I am starting to think that I may have some form of personality disorders, either avoidant/dependent or borderline.
I cannot but relate this to how my family and my parents treated me. I always get sad when I remember my childhood/early teenagehood. Even today, at 23, I feel my family is what is preventing me from developing into a more stable person. Asking me to communicate with them is fruitless: I am general open about my feelings and the blame is always put back on me.
I don't know how to let go of this anger. I look at how my parents put so much attention in the well-being of my siblings and get jealous. One day, I heard my mum tell a sibling to let my youngest sister talk and express herself; build her confidence. This was so upsetting as it reminded me she has never been like this with me. Today, I have turned into an individual who is afraid of others and cannot express herself. I am so unstable emotionally and have so many communication and social difficulties. Only 'outsiders' (non-family members) have been more understanding, yet this is not enough for me: they cannot provide a substitute.
I am so upset. I keep thinking about how I would have become a different and better person if only my family knew how to deal with me.
Sorry for the rant.
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- Thread Starter
- 18-05-2013 00:22
- 18-05-2013 09:28
Hi, I used to feel the same way as you. I blamed my Dad for how I was, for my lack of confidence, depression, etc. But you know what? I was so wrong. My problems are 95% my own, I realised. Now I'm older I understand that my anxiety is just part of who I am. Like someone who is disabled, I just need to be strong and tell myself that I will have some 'bad' days but that overall I WILL be okay in the long run. And so will you. Your family are probably really annoying (LOL) as many are, but you don't get to choose your family and in the long run they will support you in hard times. So stick with them, hold your head up high & believe in yourself. You are so much more an amazing person than you believe right now & you will be okay. Jon
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- 30-05-2013 18:38
i recommend reading toxic parents. Even if our parents are the reason for our problems because they were abusive etc, we can still heal and change our behaviour and reaction to the world.