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    Hey Guys! Okay i used to do self harm to a number of reasons (im slowly stopping! ive gone 3 weeks without it which is really good for me and i have no intension or though of cutting again) but someone told my head of year that i did and she asked me so i denied it because i didnt want the hassel. Recently a number of people on the social networking site "Ask.fm" told me to go and harm myself on anonomous. This really hurt me. A lot. If people who dont know me can say that they what are the people who do know me saying about me? I have a few close friends in school. I did have a lot but they were fake friends. They were telling me noone liked me (as a joke) but in the end i got fed up with it and felt best if i left them. I have an amazing boyfriend who is supportive and a few close friends who understand me and help me when i need it! But im scared. The reason i did self harm was:
    A) Because of the fake friends.
    B) Because i was fed up with havting to go to school with a brave smile on my face and pretend im ok when im not.
    C) Havting to pretend and tell teachers im ok when im not because i dont want them to tell my parents.
    And there is a few more to!
    I have OCD and i think im starting to develop depression and anxiety. i see a counciller in school for my boyfriends problems (yes we both go because we feel better and easier to open up with us both there) and recently he told the counciller that he was worried about me, so the next week we spoke about my problems to. I said a lot except the fact that i did self harm back then because the one of the rules in the councilling is that if you say you do self harm or have any thought of suicide then they have to inform someone (aka your parents.) and i dont want that.
    Im sorry for the essay but ill get to the point now!
    I leave school next friday and after half term i only have to come in for exams but i've been thinking recently that i dont like my form class (at the beginning of year 10 everyone changed forms in order of class), my old form was amazing because it was small and had some of my close friends in and the form tutor really supported me. and now my new form is horrible! Theres about 20-30 people in there whereas my old one was between 15-20! and i dont like many people in there. 2 of my close friends from my old form were there but their on study leave for a week whereas im not and i dont know why but i hate being in crowds. i'd much rather be with a smaller group of people. I spoke to my head of year about it and she say she'll try and sort it out but then when i was there speaking to her i though why am i battling this battle on my own (well with very few people) why dont i ask her for help? so i did. I told her what had been said on "ask.fm" and she told me to block them, ignore it and if it carrys on tell the police. She also asked me if i would ever harm myself and because i denied it before and there were people there with us i denied it again. I asked her not to tell my parents and she said okay and that she wouldnt anyway because its not serious enough to. I was going to tell her the rest but she had a class to get to so i thought i'd leave it till monday. Im now thinking i really need to tell her because if i tell her it will mean she will ask me constantly how i am and i know she wouldnt like me to self harm again and if she knows it will mean i cant otherwise i'd have let her down! so basically what im trying to say is: How do i tell her? Like seriously i dont know how to? Shes a bit of an air head (well a lot) but i want/ need to tell her...
    A) that i did used to self harm
    B) that i really dont like my form group and need to change (even if its only for a week)
    C) that i put a brave smile on my face every single day and pretend im okay when im really not.
    Please help me? How can i tell her these things? I cant just go straight out with it because i just cant. How do i slowly break it into her that i need to tell her these things?

    Also i have a leavers assembly next week on friday and she will be giving a speach along with other people. Our parents are invited and both my mum and dad are coming. Im scared incase she tells them? Is she allowed? Im 16 dont i have a legal right for things to stay confidencial unless their bad? (my cuts are not bad at all!) (you can barely see them now)

    Please help me guys! Sorry for the fact that this is like an essay but i need help and advice! Oh yeah i'd like to add that i go to a counciller now and next week is my last councilling session! (i go with my boyfriend as i said above) and im going to college in september (the same one as my boyfriend) and i'd like to carry on my councilling there? with people i dont know so i can open up properely then and tell them everything. Is this possible? Like to go to a college councilling place in pairs? With my boyfriend?

    Thanks for the help guys! If you can help it would be amazing! Sorry for the essay!x :confused:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey Guys! Okay i used to do self harm to a number of reasons (im slowly stopping! ive gone 3 weeks without it which is really good for me and i have no intension or though of cutting again) but someone told my head of year that i did and she asked me so i denied it because i didnt want the hassel. Recently a number of people on the social networking site "Ask.fm" told me to go and harm myself on anonomous. This really hurt me. A lot. If people who dont know me can say that they what are the people who do know me saying about me? I have a few close friends in school. I did have a lot but they were fake friends. They were telling me noone liked me (as a joke) but in the end i got fed up with it and felt best if i left them. I have an amazing boyfriend who is supportive and a few close friends who understand me and help me when i need it! But im scared. The reason i did self harm was:
    A) Because of the fake friends.
    B) Because i was fed up with havting to go to school with a brave smile on my face and pretend im ok when im not.
    C) Havting to pretend and tell teachers im ok when im not because i dont want them to tell my parents.
    And there is a few more to!
    I have OCD and i think im starting to develop depression and anxiety. i see a counciller in school for my boyfriends problems (yes we both go because we feel better and easier to open up with us both there) and recently he told the counciller that he was worried about me, so the next week we spoke about my problems to. I said a lot except the fact that i did self harm back then because the one of the rules in the councilling is that if you say you do self harm or have any thought of suicide then they have to inform someone (aka your parents.) and i dont want that.
    Im sorry for the essay but ill get to the point now!
    I leave school next friday and after half term i only have to come in for exams but i've been thinking recently that i dont like my form class (at the beginning of year 10 everyone changed forms in order of class), my old form was amazing because it was small and had some of my close friends in and the form tutor really supported me. and now my new form is horrible! Theres about 20-30 people in there whereas my old one was between 15-20! and i dont like many people in there. 2 of my close friends from my old form were there but their on study leave for a week whereas im not and i dont know why but i hate being in crowds. i'd much rather be with a smaller group of people. I spoke to my head of year about it and she say she'll try and sort it out but then when i was there speaking to her i though why am i battling this battle on my own (well with very few people) why dont i ask her for help? so i did. I told her what had been said on "ask.fm" and she told me to block them, ignore it and if it carrys on tell the police. She also asked me if i would ever harm myself and because i denied it before and there were people there with us i denied it again. I asked her not to tell my parents and she said okay and that she wouldnt anyway because its not serious enough to. I was going to tell her the rest but she had a class to get to so i thought i'd leave it till monday. Im now thinking i really need to tell her because if i tell her it will mean she will ask me constantly how i am and i know she wouldnt like me to self harm again and if she knows it will mean i cant otherwise i'd have let her down! so basically what im trying to say is: How do i tell her? Like seriously i dont know how to? Shes a bit of an air head (well a lot) but i want/ need to tell her...
    A) that i did used to self harm
    B) that i really dont like my form group and need to change (even if its only for a week)
    C) that i put a brave smile on my face every single day and pretend im okay when im really not.
    Please help me? How can i tell her these things? I cant just go straight out with it because i just cant. How do i slowly break it into her that i need to tell her these things?

    Also i have a leavers assembly next week on friday and she will be giving a speach along with other people. Our parents are invited and both my mum and dad are coming. Im scared incase she tells them? Is she allowed? Im 16 dont i have a legal right for things to stay confidencial unless their bad? (my cuts are not bad at all!) (you can barely see them now)

    Please help me guys! Sorry for the fact that this is like an essay but i need help and advice! Oh yeah i'd like to add that i go to a counciller now and next week is my last councilling session! (i go with my boyfriend as i said above) and im going to college in september (the same one as my boyfriend) and i'd like to carry on my councilling there? with people i dont know so i can open up properely then and tell them everything. Is this possible? Like to go to a college councilling place in pairs? With my boyfriend?

    Thanks for the help guys! If you can help it would be amazing! Sorry for the essay!x :confused:
    I think you should write everything you wanna say down in a letter. It might be easier for you. Eventhough you're 16, if they think youre gonna harm yourself in anyway theyll still tell your parents. Honestly though i dont know why youd want to tell her about SH though, but its up to you. theres plenty of places online you could say stuff if you just want to vent. Idk. Sorry if this doesnt help much. And about the college counselling thing, you'll have to ask the college. :cute:
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    Firstly, I doubt she will tell them. Teachers have certain policies about what they can and can't say and if you tell her you don't want them to know she shouldn't tell them without at least informing you.

    As for how you tell her, it's rather difficult to tell you how you should since it's a rather personal thing. But I'd suggest you ask her to meet so you know you won't be disrupted like last time. Start by telling her you want to be moved to a smaller form group because you don't like large groups. There aren't really many ways to tell her about the rest other than just coming out and saying it, If you're sure that's what you want to do (it sounds like a good idea that you've thought through to me).

    You might try to wait and see if she asks again but if she doesn't just come straight out and say something like you were worried to tell her the truth before but you want to tell her the truth and you have self harmed before.

    It will be fine. It doesn't matter how you tell her just tell her however feels right at the time.

    Try writing it down, that may help.


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    (Original post by eddie4921)
    I think you should write everything you wanna say down in a letter. It might be easier for you. Eventhough you're 16, if they think youre gonna harm yourself in anyway theyll still tell your parents. Honestly though i dont know why youd want to tell her about SH though, but its up to you. theres plenty of places online you could say stuff if you just want to vent. Idk. Sorry if this doesnt help much. And about the college counselling thing, you'll have to ask the college. :cute:
    Okay thanks
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    Firstly, I doubt she will tell them. Teachers have certain policies about what they can and can't say and if you tell her you don't want them to know she shouldn't tell them without at least informing you.

    As for how you tell her, it's rather difficult to tell you how you should since it's a rather personal thing. But I'd suggest you ask her to meet so you know you won't be disrupted like last time. Start by telling her you want to be moved to a smaller form group because you don't like large groups. There aren't really many ways to tell her about the rest other than just coming out and saying it, If you're sure that's what you want to do (it sounds like a good idea that you've thought through to me).

    You might try to wait and see if she asks again but if she doesn't just come straight out and say something like you were worried to tell her the truth before but you want to tell her the truth and you have self harmed before.

    It will be fine. It doesn't matter how you tell her just tell her however feels right at the time.

    Try writing it down, that may help.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Okay thankyou guys! Im still unsure whether or not to tell her about self harm yet but i need to tell her the rest. if i do tell her i know she will be on my back constantly making sure im okay and not doing it which will mean i wont do it (if you get that!)

    and im still worried incase she tells my parents! It will make the situation worse to be honest if she does! and okay thanks both for the advice
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    Just a quick note to add from me...

    I used to self harm and my mum found out because she saw cuts and stuff. Turns out her friend's daughter was just the same as me and my mum said that if I wanted to and only if I wanted to I could go to a class and learn how to deal with stress which was what was causing my problems.

    Maybe if someone knows, they can help you. I'd like to think your parents won't judge you. I also like that you're going to counselling and that you feel comfortable enough to go with your boyfriend. That's lovely to hear and very mature of you so I hope you realize you're a strong person and those people are just uneducated about these sorts of things and are being silly

    I know I haven't been too much help but maybe the mini pep talk helped a bit xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just a quick note to add from me...

    I used to self harm and my mum found out because she saw cuts and stuff. Turns out her friend's daughter was just the same as me and my mum said that if I wanted to and only if I wanted to I could go to a class and learn how to deal with stress which was what was causing my problems.

    Maybe if someone knows, they can help you. I'd like to think your parents won't judge you. I also like that you're going to counselling and that you feel comfortable enough to go with your boyfriend. That's lovely to hear and very mature of you so I hope you realize you're a strong person and those people are just uneducated about these sorts of things and are being silly

    I know I haven't been too much help but maybe the mini pep talk helped a bit xx
    You have helped thankyou so much! My parents are partly the reason why i did it so id rather them not find out haha!
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    hi ,Sorry for the last reply and hope you are still okay . this is quite long so u could skip to the end if you want .

    I was in similar shoe when i was younger and i will be working with the university and as well as a mental health support worker soon so i know a bit from both professional and personal aspect and experiences. age 16-18 is a very difficult time to define any young people,even for medical professional , because although at age 16, load of stuff are requested to keep confidential and more different right are given to young people , at time parental consent are still required especially in regarding to safeguarding where it is no longer just based on individual justification but legal requirement to report it .especially in educational system .

    When you decide to discussed anything with adult ,if it is related to your safeguarding or other risk or harm to other or yourself , please always remember they can not (and should never ) say they can promise to never tell anyone . However , if they are required to tell someone , they should limited the amount of information they give with your consent , this apply to anyone including teacher , counsellor (they have to follow guideline from HCPC) or medical /mental health related worker . ,

    When i seeks helps for my mental illness, due to my severity ( i had 3 suicide attempted during that time and told them i am activity suicidal )they do not have any choice but to report it to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service ) they told my sister (who was my carer during then ) that action need to be taken and give her the choice of either the school will arranged it or she can take me there asap .she mention i had self harm and suicidal but do not mention anything i told them and the reason as well .

    having said that , when my sister reported emotional difficulty and self harm ( due to my situation ) she was seen by a child protection officer and all the school required to do was just to inform my parent that they are a bit concern (again , nothing was reveal)

    it is great that you found someone you can trust to discussed this , but if you find it a bit diffcult to be completely honest , maybe write her a letter? or another great thing to do is to have someone speak for you . For example , i had issue with traumatic experience when i was younger of which i think my teacher should know about in order for her to react properly when i returned to school but could not bring myself to say anything so i asked my bestfriend (someone you can trust , in this case, maybe your boyfriend ? ) to tell my teacher . at that point i obviously was panic from not being able to find out the response of how she going to react right away and there's no getting out once he is gone . but then the decision is make and you cant change your mind and avoid thing stuck in your throat obviously . (best thing is , it avoid me breaking down in front of her just talking about it ) This subsequently helps me a lot and help her to understand why i behaved in a particular way sometime .Try to. think about what you want to say, book a room and make sure they are free ( sometime just say , can i see you today or sometime privately ? which i am sure most teacher would not mind ) . maybe just start by saying i want to tell you something but i am anxious about it

    you dont have to tell her everything , and to be honest , unless you are in a significant risk of yourself such as required frequent hospital treatment or other or other significant underlying cause such as your behaviour is a direct/indirect result of child abuse / sexual abuse (i only included sexual abuse as you are still 16 . which by law , although you are old enough to give consent, you are still under extra protection as you are under 18 such as being paid for sex , sex with person of trust (teacher , careworker etc) , they normally wouldnt make a big deal out of it because a sad fact is self harm is actually quite common , and at some area , even been seens as a fashion . so although they need to pay attentions to it , quite a lot of teacher (especially older teacher who been in academic field for longer ) had some experience in it and do know how to handle it .

    If you do not like your group , a good thing to do is obviously discussing it with her , or even go pass her and speak to head of the years. you dont have to tell all about how you feel if you dont want to but just saying you feel really uncomfotable and it is not beneficial due to and for your mental health (once again , you can just tell them the information you want to tell them , but not everything , but obviously , more information u give , better it is ) , if you have problem with this . a formal complain and request letter possibly from your parent requesting it will be the best .just have to hand it in the head of sixth form . or if you have trouble even handing it to her . or asking your parent , you can email them. i often found email easier as you can really think about how to put it . again , my suggestion is if you want to put in a request , make it formal . they should then have someone (most likely your tutor ) discussing it with you and the next step to take .

    Sorry about the length of this ,
    but in short , basically , dont worry too much about telling them about the self harm if you are not in significant risk , they might be required to tell child protection and if it is severe , they might be required to tell your parent , but they can not tell them in detail and can only tell them the very basic , in your case (which doesnt sound severe ) at most they probably only going to tell them they are a bit concern or worst case is you do self harm . but if you ensure them you are under good care , and have capacity to look after yourself ,which i think you are , i dont see why they should over react to it .

    if you have trouble saying everything you want and how you feel and couldnt cope . , you could try writing it down , or even suggesting friends to help you . or even book a proper appointment with private time and space . think about what you want to say before hand ..

    finally regarding the change of form , the best thing to do is possibly a formal request then let them lead up to further discussion if required. (remember to save yourself of copy of everything )

    best of luck .
 
 
 
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