Don't want to go to Graduation
I'm graduating from uni in July and I really don't want to go to the graduation ceremony. The past three years of uni have been the worst in my life (I know I'm only 22, so I'm sure there's worse to come...yey...) I have no friends on my course so I won't know anyone in the ceremony with me or to take "yey we graduated" photos with...Plus I'm graduating with a 2.2 which I'm not proud of, as I'm definitely capable of getting a 2.1 (that sounds really cocky, but in first year I got all 2.1s and a few firsts, unfortunately these don't count though...). My parents know that I've been deeply unhappy at uni and they are just pleased I'm graduating, they don't seem to care too much what classification I get. They've said that they want to go to my graduation ceremony and they want extra tickets so my older brothers can come too, but every time I even think about graduation I cry. I'm so disappointed in myself and I've hated my uni experience so much, I know I'm just going to spend the whole of the ceremony in self-loathing and trying not to cry - I don't want my family to make a big deal out of it because I feel so ashamed.
Should I go to the ceremony for my parents? In a way it's the end of a chapter for them too... Or should I save myself the pain and beg them not to make me go?
Should I go to the ceremony for my parents? In a way it's the end of a chapter for them too... Or should I save myself the pain and beg them not to make me go?
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Reply 1
20
I'm in exactly the same boat and have just about definitely decided I'm not going. I know its supposed to be one of those big days in your life and I feel upset I'm not going, but both options for me were far from ideal and I decided that the least bad option was to not go, because as far as I see it, its a day to celebrate and say goodbye to all your mates, get photos and look back on the last 3 years fondly but like you I wouldn't be able to do that after 3 years of problems with people, struggling to make friends and MH problems and I wouldn't have anyone to celebrate with on my course. The thing is my parents don't know the full extent of what the last 3 years have been like for me, they've had hints and I've spoken to them occasionally but unsurprisingly my mum thought I was mad when I said I wasn't going, my dad hasn't said anything about it yet but I can just see his reaction now, he won't be happy, but I genuinely believe the regrets of not going won't be as bad as going and having a rotten day while everyone else smile, I've got enough bad memories from this place as it is.
Its up to you, its your life and degree, if you really don't want to go and feel it would be better not to go at all then don't go just because of your parents.
Its up to you, its your life and degree, if you really don't want to go and feel it would be better not to go at all then don't go just because of your parents.
Reply 2
I feel exactly the same. I deferred my last year of uni (due to mental health problems) so all my friends graduated last year. Now I'm looking at the prospect of graduating without any real friends, and celebrating four difficult years, and getting a degree qualification which is likely to be a lot lower than what I'd have achieved if I hadn't been ill. I don't want to go at all, but mum and dad said I can't 'deprive' them of the chance to see me graduate, because my sister didn't go to her graduation ceremony either. Every time I think about the ceremony I'm in tears, but my dad has already paid for gown hire and photographs, so it looks like I'm going to have to bear it.
I'm just hoping to get the ceremony over with as quickly as possible so that I can go home and keep everyone happy.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
I'm just hoping to get the ceremony over with as quickly as possible so that I can go home and keep everyone happy.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
Reply 3
14
If you genuinely think you wont regret or ever wonder what it was like then dont bother but if you have any bit of what I mentioned then go. In my opinion you should just go and consider it the last thing you have to do for the uni as you mentioned to close a chapter for you and your parents.
Reply 4
20
Original post
by OshaI feel exactly the same. I deferred my last year of uni (due to mental health problems) so all my friends graduated last year. Now I'm looking at the prospect of graduating without any real friends, and celebrating four difficult years, and getting a degree qualification which is likely to be a lot lower than what I'd have achieved if I hadn't been ill. I don't want to go at all, but mum and dad said I can't 'deprive' them of the chance to see me graduate, because my sister didn't go to her graduation ceremony either. Every time I think about the ceremony I'm in tears, but my dad has already paid for gown hire and photographs, so it looks like I'm going to have to bear it.
I'm just hoping to get the ceremony over with as quickly as possible so that I can go home and keep everyone happy.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
I'm just hoping to get the ceremony over with as quickly as possible so that I can go home and keep everyone happy.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
My parents were the same, but I had already made my mind up and did what I could to try and convince them to accept my decision but to no avail, they made no further efforts to try and convince me and haven't exactly been in a mood with me or anything, but I'm still disappointed they made no effort to see it from my point of view and neither have ever really bothered to try and understand my MH problems or provide support, they just act as if its my problems with people are my own fault. I know I might seem selfish, but the way I see it, is that I had to suffer for 3 crappy years and didn't have the uni experience everyone told me I would have, so surely they can live with having to miss just one day and my sister will be graduating in 5 years time anyway. I've got enough bad memories of that place, I just didn't want anymore and I genuinely feel I wouldn't have enjoyed the day at all, as I watched everyone happily celebrate with their friends in the corner.
Reply 5
Original post
by OshaI feel exactly the same. I deferred my last year of uni (due to mental health problems) so all my friends graduated last year. Now I'm looking at the prospect of graduating without any real friends, and celebrating four difficult years, and getting a degree qualification which is likely to be a lot lower than what I'd have achieved if I hadn't been ill. I don't want to go at all, but mum and dad said I can't 'deprive' them of the chance to see me graduate, because my sister didn't go to her graduation ceremony either. Every time I think about the ceremony I'm in tears, but my dad has already paid for gown hire and photographs, so it looks like I'm going to have to bear it.
I'm just hoping to get the ceremony over with as quickly as possible so re that I can go home and keep everyone happy.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
I'm just hoping to get the ceremony over with as quickly as possible so re that I can go home and keep everyone happy.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
Pretend they're years of joy?
I know the situation but I'm lucky in that when i restarted uni I made a fair few new friends
Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 6
Warn your parents that most Graduation Ceremonies are very long, very tedious and as boring as bat-poo. It isnt like watching some West End show or the Opening Ceremony at the Olympics.
It is not a spectator sport that any 'younger siblings' will find in any way interesting or inspirational! Its just hundreds (yes, hundreds) of students trailing across a stage and being handed a certificate. The VC will make the standard 'Isnt our Uni wonderful' speech and a 'speaker' you've probably never heard of will make their own self-congratulatory speech. It can take anything up to and beyond THREE HOURS to get all this rubbish accomplished.
Tell them you dont want to go - and actually neither do they if they have any sense.
It is not a spectator sport that any 'younger siblings' will find in any way interesting or inspirational! Its just hundreds (yes, hundreds) of students trailing across a stage and being handed a certificate. The VC will make the standard 'Isnt our Uni wonderful' speech and a 'speaker' you've probably never heard of will make their own self-congratulatory speech. It can take anything up to and beyond THREE HOURS to get all this rubbish accomplished.
Tell them you dont want to go - and actually neither do they if they have any sense.
(edited 12 years ago)
Reply 7
Personally I see graduation as being something for your parents, so that they can be all self congratulatory about getting you through 17 years of education.
Gauge how fussed they are about going to the ceremony, and if you do end up going then think of it along the lines of "thank **** that's over", rather than as being an actual celebration.
Gauge how fussed they are about going to the ceremony, and if you do end up going then think of it along the lines of "thank **** that's over", rather than as being an actual celebration.
Reply 8
19
I was in a very similar position with uni being the worst three years of my life and I didn't really have any friends on my course either.
I actually ended up doing a kind of 'middle ground' with graduating. I thought I'd be going, but my mum started a new type of chemotherapy a couple of weeks and was very very tired by then (she died just over 5 weeks later so was deteriorating at the time) before so I was worried about her having to sit through the day when she was feeling ill - although had I wanted to, she would have done it. But I was shy and anxious about the ceremony so I wasn't looking forward to it too much (and my parents had been to my brother's ceremony the week before and said sitting through watching everyone else go up gets a bit boring after a while!)
So we went up on the day, went and got the graduation robes, had photos taken in my robes etc and with my mum and dad, went out for lunch with my parents wearing my graduation robes, went to the cathedral and picked up the programme book so I could have a copy, took a couple more photos outside, then went and handed back the robes and went home.
So maybe there's something like that that you could consider if it would be easier - it might not be ideal, but it would mean your parents could have some photos of you 'graduating', because it sounds like they're very pleased for you either way, and it is nice in the future to have those photos at least.
If you're really, really unhappy about the graduation ceremony, speak to your parents and see what they think. But maybe consider if you can do something similar to the above if it would be easier than attending the actual ceremony.
Sorry if this isn't too helpful, but I hope work out because I can relate very much!
I actually ended up doing a kind of 'middle ground' with graduating. I thought I'd be going, but my mum started a new type of chemotherapy a couple of weeks and was very very tired by then (she died just over 5 weeks later so was deteriorating at the time) before so I was worried about her having to sit through the day when she was feeling ill - although had I wanted to, she would have done it. But I was shy and anxious about the ceremony so I wasn't looking forward to it too much (and my parents had been to my brother's ceremony the week before and said sitting through watching everyone else go up gets a bit boring after a while!)
So we went up on the day, went and got the graduation robes, had photos taken in my robes etc and with my mum and dad, went out for lunch with my parents wearing my graduation robes, went to the cathedral and picked up the programme book so I could have a copy, took a couple more photos outside, then went and handed back the robes and went home.
So maybe there's something like that that you could consider if it would be easier - it might not be ideal, but it would mean your parents could have some photos of you 'graduating', because it sounds like they're very pleased for you either way, and it is nice in the future to have those photos at least.
If you're really, really unhappy about the graduation ceremony, speak to your parents and see what they think. But maybe consider if you can do something similar to the above if it would be easier than attending the actual ceremony.
Sorry if this isn't too helpful, but I hope work out because I can relate very much!
Reply 9
I feel exactly the same - all down to the ridiculous cost, the disappointing venue of my graduation and the fact I had a deeply unhappy time at university. I actually qualify at a different university so would have two graduations, my parents don't understand the first one is pointless and really want me to go.
I'm going to focus on the fact my parents want me to go, and hoping my grandparents too and how proud they will be and will just have to forget the awful times.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm going to focus on the fact my parents want me to go, and hoping my grandparents too and how proud they will be and will just have to forget the awful times.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 10
14
Original post
by Origami BulletsPersonally I see graduation as being something for your parents, so that they can be all self congratulatory about getting you through 17 years of education.
Gauge how fussed they are about going to the ceremony, and if you do end up going then think of it along the lines of "thank **** that's over", rather than as being an actual celebration.
Gauge how fussed they are about going to the ceremony, and if you do end up going then think of it along the lines of "thank **** that's over", rather than as being an actual celebration.
I agree with Origami here. Think of it as a nice thing to do for your parents. I know you believe that graduating is not a big deal for you and that you are in fact dreading it, but you should be aware that it will probably be a big deal for your parents.
From their point of view it is one of those milestones like your first day at school, leaving home for the first time and your wedding day.
If you think you can force yourself to do it, I would try my best to get through it.
Doing things for other people that you care about that you'd rather not is part of growing up and is just as important a lesson, if not more so, than anything you've learned at university.
Although like other people have mentioned, these ceremonies tend to be very long and very boring.
Reply 11
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Reply 12
I feel the same. I think that I'll be getting a 2:2 as I've seriously messed up in my dissertation, and I feel that I've let everyone done and I'm embarrassed about it. However, I'm going to just have to grin and bear it.
Reply 13
20
Ah same! I'm not too bothered about it. But my parents have really been looking forward to it, so I'll be attending it for them. 
Reply 14
20
If you go you'll probably have an okay time, but if you don't you'll probably be okay with that too, so pick the option your gut tells you you'll regret the least. I didn't go to my graduation - my parents wanted to go but I didn't particularly, so I didn't. Your parents should understand and it will get forgotten about soon enough. From reading your post I get the impression that you don't want to go and want people to support or encourage that decision - if that's the case then I don't think you should go. Just decide not to and let that be that.
Reply 15
2
This thread's a year old...
Reply 16
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Original post
by returnmigrantWarn your parents that most Graduation Ceremonies are very long, very tedious and as boring as bat-poo. It isnt like watching some West End show or the Opening Ceremony at the Olympics.
HEY! Bat poo is actually pretty interesting. It supports all sorts of unusual organisms.
I agree though, graduation is a snorefest. It is your graduation not your parents, tell them to bog off. I was disappointed with my 2:1 and that made the ceremony awful for me, it was only my friends that made it worth going. If you don't have any friends there is no point.
Reply 17
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Original post
by RikuThis thread's a year old...
You bumped it dummy :P
Reply 18
2
Original post
by redferryYou bumped it dummy :P
I know because afaik I have no friends coming to my graduation certainly not from my course, but i moaned too much to tsr in the last year for them to have any sympathy left. So I trawled Google to see if anyone has ever been in this situation before
Reply 19
19
Original post
by RikuI know because afaik I have no friends coming to my graduation certainly not from my course, but i moaned too much to tsr in the last year for them to have any sympathy left. So I trawled Google to see if anyone has ever been in this situation before
Danny Wellbeck was at my graduation. Who needs friends when you have Danny Wellbeck.
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