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Being gay
I don't know what it is but of late I've come to dislike being gay, disliking what I am. I hate the gay scene, it's so gharish and over the top. I find some of it just plain vile and so shallow and judgmental. It's incredibly unfriendly.
Also I just have this immense fear of growing old and being gay; older gay men get so much less respect. I think a lot of young gay men enjoy the lifestyle, they're popular, get quite a bit of attention etc [just like me] but what happens beyond that part just scares me. Most of my friends are female, and I like that, but what happens when they go on to get married/have family's? I guess, long-term, I'm scared of just falling behind and becoming lonely.
I've realised I'm actually ashamed to be gay, I don't like it, I hate the fact that whenever my mum mentions the lack of a girlfriend that I cringe and feel myself having to divert the conversation. It is so much harder than people expect - often people are like "be a man, tell your family!" and "it can't be that hard", but it so is. I actually feel, and have been, physically sick when I even consider telling my family.
I don't know what kind of advice could really be offered, ideally something from someone who knows what I'm going through, but I know I can't go on feeling quite self-hating like this.
Also I just have this immense fear of growing old and being gay; older gay men get so much less respect. I think a lot of young gay men enjoy the lifestyle, they're popular, get quite a bit of attention etc [just like me] but what happens beyond that part just scares me. Most of my friends are female, and I like that, but what happens when they go on to get married/have family's? I guess, long-term, I'm scared of just falling behind and becoming lonely.
I've realised I'm actually ashamed to be gay, I don't like it, I hate the fact that whenever my mum mentions the lack of a girlfriend that I cringe and feel myself having to divert the conversation. It is so much harder than people expect - often people are like "be a man, tell your family!" and "it can't be that hard", but it so is. I actually feel, and have been, physically sick when I even consider telling my family.
I don't know what kind of advice could really be offered, ideally something from someone who knows what I'm going through, but I know I can't go on feeling quite self-hating like this.
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Don't feel as if you have to tell parents, its not like straight people are expected to announce they are straight.
Anonymous
I don't know what it is but of late I've come to dislike being gay, disliking what I am. I hate the gay scene, it's so gharish and over the top. I find some of it just plain vile and so shallow and judgmental. It's incredibly unfriendly.
The "straight scene", if it existed, would be exactly the same - just 9 times as big.
There are other "scenes". Don't feel like by being gay you have to be part of the gay scene, you really don't.Anonymous
Also I just have this immense fear of growing old and being gay; older gay men get so much less respect. I think a lot of young gay men enjoy the lifestyle, they're popular, get quite a bit of attention etc [just like me] but what happens beyond that part just scares me. Most of my friends are female, and I like that, but what happens when they go on to get married/have family's? I guess, long-term, I'm scared of just falling behind and becoming lonely.
You seem to have a fear of growing old, not being gay. You will be happy if you're in a relationship, you just don't think you will be - any straight person would be the same, you can go out clubbing till you're 30ish at best, then you start to look seriously out of place. But as I said, there's more to being gay than clubbing or being part of a "scene".
Anonymous
I've realised I'm actually ashamed to be gay, I don't like it, I hate the fact that whenever my mum mentions the lack of a girlfriend that I cringe and feel myself having to divert the conversation. It is so much harder than people expect - often people are like "be a man, tell your family!" and "it can't be that hard", but it so is. I actually feel, and have been, physically sick when I even consider telling my family.
Then don't. They're not you. They're people you've been born around and that doesn't mean you have to tell them everything.
Anonymous
I don't know what kind of advice could really be offered, ideally something from someone who knows what I'm going through, but I know I can't go on feeling quite self-hating like this.
I do know what you're like but I think you need a bit of self-confidence. You seem to be letting being gay rule your life - probably because your mum brings up your girlfriend so often and so on. Don't let being gay define you. There's more to you than being gay. Don't worry about it.
If you need more specific advice feel free to PM me or post back of course.
In terms of being gay, I can relate to some extent, being bisexual, but I suffer from similar problems in "coming out" as transgender, although despite the problems associated with it, I like being transgender and my feminine side, differing from your problem. Homosexuality is very difficult, especially for men, where sexuality with the same sex is less open. However, it shouldn't be your position or opinion of others that affect how you feel about yourself - it should be what makes you happy and content, not what you think is the "right thing to do". You should embrace the identity you wish to have and share that with your parents if it troubles you - and this is not necessarily simply being homosexual, but rather your entire identity, of which sexual orientation is only a small part. I recently came out as bisexual and had little problems - their main concerns were with the fact that I should conceal it from certain people who frown upon same-sex relationships and to take proper precautions if I had sexual relations with another man - chances are your family will be similarly concerned about how you fare in the world with homosexuality rather than negatively scrutinising you. That said, it is your choice as to whether you tell them or not - you can tell somebody if you feel you wish to communicate your feelings to find some sense of resolution, but there is no obligations.
Anonymous
I don't know what it is but of late I've come to dislike being gay, disliking what I am. I hate the gay scene, it's so gharish and over the top. I find some of it just plain vile and so shallow and judgmental. It's incredibly unfriendly.
Also I just have this immense fear of growing old and being gay; older gay men get so much less respect. I think a lot of young gay men enjoy the lifestyle, they're popular, get quite a bit of attention etc [just like me] but what happens beyond that part just scares me. Most of my friends are female, and I like that, but what happens when they go on to get married/have family's? I guess, long-term, I'm scared of just falling behind and becoming lonely.
I've realised I'm actually ashamed to be gay, I don't like it, I hate the fact that whenever my mum mentions the lack of a girlfriend that I cringe and feel myself having to divert the conversation. It is so much harder than people expect - often people are like "be a man, tell your family!" and "it can't be that hard", but it so is. I actually feel, and have been, physically sick when I even consider telling my family.
I don't know what kind of advice could really be offered, ideally something from someone who knows what I'm going through, but I know I can't go on feeling quite self-hating like this.
Also I just have this immense fear of growing old and being gay; older gay men get so much less respect. I think a lot of young gay men enjoy the lifestyle, they're popular, get quite a bit of attention etc [just like me] but what happens beyond that part just scares me. Most of my friends are female, and I like that, but what happens when they go on to get married/have family's? I guess, long-term, I'm scared of just falling behind and becoming lonely.
I've realised I'm actually ashamed to be gay, I don't like it, I hate the fact that whenever my mum mentions the lack of a girlfriend that I cringe and feel myself having to divert the conversation. It is so much harder than people expect - often people are like "be a man, tell your family!" and "it can't be that hard", but it so is. I actually feel, and have been, physically sick when I even consider telling my family.
I don't know what kind of advice could really be offered, ideally something from someone who knows what I'm going through, but I know I can't go on feeling quite self-hating like this.
You don't have to come out to your family until you want to. I haven't come out to any of my family yet...although I do believe most of them have an idea of my sexuality due ot plenty of hints I have been accidently dropping and have just recently realised that I have. For example, most of my friends are girls and when I am around friends I act completely different around them than I am with my family so they see a completely different side to me. But once these hints slowly make an impact and start to take affect...it'll soften the blow when you do come to tell them. This is how I think my dad went through a phase of saying at the dinner table how he thought gay marriage would be more common in the UK as so many straight couples were getting divorced.
I've only come out to a select few of my friends who I trust with my life. I judge who to tell through how they think about gays and how they treat them. I've only come out to friends who I know have other gay friends and don't treat them differently for it, so therefore I thought they held no disrespect or looked down upon gays in anyway. It's like a safety net.
Oh, and one last thing...when it comes to telling your family, you don't have to do it face to face to make it even harder...well that's what I'm going to do. When it came to telling the select few of my friends of my sexuality, I couldn't do it face to face. So I sent the first one a letter, I sent the second one a text and the third one I told over MSN. I guess it's just that I can't see their facial expressions when I tell them.
Good luck in life whatever you do though!!! But just don't be ashamed of who you are. Life is a precious thing, it could be taken away from you in a second (nowadays all you have to is take the wrong alleyway on a friday night and that could be it!) and what you need to remember is to live every second of your life to the max. And accepting who you are is the first step to leading an enjoyable life that you want to lead.
Anonymous
You don't have to come out to your family until you want to. I haven't come out to any of my family yet...although I do believe most of them have an idea of my sexuality due ot plenty of hints I have been accidently dropping and have just recently realised that I have. For example, most of my friends are girls and when I am around friends I act completely different around them than I am with my family so they see a completely different side to me. But once these hints slowly make an impact and start to take affect...it'll soften the blow when you do come to tell them. This is how I think my dad went through a phase of saying at the dinner table how he thought gay marriage would be more common in the UK as so many straight couples were getting divorced.
I've only come out to a select few of my friends who I trust with my life. I judge who to tell through how they think about gays and how they treat them. I've only come out to friends who I know have other gay friends and don't treat them differently for it, so therefore I thought they held no disrespect or looked down upon gays in anyway. It's like a safety net.
Oh, and one last thing...when it comes to telling your family, you don't have to do it face to face to make it even harder...well that's what I'm going to do. When it came to telling the select few of my friends of my sexuality, I couldn't do it face to face. So I sent the first one a letter, I sent the second one a text and the third one I told over MSN. I guess it's just that I can't see their facial expressions when I tell them.
Good luck in life whatever you do though!!! But just don't be ashamed of who you are. Life is a precious thing, it could be taken away from you in a second (nowadays all you have to is take the wrong alleyway on a friday night and that could be it!) and what you need to remember is to live every second of your life to the max. And accepting who you are is the first step to leading an enjoyable life that you want to lead.
I've only come out to a select few of my friends who I trust with my life. I judge who to tell through how they think about gays and how they treat them. I've only come out to friends who I know have other gay friends and don't treat them differently for it, so therefore I thought they held no disrespect or looked down upon gays in anyway. It's like a safety net.
Oh, and one last thing...when it comes to telling your family, you don't have to do it face to face to make it even harder...well that's what I'm going to do. When it came to telling the select few of my friends of my sexuality, I couldn't do it face to face. So I sent the first one a letter, I sent the second one a text and the third one I told over MSN. I guess it's just that I can't see their facial expressions when I tell them.
Good luck in life whatever you do though!!! But just don't be ashamed of who you are. Life is a precious thing, it could be taken away from you in a second (nowadays all you have to is take the wrong alleyway on a friday night and that could be it!) and what you need to remember is to live every second of your life to the max. And accepting who you are is the first step to leading an enjoyable life that you want to lead.
Grr at you for bringing up a two-week old thread, but there are some interesting things being discussed here, so ok...
My family doesn't know I'm gay. I don't think they even have a clue. However, my family knows nothing about me. They don't know what subjects I study at school (both parents are convinced I study physics even though I've told them I don't), don't know what I like doing (my parents think I'm obsessed with Eminem), don't know who my friends are. I tell them all these things but they don't go in... and then they go and talk about me to people I don't even know, who then come up to me in the streets and talk about me liking Eminem or ask me how my physics A-level is going. So I don't trust them, really.
On the other hand, everyone in my school knows I'm gay (because it's a single-sex school, and these things get around, although I did start off just telling people I trusted) and I've never had any trouble over it. The odd bit of teasing, but that's it - and to be honest I never minded the teasing, in fact gay jokes are good, either because they're genuinely funny or because you get to laugh at the people who think they're great because they're straight. I've told people over msn and face-to-face, and they're both pretty much the same now. It takes a while to get used to other people knowing you're gay, although I never had any problems with knowing and accepting that I was gay myself... but once other people start to accept this fact (without asking you "when did you find out? who else knows? do you fancy me?", but instead just saying "oh, didn't know.
" and that's it), you will probably find it easier to tell anyone.My parents - as far as I'm concerned they can find out accidentally or through word of mouth, like the people at school that I don't like found out. I'm not telling them because I don't like them as people. Simple as that.
Anonymous
Good luck in life whatever you do though!!! But just don't be ashamed of who you are. Life is a precious thing, it could be taken away from you in a second (nowadays all you have to is take the wrong alleyway on a friday night and that could be it!) and what you need to remember is to live every second of your life to the max. And accepting who you are is the first step to leading an enjoyable life that you want to lead.
Good luck in life whatever you do though!!! But just don't be ashamed of who you are. Life is a precious thing, it could be taken away from you in a second (nowadays all you have to is take the wrong alleyway on a friday night and that could be it!) and what you need to remember is to live every second of your life to the max. And accepting who you are is the first step to leading an enjoyable life that you want to lead.
Yeah I completely agree, try to love yourself for yourself now, and find out who you are and what you're comfortable with (it never has to be defined by your sexuality if you dont want!) and embrace that, because you don't want to be thirty by the time you discover being gay is only a small part of who you are otherwise you'll realise you waisted a good chunk of your life that you'll never get back again- hope it all works out well for you!
Don't feel put off by the scene that's associated with your sexuality. I can't stand what I'd describe as the "straight scene" (you know, people going to clubs and getting hammered then hoping to end up sleeping with someone), but it doesn't affect how I feel about being heteroxesual.
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."
God hates you for being gay. But at least you know where you stand with the Bible...
God hates you for being gay. But at least you know where you stand with the Bible...
Dantanion
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."
God hates you for being gay. But at least you know where you stand with the Bible...
God hates you for being gay. But at least you know where you stand with the Bible...
Ah, but it said "lie". I'm sure some Kama Sutra joke could be made here, which would make homosexuality biblically acceptable.
...but I'm too mature for all that.
I know how you feel about the scene, it has changed the way i feel about being gay. Remember though its not the be all and end all of being gay, you have pleanty of time to find that someone special to settle down with, being gay makes it harder but it will happen . Need any more advice welcome 2 PM me
. Need any more advice welcome 2 PM me
Gay scene? I'm gay, as are 4 of my friends and I don't notice any gay scene.. What's a gay scene?
Gayness is a sexuality, not a bloody lifestyle!
Gayness is a sexuality, not a bloody lifestyle!
quadruple_twist
Gay scene? I'm gay, as are 4 of my friends and I don't notice any gay scene.. What's a gay scene?
Gayness is a sexuality, not a bloody lifestyle!
Gayness is a sexuality, not a bloody lifestyle!
That's because you live in Ayrshire. Wherever the hell that is.
It's one of those things you only really get in bits of London and Birmingham and so on. Just like gay clubs and accepted gay 'areas' and so on. Places you can go to meet gay people without the immediate intention of getting off with them - just to get to know them, and if you like them, you're pretty damn sure they're going to be gay, which is one obstacle overcome straight away. Essentially a mini-society where gay people are the majority.But of course you get seedy ones, which are bad.
generalebriety
That's because you live in Ayrshire. Wherever the hell that is. It's one of those things you only really get in bits of London and Birmingham and so on. Just like gay clubs and accepted gay 'areas' and so on. Places you can go to meet gay people without the immediate intention of getting off with them - just to get to know them, and if you like them, you're pretty damn sure they're going to be gay, which is one obstacle overcome straight away. Essentially a mini-society where gay people are the majority.
But of course you get seedy ones, which are bad.
It's one of those things you only really get in bits of London and Birmingham and so on. Just like gay clubs and accepted gay 'areas' and so on. Places you can go to meet gay people without the immediate intention of getting off with them - just to get to know them, and if you like them, you're pretty damn sure they're going to be gay, which is one obstacle overcome straight away. Essentially a mini-society where gay people are the majority.But of course you get seedy ones, which are bad.
Oh right, I see. I'm not into that.
Mate, I'm exacty on the same situation as you are. I'm gay but no one knows and the thing is I really hate being gay. Its the fact that i absolutely hate the whole gay scene and I think at times gay people are digging themselves a hole by acting in a "very gay way". The thing is I reckon I'm gonna be stuck with being gay and I guess I'm gonna have to live with it. But the thing is I'm not gonna be "gay" as other people and I think so should you. I mean so what if you like other men, that doesn't mean you need to act queerly. There are other gay which doesn't want themselves incorporated with the gay world at all and its reasonable. My advice is don't let yourself be bothered about the whole gay thing. Act straight as you normally do and I'm sure you feel more comfortable acting straight and hanging out with straight friends and doing what straight people do. This is what I do everyday and what really matters is the fact that you like men but you don't need to wear a huge tag saying "hey I'm gay!" as some raging queen do. Nothing wrong with it to be honest and I think us kind of gay people are the best kind of people as we live a far normal life compared to other gay people. We don't cause embarassment to ourselves and to our family and the fact that we are doing what we're suppose to do in our society...except the breeding thing with women of course.
With the getting old bit, don't worry about it at all. You can easily get nmarried to a woman and start a family. Alternatively you can live as a single man and adopt a kid. Nothing to be worried about. Being an old gay doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna be a grampa looking for a toyboy. Just means that you're old just as other straight men are.
Cheers.
With the getting old bit, don't worry about it at all. You can easily get nmarried to a woman and start a family. Alternatively you can live as a single man and adopt a kid. Nothing to be worried about. Being an old gay doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna be a grampa looking for a toyboy. Just means that you're old just as other straight men are.
Cheers.
quadruple_twist
Gay scene? I'm gay, as are 4 of my friends and I don't notice any gay scene.. What's a gay scene?
Gayness is a sexuality, not a bloody lifestyle!
Gayness is a sexuality, not a bloody lifestyle!
You are certainly rght mate but the problem is, gay people's lifestyle are so over the top that being gay nowadays means adapting a certain lifestyle which is disgusting: meaning gay people shagging anything that moves and have a penis! Don't get me wrong but this is what's exactly happening in our society which makes me sick and feel ashamed of being gay. I'm not surprised by the amont of homophobia in our society. Being gay should be restored to its original idea from the 1980's just being attracted to men. Nowadays, being gay is all about being a queen and finding a shag asap.
Please do not get married and start a family. To do that to a woman is a horrific and disgusting act. Marriage is not a convenience for something to do when your old. Dont destroy someone's life like that.
So let me ask you something, what is the point of mariage? sheer lust and attraction? half of the marriages are ending up in divorce just because of that reason! However, if you're gonna get married because of the companionship then perhaps your marriage won't end up in divorce as some marriages do.
Anonymous
You are certainly rght mate but the problem is, gay people's lifestyle are so over the top that being gay nowadays means adapting a certain lifestyle which is disgusting: meaning gay people shagging anything that moves and have a penis! Don't get me wrong but this is what's exactly happening in our society which makes me sick and feel ashamed of being gay. I'm not surprised by the amont of homophobia in our society. Being gay should be restored to its original idea from the 1980's just being attracted to men. Nowadays, being gay is all about being a queen and finding a shag asap.
I think you're completely wrong! Yes, there are gay people who live up to the stereotype of camp queens, but there are also a lot of gay people who are not like this at all! It's for the very reason that they're not making it really obvious that they're gay that you don't see them! I have plenty of gay friends who are v comfortable with their sexuality but are not gonna try to "act gay". Plus I have a v gay family hehe! So I've come into contact with a lot of gay people (both men and women) of all ages through their friends etc, and it's not such a grim picture as you paint it! You make it seem like if you are gay then you must like the gay scene, and must wear tight tops and must go after every guy you see! If you think about it, straight guys don't have to conform to any particularly stereotype unless they want to and being gay is a sexuality, just like being straight so why would you have to conform?!
I;m not saying you need to conform. What I;m saying is the majority if te gay population is like this and they are bringing everybody else down!
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