What the most stupid thing your teacher has said

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starry
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#61
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#61
(Original post by hornblower)
The classic quotes I remember are:

Headmaster: 'Turn around, or I'll castrate you!'

Deputy: 'Stop! Or I'll destroy you!'

Biology: 'I know you don't fancy me, but people will start asking questions.'

Physics: 'No, that wasn't an orgasm.'

Chemistry: 'And like the most exciting things in life, it doesn't last very long.'

Chemistry: 'The Kama Sutra is a very interesting book. A lot of it is impossible to do though.'

IT: 'I feel like a monk.'

German: 'Thanks. I'll read it tonight in bed. I've got nothing better to do.'

There are many, many more...
These are seriously funny.
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mjf
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#62
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'HELP!!!!!! Somebody help me - Sara! Tell me what I have to do...I dont know' my statistics teacher who somehow managed to get a Maths degree?! The not quite so funny thing being he didnt know how to do any of our statistics module and so whenever he did an example on the board from a book he would get it wrong - even copying it out!
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Dreama
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#63
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#63
Me, concluding an essay submission;

" In conclusion, it is therefore my opinion that..."

My History teacher, in red ink;

"This is AS History, you don't have an opinion, you merely vomit the facts upon the page and toddle off with your A. If you want an opinion, Politics is the third door on the left."
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Greyhound01
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#64
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#64
I can't remember any stupid phrases but I remember in year 10 I was in top group maths and we had a teacher who was bottom of the class. She came into class once with her t-shirt on back- to- front and inside- out and had to leave to go and change. At this point we went to complain to the head of the maths department about the quality of teaching, funnily enough she left the school next year and we were given the head of maths as our teacher!
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tis_me_lord
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#65
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#65
"Ben stop talking, you can do trigonometry already, can you?"
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zazy
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#66
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#66
(Original post by hattori)
What the most stupid thing your teacher has said?

I think this could be quite funny but I only have one example and it isn't that funny. It was when my biology teacher said muscle turns to fat if you stay inactive, when in actual fact it doesn't. I know it's not funny and it's not that stupid so I don't really want to explain it.

Im sure you have some funny ones.
A physics teacher that went on about evolution....shut up Mr whatever!
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Cossack
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#67
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My report a month before my A'level exams was,

'******** is so laid back it s sometimes necessary to check whether he is still alive, shows and incredible ability to spend an entire lesson without listening to a single word being said. His coursework set out to undermine the entire syllabus and did so, all in all I will not miss teaching ******* but he has provided plenty of humour in the staff room, good luck blah blah blah
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TK
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#68
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#68
some physics teacher called ME 'sonny jim' once. that was pretty stupid.
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Fluffstar
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#69
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"see now look at that ben! you mixed up your secs and you fudged it! honestly you drippy boy! well at least that mistake might leave you with follow through marks"

100% true.
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rottcodd
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#70
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(Original post by Fluffstar)
"see now look at that ben! you mixed up your secs and you fudged it! honestly you drippy boy! well at least that mistake might leave you with follow through marks"

100% true.
My geography teacher meant to say 'organism' but said 'orgasm'. Not that funny but it was halarious in year nine...
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tis_me_lord
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#71
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#71
My head of year lining us all up to shout at us and yelling "IF ANYBODY TALKS NOW I'LL DO YOU!!" (Extra emphasis on the word 'do' - immature i know but still funny.)

My tutor trying to reason with us "You lot just never stop talking....basically you're all just retards...." The casual way she said that made is too hillarious to refrain from laughing hysterically for about 10 minutes until i was finally allowed to go outside.
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Fluffstar
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#72
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(Original post by steerpike1985)
My geography teacher meant to say 'organism' but said 'orgasm'. Not that funny but it was halarious in year nine...
bahahahaaa yeah - i did that to my mum. "mummy mummy we learned about orgasms today!! we did we did!!" at the age of, you know, five she was all "im phoning the headmaster!"
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Cossack
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#73
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Ive got loads more as well we had really eccentric teachers...

Rugby coach, 'M******e really does have beautiful legs (seriously he said that :eek: )'

'Sociology teacher, 'Why are your eyes always so red?'

'Do you have to play that gangster rap quite so loud, it's upsetting the year 7s'

Another report from a few years ago, 'overall, his work this term has been very poor, this could be becasue he is yet to hand any in.'
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rottcodd
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#74
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#74
(Original post by Fluffstar)
bahahahaaa yeah - i did that to my mum. "mummy mummy we learned about orgasms today!! we did we did!!" at the age of, you know, five she was all "im phoning the headmaster!"
haha! Bet that was quite embarrasing
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TK
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#75
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#75
(Original post by Cossack)
Ive got loads more as well we had really eccentric teachers...

Rugby coach, 'M******e really does have beautiful legs (seriously he said that :eek: )'

'Sociology teacher, 'Why are your eyes always so red?'

'Do you have to play that gangster rap quite so loud, it's upsetting the year 7s'

Another report from a few years ago, 'overall, his work this term has been very poor, this could be becasue he is yet to hand any in.'
ooooooh. psychology teacher: "you've obviously had fish for breakfast katie!"

haha i was sooooooooooo mad! :mad:
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neha p
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#76
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#76
(Original post by tis_me_lord)
My head of year lining us all up to shout at us and yelling "IF ANYBODY TALKS NOW I'LL DO YOU!!" (Extra emphasis on the word 'do' - immature i know but still funny.)

My tutor trying to reason with us "You lot just never stop talking....basically you're all just retards...." The casual way she said that made is too hillarious to refrain from laughing hysterically for about 10 minutes until i was finally allowed to go outside.
i know how you feel, that's kinda happened to me

my geog teacher said **** instead of spit once. we all went *dramatic gasp*!
that was funny

my physics teacher who didnt for the life of her understand why her son keeps saying the sun is 'cool' when it's thousands of degrees hot...sooo pathetic!
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Fluffstar
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#77
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#77
(Original post by steerpike1985)
haha! Bet that was quite embarrasing
i was five so i thought i was saying the right word. ahh the age of innocence
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Cossack
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#78
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#78
(Original post by Tinykates)
ooooooh. psychology teacher: "you've obviously had fish for breakfast katie!"

haha i was sooooooooooo mad! :mad:
lmfao i think my perverted mind makes that even funnier
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Cossack
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#79
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I came home from school when i was about 10 and said that I wanted to study pornography a'level (someone had stuck a sign saying pornography on the photography department door)
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Squishy
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#80
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#80
(Original post by Cossack)
My report a month before my A'level exams was,

'******** is so laid back it s sometimes necessary to check whether he is still alive, shows and incredible ability to spend an entire lesson without listening to a single word being said. His coursework set out to undermine the entire syllabus and did so, all in all I will not miss teaching ******* but he has provided plenty of humour in the staff room, good luck blah blah blah
The best report someone I know got was, "There is every likelihood that Penny will achieve a grade in the exams this summer." Not very encouraging, but honest at least.
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