
    For me, fate is the belief that everything that happens is not random, there is some proportion fixed in a particular manner. The reason I believe in this is because the opposite argument i.e. that everything is random, all down to our own actions and set by us isn't convincing enough for me.

    I'm not saying that this is right. I just think it is an individual preference gained through knowledge and experience.
    What do you mean 'everything that happens is not random'? Of course this is true up to a point; if I punch a wall, there is going to be an effect on my hand of pain and possibly damage to the wall. Of course not everything that happens is random, but that isn't to say that everything that happens is not random. What sort of things are you referring to? What the hell does 'proportion fixed in a particular manner' actually mean?

    What reason do you actually have for believing that everything happens for a reason and many things aren't just complete random? It's not a dichotomy between everything in the universe either happening because of humanity or at random, there is obviously a mix, since we have no control over wider space and much inside Earth.

    What is the reason for a parasitic worm boring through a Somalian child's eye ball as we type? Or the horrendous mass-rapes of babies that have been occurring recently in Congo? Seems like a romantic way of thinking about your own existence while ignoring all the awful stuff the world is packed with.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Birkenhead)
    What do you mean 'everything that happens is not random'? Of course this is true up to a point; if I punch a wall, there is going to be an effect on my hand of pain and possibly damage to the wall. Of course not everything that happens is random, but that isn't to say that everything that happens is not random. What sort of things are you referring to? What the hell does 'proportion fixed in a particular manner' actually mean?

    What reason do you actually have for believing that everything happens for a reason and many things aren't just complete random?

    What is the reason for a parasitic worm boring through a Somalian child's eye ball as we type? Or the horrendous mass-rapes of babies that have been occurring recently in Congo? Seems like a romantic way of thinking about your own existence while ignoring all the awful stuff the world is packed with.
    Ok, I'll rephrase - whilst many things may be random, I think the notion of '"the one" has a strong element of fate. For example, Robert Ringer's Better Deal Theory states that no matter who you are with there is always somebody out there who could be better for you. I think logically that is sound for comfort. But then you can always be out on the hunt for this better deal and before you know, life has just past you by. Maybe it is for comfort that I think that the person I grow old with was meant for me rather than it was the coming together of pure chance decisions or whatever. I think psychology of love is deterministic and therefore cannot be applied.

    My reason for believing in fate is related to my belief of creation - whilst I don't believe in God taught by religion as we know, I do believe we were created; by something. I'm not sure what the stories you have linked prove regarding the point in this thread because that is more of an argument against God and Religion. Our existence is not all pretty, but I do not think that the notion of "the one" is any less true because of all the events that occur across the world. That is perhaps more related to the balance of good and bad.

    Generally though, I think the belief or not in "the one" comes from our definitions. Some people may believe the matters of the hearts and emotion will guide them right whilst others understand that no one is perfect, no one is flawless and that in time we learn to manage with someone who sees our flaws just as well as we see theirs; "the real one".
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DeepStar)
    Ok, I'll rephrase - whilst many things may be random, I think the notion of '"the one" has a strong element of fate. For example, Robert Ringer's Better Deal Theory states that no matter who you are with there is always somebody out there who could be better for you. I think logically that is sound for comfort.
    How is that supportive of 'fate'? That seems to be suggesting that 'fate' doesn't bring two destined people together; two compatible people just happen to meet. This seems to be totally contradicting the idea that 'there is that "someone" for everyone' as you said earlier.

    But then you can always be out on the hunt for this better deal and before you know, life has just past you by. Maybe it is for comfort that I think that the person I grow old with was meant for me rather than it was the coming together of pure chance decisions or whatever. I think psychology of love is deterministic and therefore cannot be applied.
    So, essentially you're deluding yourself into believing that your partner will be the 'one', 'for comfort'? That's not really worthy of mentioning in an argument.

    My reason for believing in fate is related to my belief of creation - whilst I don't believe in God taught by religion as we know, I do believe we were created; by something. I'm not sure what the stories you have linked prove regarding the point in this thread because that is more of an argument against God and Religion.
    No, it's not. Since you had stated that everything happens for a reason, I was asking what the reasons were for some of the horrific and totally unconstructive things that happen in the world. That doesn't necessarily relate to God(s). What the stories prove is that this belief in everything happening for a reason is romantic and only considers the good stuff, unless you think there are credible reasons for a worm boring through a child's eyeball or for babies being raped.

    I'm not even going to ask about creationism.

    Our existence is not all pretty, but I do not think that the notion of "the one" is any less true because of all the events that occur across the world. That is perhaps more related to the balance of good and bad.
    It is less true when you're basing it on a belief in fate and that everything happens for a reason but then can't explain the rationale behind baby rape.

    Generally though, I think the belief or not in "the one" comes from our definitions. Some people may believe the matters of the hearts and emotion will guide them right whilst others understand that no one is perfect, no one is flawless and that in time we learn to manage with someone who sees our flaws just as well as we see theirs; "the real one".
    Yes, people have different ways of thinking. I was trying to work out what exactly you meant by 'fate', what reason you have for thinking that there is one person in the world for everyone and how you explain the statistical likelihood of everyone currently in a happy relationship having happened to meet their 'one' out of the 3.5bn / 7bn others they may have been interested in on earth.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Birkenhead)
    How is that supportive of 'fate'? That seems to be suggesting that 'fate' doesn't bring two destined people together; two compatible people just happen to meet. This seems to be totally contradicting the idea that 'there is that "someone" for everyone' as you said earlier.

    So, essentially you're deluding yourself into believing that your partner will be the 'one', 'for comfort'? That's not really worthy of mentioning in an argument.

    No, it's not. Since you had stated that everything happens for a reason, I was asking what the reasons were for some of the horrific and totally unconstructive things that happen in the world. That doesn't necessarily relate to God(s). What the stories prove is that this belief in everything happening for a reason is romantic and only considers the good stuff, unless you think there are credible reasons for a worm boring through a child's eyeball or for babies being raped.

    I'm not even going to ask about creationism.

    It is less true when you're basing it on a belief in fate and that everything happens for a reason but then can't explain the rationale behind baby rape.

    Yes, people have different ways of thinking. I was trying to work out what exactly you meant by 'fate', what reason you have for thinking that there is one person in the world for everyone and how you explain the statistical likelihood of everyone currently in a happy relationship having happened to meet their 'one' out of the 3.5bn / 7bn others they may have been interested in on earth.
    Deluded? No. Hopeful? Maybe. But I don't think thats a bad thing. I'm fully behind every decision I make - whether it turns out to be a good one or a bad one regarding my partner. If its good, I'll live to cherish it. If its bad, I'll learn from it and move on. I'm hardly saying that you fall in true love once and for that you need to do trial runs before you settle with your other half. I'm saying that when you have met that someone and have grown old together, only then might you be able to say that they were "the one". How else do you explain spending your entire life with one person when there are billions of other potential partners?

    But "just happen to meet" is disturbingly vague. Is that satisfactory reason for you to give when asked about meeting your partner? People might meet randomly or fate might intervene to make it happen - there is no way or verifying or falsifying it. What I might call "meant to be", you might label "it just happened" - neither can be proved so its just a matter of individuality.

    I do believe everything happens for a reason - the good and the bad. Its not so much a romantic view, its just about the balance of life. The only way we learn to know the difference is by experiencing, knowing and learning about both. That doesn't mean to say I agree with or would approve of the horrific things that happen. But I do think, there is always a bigger picture - we might only see or understand half of it but who knows how far the ripples of those events have gone and what they have created or what purpose they have served. We simply cannot know.

    Why does there have to be a rationale behind fate? By definition, a belief doesn't necessarily require weight to be verified or falsified. Its just something you either believe in or you don't. Its not a concept that is made to convince others. Understandably though, it is human nature to want reason, cause and effect etc. Sometimes there is more to life than what meets the eye - more than statistics, more than what logic dictates and certainly more than anything we could find proof for.

    Maybe it goes beyond anything I can say to you to enable you to understand why I believe in fate. I do think if you met someone who did and spent time with them, just maybe it might give you a clearer explanation of this belief.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DeepStar)
    Deluded? No. Hopeful? Maybe. But I don't think thats a bad thing. I'm fully behind every decision I make - whether it turns out to be a good one or a bad one regarding my partner. If its good, I'll live to cherish it. If its bad, I'll learn from it and move on. I'm hardly saying that you fall in true love once and for that you need to do trial runs before you settle with your other half. I'm saying that when you have met that someone and have grown old together, only then might you be able to say that they were "the one". How else do you explain spending your entire life with one person when there are billions of other potential partners?
    Because you're compatible with that person. That isn't to say you couldn't be compatible with thousands, tens of thousands of these other billions and live to the same ripe old age with.

    But "just happen to meet" is disturbingly vague. Is that satisfactory reason for you to give when asked about meeting your partner? People might meet randomly or fate might intervene to make it happen - there is no way or verifying or falsifying it. What I might call "meant to be", you might label "it just happened" - neither can be proved so its just a matter of individuality.
    There is reason to believing meetings to happen by chance. People meet people in the world. 99% of the time we don't care about people we meet, certainly wouldn't want a relationship with them. Every now and then, though, we meet someone we find attractive and come to be compatible with. There are lots of people in the world we could be compatible with: it makes sense that, every now and then, we should meet one. Every now and then, these meetings themselves develop into loving relationships. That's chance. Complete and utter randomness, and it makes sense. There's absolutely no reason to believe that some nebulous, vague force called 'fate' intervened to set up the meeting.

    I do believe everything happens for a reason - the good and the bad. Its not so much a romantic view, its just about the balance of life.
    This doesn't mean anything. It's a cosy phrase which is unexplained.

    The only way we learn to know the difference is by experiencing, knowing and learning about both. That doesn't mean to say I agree with or would approve of the horrific things that happen. But I do think, there is always a bigger picture - we might only see or understand half of it but who knows how far the ripples of those events have gone and what they have created or what purpose they have served.
    Are you seriously suggesting that there could be a justifiable 'purpose' served by thousands of innocents having their eyeballs ploughed through by worms or, worse, by babies - x month old babies - being raped to death? I think that's pretty offensive.

    You're right to correct me about this not being a romantic belief. If you seriously think that there are good reasons for these horrific occurrences in the world it is better described as nightmarish.

    We simply cannot know.
    Which is precisely why actively believing in this sort of stuff is so silly.

    Why does there have to be a rationale behind fate? By definition, a belief doesn't necessarily require weight to be verified or falsified. Its just something you either believe in or you don't. Its not a concept that is made to convince others. Understandably though, it is human nature to want reason, cause and effect etc. Sometimes there is more to life than what meets the eye - more than statistics, more than what logic dictates and certainly more than anything we could find proof for.
    If you don't have any reason to believe this nonsense, then by definition it is an irrational belief. I would be ashamed to live my life under the cover of irrationality, which is why I would want a rationale before accepting this or any other belief system. Statistics, logic and proof are ways of rationally understanding the world. There is far more substance in them than this rhetoric. I get the feeling you don't even really understand what 'fate' is.

    Maybe it goes beyond anything I can say to you to enable you to understand why I believe in fate. I do think if you met someone who did and spent time with them, just maybe it might give you a clearer explanation of this belief.
    I don't think there's one person for us all on earth. It's statistically absurd: how you can possibly believe that everyone currently in a relationship with someone they love has just happened to work in the same office block as them / go to the same party as them / be in the same hospital ward as them etc etc etc is the only one for them when there are thousands of others they could have the same compatibility with on earth is beyond me.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    the one does exist, but word of advise. DONT APPROACH THEM, IF YOU DO, DONT LET THEM GO, if u did, prepare for a lifetime of regrets
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: May 17, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.