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subsidising starving flatmate
My flatmate is currently broke and used the last 80p in his wallet to buy a small bottle of Lucozade yesterday.
He has eaten his last meal (4 slices of bread and butter) and can't afford to go shopping for anything else.
He rang his Dad asking for more money and his Dad told him to forget it.
And I am not prepared to subsidise him by lending him a fiver for food, or any money to get the train back home. Aren't I harsh.
Anyway before you all judge, here's the background. His parents pay for all his accommodation and uni fees, leaving him to use his loan purely for food and entertainment through the year (he can't be bothered getting a job). On the other hand I get no parental contribution (although don't pay fees) so my loan pretty much covers rent and bills and I have to fund food, travel, uni books and so on through working.
Despite this, every term he manages to get himself in a horrendous financial mess basically due to his lifestyle. He tends to spend £40 a night out on alcohol, taxis and takeaways, and at the start of term he averages about 3-4 nights out per week. He won't shop and cook economically, instead he buys sandwiches, takeaways, juice - everything for the "here and now". He's also recently spent £300 on a mini recording studio.
I've baled him out a lot of the time in the past when we've gone out shopping and he can't afford to pay for things, for a while I didn't keep track of the money but since I've been counting he's in debt to me of £174, which obviously I am unlikely to see. I run a tight ship with my money and never buy any luxuries for myself, I have to balance working with studying and I hardly get to go out, if I do I never have more than 1 drink because I can't afford it. Basically food is where my cash goes! So that £174 would have been great for me to have but I've used it instead to subsidise my mates mistakes.
Now here he is requiring more money off me basically to feed him till after the world cup (no doubt he will want drinks money as well) then pay for his trip home!
Before you ask, has he got no other friends? None that he doesn't owe at least £50 to. His ex girlfriend just dumped him and he owes her over £300. So he is in a tight spot asking anybody for more money!
So what would you good people do in this situation? I know it sounds harsh and he is my mate, but I can't deny there is something immensely satisfying about the thought of him having to sit around in the house drinking water and getting thinner as a lesson to be learned that he needs to take responsibility for himself, either curb his expenses or get off his backside and get a job.
He has eaten his last meal (4 slices of bread and butter) and can't afford to go shopping for anything else.
He rang his Dad asking for more money and his Dad told him to forget it.
And I am not prepared to subsidise him by lending him a fiver for food, or any money to get the train back home. Aren't I harsh.
Anyway before you all judge, here's the background. His parents pay for all his accommodation and uni fees, leaving him to use his loan purely for food and entertainment through the year (he can't be bothered getting a job). On the other hand I get no parental contribution (although don't pay fees) so my loan pretty much covers rent and bills and I have to fund food, travel, uni books and so on through working.
Despite this, every term he manages to get himself in a horrendous financial mess basically due to his lifestyle. He tends to spend £40 a night out on alcohol, taxis and takeaways, and at the start of term he averages about 3-4 nights out per week. He won't shop and cook economically, instead he buys sandwiches, takeaways, juice - everything for the "here and now". He's also recently spent £300 on a mini recording studio.
I've baled him out a lot of the time in the past when we've gone out shopping and he can't afford to pay for things, for a while I didn't keep track of the money but since I've been counting he's in debt to me of £174, which obviously I am unlikely to see. I run a tight ship with my money and never buy any luxuries for myself, I have to balance working with studying and I hardly get to go out, if I do I never have more than 1 drink because I can't afford it. Basically food is where my cash goes! So that £174 would have been great for me to have but I've used it instead to subsidise my mates mistakes.
Now here he is requiring more money off me basically to feed him till after the world cup (no doubt he will want drinks money as well) then pay for his trip home!
Before you ask, has he got no other friends? None that he doesn't owe at least £50 to. His ex girlfriend just dumped him and he owes her over £300. So he is in a tight spot asking anybody for more money!
So what would you good people do in this situation? I know it sounds harsh and he is my mate, but I can't deny there is something immensely satisfying about the thought of him having to sit around in the house drinking water and getting thinner as a lesson to be learned that he needs to take responsibility for himself, either curb his expenses or get off his backside and get a job.
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''Everyone's friend, but no-ones fool'' springs to mind. I think you are right not to lend him money, he'll soon learn that he needs to manage his money better - fair enough we all mess up occasionally, but £174 is not occassionally in my opinion. Stick by your guns. He'll respect you more in the long run...
He's not 'requiring' money from you, he's asking for money from you. And, since he's been such a d**k to you, you don't really have any sort of moral obligation to support him. On top of that, he's more well off than you, so really he should be doing the lending. And if I only had 80p left in my worldly possession, I wouldn't buy a lucozade, I'd buy something very cheap and long lasting, like bread or something. The man's an idiot. If he wants some more money, tell him to sell his new recording studio. Just don't give him any more money.
I think he should sell the mini studio, plus any other things which are readily convertable to cash. Have a clear out and have a garage sale or something. Explain to him you will help him sell his stuff, but you won't be subsidising him anymore and expect to be paid the money owed to you when he gets his next lot of money. Suggest a job relevant to his degree.
Tell him to get his act together. He's probably got stuff floating about which he can flog on eBay. Then he can get a job and pay people back. There's no excuse for him behaving like that.
yeah I think thats on the right lines
at the moment he wouldnt even countenance the idea of selling his recording studio, however I think a week or two sans food might make him more amenable to the idea
Me and him have been mates for a while and he is a good lad in other ways, but I think he just has this problem of "I want, I want" and isn't willing to work hard for himself to pay for it. Nobody has said no to him because he gets on with everybody and is everyones mate, but then people are starting to run out of money themselves so they are saying no now.
at the moment he wouldnt even countenance the idea of selling his recording studio, however I think a week or two sans food might make him more amenable to the idea
Me and him have been mates for a while and he is a good lad in other ways, but I think he just has this problem of "I want, I want" and isn't willing to work hard for himself to pay for it. Nobody has said no to him because he gets on with everybody and is everyones mate, but then people are starting to run out of money themselves so they are saying no now.
I don;t think she was harsh, he owes money, he wastes it and expects more, hes not paid anyone back, he's lazy and at this rate he will fail his course, sorry but he has to learn the hard way
Ive had friends like this, I don't know how they have the guts to just get on with life without worrying about the money they owe let alone asking for more. I remember when I was 16 I took one of my friends on a weeks holiday with my parents (they paid) and her mum gave her £40 for spending, she spent £37 of it at the service stations on the way there
They were expensive though £2.50 for a bottle of pop! She didn't need to spend anything though my parents fed us lol, still I was lending her money for a week.
They were expensive though £2.50 for a bottle of pop! She didn't need to spend anything though my parents fed us lol, still I was lending her money for a week.speranza
I don't think you should give him money, but I couldn't sit and watch another person literally starve either, no matter how big an idiot they were or how much they brought it on themselves. That's just wrong. He should certainly sell what he can as soon as possible and he clearly needs to start taking responsibility for his finances, but if you are actually planning on enjoying watching him live on water, then I'd say you have much bigger problems than he does.
I think its a good lesson for a few days (unless he has diabetes or something), its for his own good, he will probably find money anyway when he is that desperate.
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