Hi there, do you think this a good descriptive essay?
the question: "it was all over in that moment" describe what you heard, what you saw and your feelings at that time."I tried to squint my eyes through the darkness to get a look of my sister, Annie. She was a petite girl with light brown hair and rose-colored cheeks. Today however, her face was smeared in dirt and dried blood and tears were streaming down her cheeks as she whimpered to herself. "Where are they taking us?" her soft voice cracked at me. I could only shake my head in response.
About an hour later, the sound of screeching tires filled my ears and the back doors of the musty van opened. My sister and I were hauled onto the ground and Annie screamed as rough rocks digged deep into her fragile skin as she landed next to me. I blinked several times only to realize we were near a forest. Tall trees loomed menacingly over us and only a few rays of warm sunlight fought its way through the thick green leaves of the trees. My heart raced as scary thoughts creeped into my mind. No one could save us. No one could hear us.
The sound of my sister's piercing scream once again filled the air. " Shut up!" a man's voice came in response to Annie. His voice was rough and husky, as if he had just recovered from a bad cough. I looked up to see a man with a face full of scars and his lips curled into an evil grin. His friend next to him, who was about a foot shorter than he was, had a face of an animal. He had eyes that resembled that of a cat's. His pupils were abnormally irregular shaped. I quickly turned away and faced my sister instead. Annie was now hyperventilating and was continuously muttering " I want to go home." My heart ached for home, where Mother would be in the kitchen baking cookies and Father would be in his recliner, humming to the radio whilst flipping through the morning newspaper.
We were brought to an opening near the forest with our hands tied behind our backs and were threatened that if we decided to make a run for it, a bullet to the head will be sure to come. The roughness of the rope was causing my wrists to bleed as I continuously tried to struggle out of them. I knelt down in silence next to my sister as the two men walked away, both engaged in a deep conversation with one another. From a distance, I heard the sound of a little girl's cry. My ears perked up to get more insight from where it was coming from but only a few moments later, a loud bang happened and silence filled the air for a short while. Birds shocked by the loud sound flocked away in large numbers, all noisily squawking as well. My heart ached for the little girl who was probably dead now and I moved closer to my sister to secure some company.
The two men returned with large shotguns in their hands. The long, black metal looked out of place against the green surroundings of nature. The man with the eyes of a cat walked closer and closer until he stopped directly in front of my sister. He then raised the gun and pointed it to my sister's head. Annie's big brown eyes looked up only to be greeted by the nozzle of a double barrel shotgun. Adrenaline and panic rushed through my veins and I screamed for the man to turn the gun away from my sister but he only proceeded with pulling the trigger. A short click and a loud bang was all that happened next.
The taste of warm blood filled my mouth and I sputtered to spit it out. There were large amounts of blood everywhere, especially on me and I started screaming hysterically of what was left of my sister. The two men grinned menacingly and chuckled at the remains of my sister. My sister was gone. It was all over in that moment.
I'm really worried, I did this for my exam, and I feel it is not "descriptive" enough, what do you think I could get because of this? a B?
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- Thread Starter
- 18-05-2013 09:42