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Should I bluntly "friendzone" myself to save my friendship with her? Or what? Watch

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    A friend I knew for few months, then wesort of started to date before the holidays (nothing physical).Afterwards she started to behave a bit strange and avoiding me, thentold me she all of a sudden she is seeing someone. I was respectfulbut was a bit shocked and didn't know exactly what to say, but keptit cool and stuff and normal. I wanted to have a talk to make surethings are fine. We had the talk after 2-3 weeks after she told me.The talk was mainly that I want to make sure things are fine and thatshe has no problems with me (I kept it in the general sense to avoidany awkwardness). But I hinted at a couple of things that may be shethought I did hurt her or something, and wanted to make sure that Imeant no disrespect. I left thinking that all is allright.


    But after 10 days or so she called meand said that what I said was "not appropriate" and that Idid cross a line! I tried to emphasize that I just want to make surethere are no problems, but she still emphasized that. We had anothercall and she said she will think about it and I gave her some space.Then she called again several days later confirming that she stillthinks the same. I told her to be specific about what exactly was“not appropriate”, but she refused to clarify and said “you should know”...but I really don't. I said I hope we can still communicate but she saidno


    I'm not interested in her romanticallysince a while, due to some reasons, AND especially when she told meshe is seeing someone. But I don't want to lose her as a friend.Should I be very open about this and talk directly about it? Should I"prove" to her that things can't work out due to somepersonality differences, or how to friend-zone myself ? Should Iwrite something since phone calls didn't seem very productive and maybe we weren't listening carefully to each other?
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    Mate, after reading the first two paragraphs, do you really wanna be friends with her? She sounds like an over dramatic drama queen. She doesn't sound like a very nice person and you tried to keep the peace by being friendly and she just shot you in your face. To put it bluntly, she's a ***** and you deserve better.
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    ^ word to my brother up there.

    I think its difficult sometimes because if you liked/were liked by someone in the past then that possibility is always there, you tried to bury it, and she wasn't happy at all. walk. you've done your bit.
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    Wtf man, you're not even banging this girl, why do you care?

    Tell her to begone.
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    When women are pathetic like that it is usually because they want to punish you because you've shamed them:
    - you've made them realise they are not superior and subject to limitations,
    - they want you (or a man) more than you (or the man) want her,
    - it's crossed her mind tangentially to something you said that she might somehow be a "slut", that is, has the wrong amount of sexual desire. That may be too much or too little depending on how she is feeling that day.
    - she wants to tell you

    Saying you've done something wrong then refusing to tell you what it is is about re-asserting control when a man has spoken above his station, or when she knows she hasn't got a leg to stand on but needs someone to blame because she feels bad.

    In summary, just ignore her. There are plenty of well-adjusted women around who are not insecure about their sexuality and who you don't have to watch every little thing you say around. Try them, you might be pleasantly surprised.
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you for the advice guys, I appreciate it.

    (Original post by Michaelj)
    Mate, after reading the first two paragraphs, do you really wanna be friends with her? She sounds like an over dramatic drama queen. She doesn't sound like a very nice person and you tried to keep the peace by being friendly and she just shot you in your face. To put it bluntly, she's a ***** and you deserve better.
    I had little will remaining to fight for this friendship, but somehow it was important as I saw her not as "evil" person but more of an immature one. I'm not really interested in her romantically anymore at the current stage, but should I give it one last shot in a week or so or at the end of the summer to reconcile?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ^ word to my brother up there.

    I think its difficult sometimes because if you liked/were liked by someone in the past then that possibility is always there, you tried to bury it, and she wasn't happy at all. walk. you've done your bit.
    I agree. I do not think clearly now and I am not sure if my attempt in itself to bury it was wrong and should not have done it. But why she shouldn't be happy?

    (Original post by scrotgrot)
    When women are pathetic like that it is usually because they want to punish you because you've shamed them:
    - you've made them realise they are not superior and subject to limitations,
    - they want you (or a man) more than you (or the man) want her,
    - it's crossed her mind tangentially to something you said that she might somehow be a "slut", that is, has the wrong amount of sexual desire. That may be too much or too little depending on how she is feeling that day.
    - she wants to tell you

    Saying you've done something wrong then refusing to tell you what it is is about re-asserting control when a man has spoken above his station, or when she knows she hasn't got a leg to stand on but needs someone to blame because she feels bad.

    In summary, just ignore her. There are plenty of well-adjusted women around who are not insecure about their sexuality and who you don't have to watch every little thing you say around. Try them, you might be pleasantly surprised.
    Your points made me think about it in a different way. Perhaps it's a matter of ego to her and I may leave it for a while, like until before fall or something, then talk with her to make peace of something? Or may be to send an email that she can read it calmly whenever?

    I have little energy as I feel I got burnt. But I don't want to regret the decision to end the friendship from my side and may want to keep a door open or something.

    (Not sure if this info is relevant: but a close friend of hers was interested in me to a beyond-pushy levels, and I'm thinking that after I made clear, but indirectly, that I'm not interested that this friendship got sabotaged by her, or my friend was forced to made a choice between the two of us. But I don't have solid proofs, but my friend is a bit immature and her friend is too controlling)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you for the advice guys, I appreciate it.

    (Original post by Michaelj)
    Mate, after reading the first two paragraphs, do you really wanna be friends with her? She sounds like an over dramatic drama queen. She doesn't sound like a very nice person and you tried to keep the peace by being friendly and she just shot you in your face. To put it bluntly, she's a ***** and you deserve better.
    I had little will remaining to fight for this friendship, but somehow it was important as I saw her not as "evil" person but more of an immature one. I'm not really interested in her romantically anymore at the current stage, but should I give it one last shot in a week or so or at the end of the summer to reconcile?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ^ word to my brother up there.

    I think its difficult sometimes because if you liked/were liked by someone in the past then that possibility is always there, you tried to bury it, and she wasn't happy at all. walk. you've done your bit.
    I agree. I do not think clearly now and I am not sure if my attempt in itself to bury it was wrong and should not have done it. But why she shouldn't be happy?

    (Original post by scrotgrot)
    When women are pathetic like that it is usually because they want to punish you because you've shamed them:
    - you've made them realise they are not superior and subject to limitations,
    - they want you (or a man) more than you (or the man) want her,
    - it's crossed her mind tangentially to something you said that she might somehow be a "slut", that is, has the wrong amount of sexual desire. That may be too much or too little depending on how she is feeling that day.
    - she wants to tell you

    Saying you've done something wrong then refusing to tell you what it is is about re-asserting control when a man has spoken above his station, or when she knows she hasn't got a leg to stand on but needs someone to blame because she feels bad.

    In summary, just ignore her. There are plenty of well-adjusted women around who are not insecure about their sexuality and who you don't have to watch every little thing you say around. Try them, you might be pleasantly surprised.
    Your points made me think about it in a different way. Perhaps it's a matter of ego to her and I may leave it for a while, like until before fall or something, then talk with her to make peace of something? Or may be to send an email that she can read it calmly whenever?

    I have little energy as I feel I got burnt. But I don't want to regret the decision to end the friendship from my side and may want to keep a door open or something.

    (Not sure if this info is relevant: but a close friend of hers was interested in me to a beyond-pushy levels, and I'm thinking that after I made clear, but indirectly, that I'm not interested that this friendship got sabotaged by her, or my friend was forced to made a choice between the two of us. But I don't have solid proofs, but my friend is a bit immature and her friend is too controlling)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    (Not sure if this info is relevant: but a close friend of hers was interested in me to a beyond-pushy levels, and I'm thinking that after I made clear, but indirectly, that I'm not interested that this friendship got sabotaged by her, or my friend was forced to made a choice between the two of us. But I don't have solid proofs, but my friend is a bit immature and her friend is too controlling)
    It probably is relevant, it's staggering the level of insecurity girls seem to have, I'm still uncovering some of my girlfriend's insecurities 2 and a half years into our relationship. Almost anything boyfriend- or best friend-related is probably relevant in convoluted ways you couldn't ever have imagined
 
 
 
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