Hi guys. One of the really big reasons why I am hoping to get into University and live there is because of the social side of life. I have had a massive delay in social activity for nearly 3 years now...I haven't gone out out at weekends and holidays with anyone since then, i sit in my room basically all the time, do my work and always eat alone too. When i log onto facebook I don't talk to anyone anymore. I'm in my final year of college and just go in and do work and most of the time and never talk to anyone, never at break time or lunch time i have ever sat with anyone! I end the day then come straight back home. I keep getting the feeling that people don't like me, and feel so scared every day when I am walking past people because they think i have no friends, but i do try to give off good vibes, like saying hi in corridors. I feel so upset and sometimes think that i have lost my sanity and it feels weird to talk to people now
This problem is for a number of reasons:
-I have recently been diagnosed with dyspraxia (aged 17), for all those problems i had I now knew why
-I was bullied by both boys and girls at primary and secondary school, including physically and mentally, mainly because i was dyspraxic and shy e.g. can't remember sport games rules, instructions given, get things mixed up etc.
-I was controlled and bullied by this person for many years when i was younger, which took some more confidence away.
-In my GCSE's I worked SOOO HARRDD to get good grades way before my exams and so i stopped talking to people and got on with work at break and lunch nearly always.
The thing is, I really want to be more sociable, and to finally be able to grow as a person. If this doesn't change at Uni, I will be having another uncomfortable year. I've been talking to parents about it for like 2 years now, but nothing has gotten better. I have noticed that i worry way too much about little things as well. My mum is fed up with me and I think she gives up about it, she always says ''we're having the same conversations again about this'', and she keeps thinking I don't want to make friends. But there is not much more they can actually do for me, it all comes down to me.....what do you suggest guys??
BTW i am going to study music production and culture at the university of East London. I am hoping to live there, but it is quite close to my home in Horley.
Thanks for reading x
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- Thread Starter
- 18-05-2013 15:24
- 18-05-2013 21:38
When I read this it like I was reading something I wrote myself, I am worried just like you because I have gone through something similar and I want to be more social.
I think the best way to do this is like on freshers week just try and talk to people, because in a way they are in the same position, we are all in a new place trying to make friends. Another way I think would be go to the social events that are happening at the start of uni and try and look on here and on ucas Facebook page for people who are going to the same uni as you and doing the same course.
I hope everything works out for you :-)
- 19-05-2013 13:21
Hey, don't worry you're not alone. I have mild Asperger's and I don't drink so just the idea of going to a Fresher's party puts me in a panic attack. I keep just trying to tell myself that everyone will be nervous at first, but after the first couple of weeks, I'll look back and think "what was I so worried about?"
- 19-05-2013 19:58
Hey Chin up .I have the same feeling. I do not have much of social life either. There's only one friend that I see constantly out of school and text. I am thinking about not going to see my school leavers lunch because I don't speak to anyone there.
I I am hoping Uni will a fresh start. When you get to uni, knock on the doors of your roommates and introduce yourself. And join societies which you will think will enjoy. I am sure you will make friends in no time. I am going to do the same when I go uni in September
- 19-05-2013 20:55
Hey I've just finished my first year at uni and I'm ridiculously shy/introverted. I make no claim to be socially competent, or to have followed my own advice haha But it has gotten easier over the year.
-if you're living in halls, talk to your flatmates! That's probably the easiest way to meet people. I messed that part up by deciding to live alone
-Freshers is terrifying at points if you're shy and alone in a new place, but if you can suck it up and try and do things. Equally it's okay to not do things you're not comfortable with.
-Talk to people in lectures and seminars as soon as you can, people tend to 'group off' fairly quickly (and that doesn't stop you talking to them by any means, but it's easier if you do it as soon as).
-Find a society you like the look of, a lot of them run socials that aren't necessarily just getting pissed.
-If all else fails your uni might have a buddy system which could be useful, they choose an older student to show you the ropes and stuff
-Volunteering is a good way to meet people too.
- 21-05-2013 09:43
Hey! Just think - you've got a chance now to have a fresh start. What's happened in the past matters to no-one but you, and you can control how you react to it. You can let it get you down and ruin any chances of a good social life... or you can make yourself realise that no-one at uni will know you, and they'll be mature enough to possibly be curious about your dyspraxia, but won't bully you about it. Universities seem to have much tougher bullying procedures than schools too, from what I've noticed, so you've got an advantage there.
Definitely join a society - you can make friends with similar interests at the same time as continuing one of your old hobbies or discovering a new one! It's definitely worth it. Also, make sure you don't sit in a corner away from everyone in your class - talk to them and get involved. You're all in the same boat, the first few days are your chance to make the friends that could stick with you for the whole of your time at uni -but don't feel pressured by that, because there are so many other ways of making friends at uni too, such as with the societies and if you drink, by going out.
Hope you have a good time!
- 22-05-2013 09:51
Hey. You are going to uni to study, get a degree and establish a career. At least I am. I don't give a monkey about Freshers, social life or anything. I'm finishing my first year now and to tell you, I'm happy. Doing very well in my subject, got a placement in a research lab ( which is almost impossible after the first year) and I did make some friends at uni too. Despite the fact I lived at home, travelled, didn't go drinking and wasn't looking for friends. I know many of you will thumb me down, but this is just how I see it. I have a handful of friends and it is enough. Those people at uni who go around drinking with you are not friends, just mates to hang around with and I'm only interested in meaningful friendships. Having moved to the UK at the age of 15, I had to work really hard at school and college to establish where I am now. Success is my pure and only focus and if you think about it, you don't go to uni to have fun. If you want to have fun go to Ibiza or somewhere else. Uni is the most expensive purchase in my life so far and I'm 100% focused on study. Got 90%+ in my exams and determined to keep it that way. You will find friends eventually, even I did and I'm quite harsh as a person sometimes...but people seem to love me. Mystery why they do. Moral is...even a self centred and career orientated b*tch like myself found friends, you people put there with lovely personalities will most definitely find friends too.
- Thread Starter
- 16-06-2013 17:08
Thanks for all the feedback and tips, it's nice to hear other people who have gone through similar experiences to me. Thanks for your opinion anjola, and i am looking to successfully complete a degree, music is my passion, but having a decent social life is a very important part of life, especially as this problem has taken so much away from me. You and i are different people and have different goals, problems etc. This is a problem i am facing and by continuing education into uni will give me great stepping stones to help solve this problem. I am not looking to be extremely popular and be a build a big reputation, i just want to start to socialize again will help improve the quality of my life.