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How do you tell if someone is a nice guy or a *nice guy*? watch

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    OK, so as we all know there are quite a few decent, nice, genuine guys out there who actually respect girls.

    But there are also "nice guys" - i.e. the stereotypical guys who are actually really sleazy and just want sex, but try to manipulate girls into this by being "nice" to them just the way a friend would, and then complain about being "friendzoned" should a girl not sleep with them or show any romantic interest. They tend to masquerade as the former.

    So how do you tell the difference between them, especially if you don't know someone very well?

    Actions speak louder than words but it's hard to know what kind of action to look out for sometimes.

    Is it also true that "nice guys" are generally not the typical alpha-male, attractive, popular gym-going types? Because I have quite a few friends like the latter and none of these friends are manipulative in that way. They tend to be quite direct if a bit blunt. I'm beginning to think I should stick to dating guys like those, as I've seen some of my friends "sette" for the quiet geeky types whom might be less attractive and "interesting" but seem much nicer, only to find it was all a pretence and the guy just wanted sex or a relationship.
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    You don't.

    If there was a way then the act would never work and it would just start to die out.
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    You base how truthful someone is on whether they go gym or how geeky they are? You said it yourself, actions speak louder than words. No matter how someone seems, they might be a really nice person or not so nice no matter what category of intelligence or fitness they are in.
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    (Original post by Genocidal)
    You don't.

    If there was a way then the act would never work and it would just start to die out.
    You do eventually find out (when that guy who's always been a bit awkward around you starts ignoring you when you firmly insist you're not interested in going out with him despite how much of a "soft spot" he says he has for you and how much he tries to change your mind and manipulate you while you're drunk) but I'd rather be able to tell quickly, if that's at all possible.
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    Be aware that there's also nice guys who are romantically attracted to girls but don't know the first thing about how to communicate this (shyness) and get consigned to the friend zone. This isn't about them being nice because they want to get some sex, its about being nice because they are nice, then getting disappointed because that wasn't enough to turn your head.

    So I'd say its not necessarily an inherently deceitful thing. Of course it is in some cases.
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    (Original post by dada55)
    You base how truthful someone is on whether they go gym or how geeky they are? You said it yourself, actions speak louder than words. No matter how someone seems, they might be a really nice person or not so nice no matter what category of intelligence or fitness they are in.
    Obviously not. I'm not saying geeky guys can't be genuinely nice or "alpha male" types are all nice - I'm saying the latter are the only "nice guys" I've met. (If one of the latter finds you attractive and wants to sleep with you, he won't try to manipulate you into it by pretending to like you as a friend for ages).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Obviously not. I'm not saying geeky guys can't be genuinely nice or "alpha male" types are all nice - I'm saying the latter are the only "nice guys" I've met. (If one of the latter finds you attractive and wants to sleep with you, he won't try to manipulate you into it by pretending to like you as a friend for ages).
    *former
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    I'd like to think im a nice guy, I try to be honest as much as possible and do wee good deeds here n there when I can (holding doors open, helping elderly or frail people with their bags etc) and I go to the gym, granted im not massively muscular or that good looking (quite an average looking guy if im honest!) but I'm also a massive geek currently in a IT job who loves star wars and star trek and playing video games lol.

    So I dont think you can stereotype people like that, similarly I've met wonderful people in the gym who are more than happy to spot me on bench, give me advice on what works for them and so forth, yet for all I know they could be a womanizer behind closed doors, its not that easy to tell.

    I think as long as you like a guy and find him interesting thats a good starting point, its up to you from then on if you want to form a deeper relationship, if a guy has honest intentions and truely likes you, he'l stick around and take things at whatever pace you want, those who just want a quick (excuse me for saying this) ride, will just get bored and move on if they dont get what they want before long.

    I know thats a very black and white way of putting it but, I think most people should know themselves if someones worth being with, dont always go on looks alone, afterall looks only go so far once you get older, and no one wants to be with someone whos not a good match for them, or just a horrid person.

    Hope this helps!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK, so as we all know there are quite a few decent, nice, genuine guys out there who actually respect girls.

    But there are also "nice guys" - i.e. the stereotypical guys who are actually really sleazy and just want sex, but try to manipulate girls into this by being "nice" to them just the way a friend would, and then complain about being "friendzoned" should a girl not sleep with them or show any romantic interest. They tend to masquerade as the former.

    So how do you tell the difference between them, especially if you don't know someone very well?

    Actions speak louder than words but it's hard to know what kind of action to look out for sometimes.

    Is it also true that "nice guys" are generally not the typical alpha-male, attractive, popular gym-going types? Because I have quite a few friends like the latter and none of these friends are manipulative in that way. They tend to be quite direct if a bit blunt. I'm beginning to think I should stick to dating guys like those, as I've seen some of my friends "sette" for the quiet geeky types whom might be less attractive and "interesting" but seem much nicer, only to find it was all a pretence and the guy just wanted sex or a relationship.

    Tell them you have a boyfriend, if they keep talking to you then they're genuinely nice.
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    (Original post by AeneasBK)
    Be aware that there's also nice guys who are romantically attracted to girls but don't know the first thing about how to communicate this (shyness) and get consigned to the friend zone. This isn't about them being nice because they want to get some sex, its about being nice because they are nice, then getting disappointed because that wasn't enough to turn your head.

    So I'd say its not necessarily an inherently deceitful thing. Of course it is in some cases.
    Well, obviously, getting turned down or not having someone notice you can be disappointing, but if someone's a genuinely nice person then they'd understand it's not your fault it didn't turn your head. Nobody's obliged to fancy you no matter how nice you are to them (even if it's because you're a genuinely nice person).

    TBH I think the "friendzone" is a BS concept anyway. Unless someone's a complete **** about rejecting you, it's not exactly a "punishment" to "just" be friends with a person whose personality you like, and if you don't like their personality you probably shouldn't be pretending to just in the hope of a romantic relationship/sex. The whole term - "how dare you friendzone me after I was so nice to you!" implies that all you're good for (to them or anyone else) is being a possible girlfriend, and that the only reason for anyone to be nice to you is because there is a chance they can sleep with you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You do eventually find out (when that guy who's always been a bit awkward around you starts ignoring you when you firmly insist you're not interested in going out with him despite how much of a "soft spot" he says he has for you and how much he tries to change your mind and manipulate you while you're drunk) but I'd rather be able to tell quickly, if that's at all possible.
    Ah that's what I meant.

    Sooner or later you'll clearly find out. But finding out quickly just isn't going to happen unless they move quickly. Occasionally, you might feel like someone is fake and untrustworthy, but there's no grand tactic for it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    "how dare you friendzone me after I was so nice to you!"
    Da*** Has that ever been said by someone?? They need their head examined. They also CLEARLY didn't do their research on the friendzone lol
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    I think it depends on whether she likes him or not. If he spends time with the girl doing all these nicey things and she likes him back then he is a nice guy. But if she doesn't like him back and he becomes upset and no longer wants to be friends then he will be seen as a "nice guy". There is no difference in the way he acted in both situations. It all depends on the end result. Being rejected doesn't feel nice and being "just friends" with someone you like who doesn't feel the same is hard enough so it's understandable if he no longer wants to be friends after his advances failed.
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    Through simple observation of their interaction with people they don't want to have sex with.

    A nice guy will treat everyone the same.
    A *nice guy* will treat you well, everyone else poorly in comparison.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well, obviously, getting turned down or not having someone notice you can be disappointing, but if someone's a genuinely nice person then they'd understand it's not your fault it didn't turn your head. Nobody's obliged to fancy you no matter how nice you are to them (even if it's because you're a genuinely nice person).

    TBH I think the "friendzone" is a BS concept anyway. Unless someone's a complete **** about rejecting you, it's not exactly a "punishment" to "just" be friends with a person whose personality you like, and if you don't like their personality you probably shouldn't be pretending to just in the hope of a romantic relationship/sex. The whole term - "how dare you friendzone me after I was so nice to you!" implies that all you're good for (to them or anyone else) is being a possible girlfriend, and that the only reason for anyone to be nice to you is because there is a chance they can sleep with you.
    It is pretty damn painful/frustrating to be around someone you really like when they don't feel the same way, even if they were nice about rejecting you. It's a constant reminder of what will never happen. Staying friends with someone you really like just prevents you from moving on. Better to cut your losses and cut them out of your life entirely
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    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    Through simple observation of their interaction with people they don't want to have sex with.

    A nice guy will treat everyone the same.
    A *nice guy* will treat you well, everyone else poorly in comparison.
    well said, I have a mate whos like the second, lovely guy when he wants a girl, complete ******* to the rest, shame really lol
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You do eventually find out (when that guy who's always been a bit awkward around you starts ignoring you when you firmly insist you're not interested in going out with him despite how much of a "soft spot" he says he has for you and how much he tries to change your mind and manipulate you while you're drunk) but I'd rather be able to tell quickly, if that's at all possible.
    One method I can think of is to see whether he acts much differently when he is with his friends. A lot of people can seem very nice people when they are on their own but change completely when they are with their friends.
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    Act drunk/sleepy and see if they try to take advantage/molest you :awesome:

    #NiceGuyTrap101
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    (Original post by dada55)
    One method I can think of is to see whether he acts much differently when he is with his friends. A lot of people can seem very nice people when they are on their own but change completely when they are with their friends.
    You mean his guy mates or just any close friends?
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    It depends on your own actual, and perceived self-esteem, worth - which subsequently determines how valuable you're to them.

    That said, you really need to know someone through shared memories to know what they're really made up of.

 
 
 
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