Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Should you apologize for something that is not your fault? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I confronted my superior regarding an issue that I believed to be unethical in the work space and I believed that I've done so as professionally as I could. Things got really heated and the superior had somehow blamed me for the things that they did, so basically making the situation as their scapegoat.

    However, the superior's co-worker suggested that the superior my be upset with the way I've talked to them so I should apologize since they are a lot older than me and I should respect them.

    What on earth? I should apologize to them because they are a lot older than me and they automatically deserve my respect?

    What do you think?
    • TSR Support Team
    Online

    19
    TSR Support Team
    Moved to Advice on Everyday Issues
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Moved to Advice on Everyday Issues
    Thank you

    But what do you think Rock Fan? Any opinion regarding the post?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Can you tell us what the issue is? IN general terms?

    I'd say you're not in the wrong, but for the sake of making things easier in the workplace have another talk with your superior. Explain that you mean no disrespect, but the issue doesn't sit well with you. I had a lot of this in my old workplace, though it was generally malpractice and taking advantage. As sour as it may taste, sometimes you have to pander to those above you rather than make it confrontational if you want things to change.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    No. Stand your ground mate.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Providing you did bring it up professionally and the 'getting heated' issue was entirely on his side then I would agree with you that you don't need to apologize. Maybe an "I'm sorry if it came across wrong but I just wanted to say I thought it was unethical and suggest we do this instead" but not an actual apology as, once again assuming you did bring it up professionally and didn't contribue to things 'getting heated', you've got nothing to apologise for.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    No you shouldn't, old people have this belief that because they are old they deserve some kind of respect, remember i was picking up a prescription at the pharmacy and there was an old women pretty much shouting at the....i don't know the correct term (girl who brings out prescriptions? Not the pharmacist but a person who helps the pharmacist in the back) anyway the old woman was moaning about something to do with her prescription not including a certain thing despite the girl trying to tell her for about 10 minutes that the item she wanted wasn't prescribed by her doctor so they couldn't give it to her and not a single security guard stepped in despite at least two being in visible distance, although i'm guessing if it was a 20 stone 30 something shouting they would have been there in a flash.

    You definitely should not apologize unless you feel you did something wrong, if you do apologize that is pretty much admitting that you were in the wrong and your supervisor wins. Stand your ground and tell your supervisor if your concerns are not met with a constructive and timely response you will go over their head. Record all interaction with your supervisor, if he continues to be a problem try and get him on record saying something very unprofessional (preferably a threat towards you of some kind), also try to get co-workers to write statements about any of his professional failings then use said obtained evidence to construct a character assassination and destroy him. If he isn't sat drinking on a curb contemplating selling his first born to a wealthy Arab you didn't do it right.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Well I'd sometimes like say I'm sorry if I knew someone who had lost someone close to them I guess, but yeah in your case it depends if you brought up the issue in a civil manner or not, if the latter then I guess you could apologise to some extent but they may need to apologise as well. Also people older then you should be entitled to the same level as respect as you depending on what they say & do not because of their status of course.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Sometimes you can apologise for how you have made someone feel not what ylu have done to make them feel that way

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Supervisors and older people regularly engage in Appeal to Authority fallacy. It's the notion that the older/higher person must always be in the right, simply because they're older/higher. It's pretty much the cornerstone of every bitter manager/staff relationship out there.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    No, call Injury 4 lawyers for you, now
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ace Ten)
    Supervisors and older people regularly engage in Appeal to Authority fallacy. It's the notion that the older/higher person must always be in the right, simply because they're older/higher. It's pretty much the cornerstone of every bitter manager/staff relationship out there.
    How do we deal with people like this? I mean, assuming the person said; "I'm older and far more experienced than you, SO YOU <something patronizing and saying it in a supercilious way>".
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think you should apologise by saying saying, "I'm sorry if I disrespected you, that was not my intention." Only because you clearly want something to change, and the power to change it is in the hands of someone else. It's not really about if you're right or not, it's about how to get the changes required so don't let your pride get in the way, even if you have a right to let it. You'll just have to appease your superior.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    I would say stand you're ground.

    But that would be coming from the girl who says "sorry" a ridiculous amount of times just to make other people feel better or make situations easier even though in my head I am right lol

    Saying sorry will diffuse the situation but would it still annoy you in your head?
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    I would probably compromise.

    Go and see your supervisor and say something like 'I apologise if I came across as [insert adjective] in our earlier talk, but I really feel that I raised an important issue, so I would appreciate it if we could try and find a solution?'

    This way you make them feel better without compromising on your beliefs, and if you sort it out now it means that you won't be afraid to go to them with any future problems you may have.

    Good luck!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    You should stand your ground in what you said but maybe reflect on the way you said it?

    Now, I have younger people work for me. I am better qualified than them, much more experienced, and know my profession well. But that's not to say that I am always right and so I don't mind being questioned by a younger member of staff.

    But I will not have someone 20 years my junior just about out of short trousers and who I outrank many times over talk to me with disrespect any more than a Colonel will put up with a mouthy Private.

    I don't command respect because I am older - but because I was doing this job when they were still nursing from their mother's milk-laden breasts.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    No. Never, no matter what.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    It depends entirely on you. Here's a line from Game of Thrones I really like:

    If I caused offence, I apologise.

    IF means you are unsure that the offence is real.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Will not apologising directly effect your job? If all it will do is cause a bit of awkwardness for a week or so I wouldn't apologise.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    This is too general to decide. But probably not, if the situation really is this black and white. However, apologizing is probably the best thing for you to do, which is annoying
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
    Useful resources
    Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

    Sponsored features:

    Making money from your own website

    Need some cash?

    How to make money running your own website.

    Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

    Handle your digital footprint

    What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.