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    Thought I'd create a thread where we can post essays we've written, and mark each others (it's a give and take thing ).

    I'll post mine, and I'll mark whoever decides to post theres.

    [quote]

    Essay: Ways in which different species of organisms differ from each other.

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    Name:  Biology essay 2nd part.jpg
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    Name:  biology essay 4th part.jpg
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    Thanks in advance
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    The mark scheme for essay marking.

    Four skill areas will be marked: scientific content, breadth of knowledge, relevance and quality of
    language. The following descriptors will form a basis for marking.

    Scientific Content (maximum 16 marks)
    Category Mark Descriptor
    16
    Good
    14
    Most of the material reflects a comprehensive
    understanding of the principles involved and a
    knowledge of factual detail fully in keeping with a
    programme of A-level study. Some material, however,
    may be a little superficial. Material is accurate and free
    from fundamental errors but there may be minor errors
    which detract from the overall accuracy.
    12
    10
    Average
    8
    A significant amount of the content is of an appropriate
    depth, reflecting the depth of treatment expected from a
    programme of A-level study. Generally accurate with
    few, if any, fundamental errors. Shows a sound
    understanding of the key principles involved.
    6
    4
    Poor 2
    Material presented is largely superficial and fails to
    reflect the depth of treatment expected from a
    programme of A-level study. If greater depth of
    knowledge is demonstrated, then there are many
    fundamental errors.
    0

    Breadth of Knowledge (maximum 3 marks)
    Mark Descriptor
    3 A balanced account making reference to most areas that might realistically be covered
    on an A-level course of study.
    2 A number of aspects covered but a lack of balance. Some topics essential to an
    understanding at this level not covered.
    1 Unbalanced account with all or almost all material based on a single aspect.
    0 Material entirely irrelevant or too limited in quantity to judge.

    Relevance (maximum 3 marks)
    Mark Descriptor
    3 All material presented is clearly relevant to the title. Allowance should be made for
    judicious use of introductory material.
    2 Material generally selected in support of title but some of the main content of the essay
    is of only marginal relevance.
    1 Some attempt made to relate material to the title but considerable amounts largely
    irrelevant.
    0 Material entirely irrelevant or too limited in quantity to judge.

    Quality of language (maximum 3 marks)
    Mark Descriptor
    3 Material is logically presented in clear, scientific English. Technical terminology has
    been used effectively and accurately throughout.
    2 Account is logical and generally presented in clear, scientific English. Technical
    terminology has been used effectively and is usually accurate.
    1 The essay is generally poorly constructed and often fails to use an appropriate scientific
    style and terminology to express ideas.
    0 Material entirely irrelevant or too limited in quantity to judge.
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    Hey
    Here is an essay ` the importance of shapes fitting together in cells and organisms`

    Please could anyone check and mark it
    Thanks
    Me
    Attached Files
  1. File Type: doc biology unit 5 June 12 essay- the importance of shapes fitting together in cells and organisms..doc (21.5 KB, 8580 views)
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    (Original post by Minnie me)
    Hey
    Here is an essay ` the importance of shapes fitting together in cells and organisms`

    Please could anyone check and mark it
    Thanks
    Me
    Hi, Ive given your essay a look, and Id give it: QOWC: 3 Relevance : 3 Breadth: 3 (mentioned hormones, and oxygen/blood in plan, so gave you 3) Scientific content: 10 (overall 19/25)

    I think its good that you mentioned enzymes in quiet abit of detail, one thing you could improve on is to say that the enzyme active sites are complementary to substrate molecules, not the whole enzymes. Then go onto how their complementary/shape arrise, so mentioning tertiary structure, disulphide/ionic/hydrogen bonds etc and folding/coiling of polypeptides.

    For lactose intolerance, isnt it caused by people producing drastically less lactase as they age/enter adulthood, rather than the lactase active sites no longer being complementary to lactose molecules? Maybe I'm totally wrong, but that didn't sound right.

    It was good that you mentioned the enzyme rubisco (not on the spec), and spoke quite alot about it in relation to CO2 and RuBP. One thing I wasnt sure about, is that surely RuBP and CO2 are complementary to the rubisco active site, rather than them all being complementary to shape in each other? Maybe that's not what you intended to write, but that's how it came across in writing. But it was a good thing to mention.

    The muscles section was good overall, but you could have gone into more detail and talked about how if the shapes arent complementary, then actomyosin cross-bridges wont form. So then power stroke wont occur/myosin heads dont push actin molecules along, so the actin filaments dont slide along the myosin filaments, saying how power stroke drives muscle contraction.

    Overall it was a good essay, if you'd have gone into more detail and managed to get hormones/oxygen and blood in, you could get up to 23 IMO. Hope I wasn't too harsh.
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    (Original post by AtomicMan)
    Hi, Ive given your essay a look, and Id give it: QOWC: 3 Relevance : 3 Breadth: 3 (mentioned hormones, and oxygen/blood in plan, so gave you 3) Scientific content: 10 (overall 19/25)

    I think its good that you mentioned enzymes in quiet abit of detail, one thing you could improve on is to say that the enzyme active sites are complementary to substrate molecules, not the whole enzymes. Then go onto how their complementary/shape arrise, so mentioning tertiary structure, disulphide/ionic/hydrogen bonds etc and folding/coiling of polypeptides.

    For lactose intolerance, isnt it caused by people producing drastically less lactase as they age/enter adulthood, rather than the lactase active sites no longer being complementary to lactose molecules? Maybe I'm totally wrong, but that didn't sound right.

    It was good that you mentioned the enzyme rubisco (not on the spec), and spoke quite alot about it in relation to CO2 and RuBP. One thing I wasnt sure about, is that surely RuBP and CO2 are complementary to the rubisco active site, rather than them all being complementary to shape in each other? Maybe that's not what you intended to write, but that's how it came across in writing. But it was a good thing to mention.

    The muscles section was good overall, but you could have gone into more detail and talked about how if the shapes arent complementary, then actomyosin cross-bridges wont form. So then power stroke wont occur/myosin heads dont push actin molecules along, so the actin filaments dont slide along the myosin filaments, saying how power stroke drives muscle contraction.

    Overall it was a good essay, if you'd have gone into more detail and managed to get hormones/oxygen and blood in, you could get up to 23 IMO. Hope I wasn't too harsh.
    Hi,
    Thanks very much for looking it over.

    Reading it back the lactose intolerance section do seem a bit weird, and yeah I do need to improve in the detail of what is actually specific to what.

    Thanks again
    Me
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    [QUOTE=AtomicMan;42819676]Thought I'd create a thread where we can post essays we've written, and mark each others (it's a give and take thing ).

    I'll post mine, and I'll mark whoever decides to post theres.


    Essay: Ways in which different species of organisms differ from each other.

    Name:  Biology essay 1st part.jpg
Views: 4042
Size:  276.5 KB

    Name:  Biology essay 2nd part.jpg
Views: 1996
Size:  341.6 KB

    Name:  Biology essay - 3rd part.jpg
Views: 2793
Size:  336.2 KB

    Name:  biology essay 4th part.jpg
Views: 3643
Size:  364.5 KB

    Name:  Biology essay - 5th part.jpg
Views: 2255
Size:  310.6 KB

    Thanks in advance
    Hi,
    I have checked your essay, it seems quite good, I liked the way you have linked in all the units in detail,
    Therefore I would give you 11/16 for scientific content, 3/3 for breadth, 3/3 for relevance, and 2/3 for quality of written communication(due to handwriting/image is slightly blurry)
    to improve you could do a paragraph in some related topic out of spec, and write slightly neater.

    Sorry if I was harsh, but overall it was a good essay
    Me
    P.s thanks for checking my essay over
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    [QUOTE=Minnie me;42946835]
    (Original post by AtomicMan)
    Thought I'd create a thread where we can post essays we've written, and mark each others (it's a give and take thing ).

    I'll post mine, and I'll mark whoever decides to post theres.



    Hi,
    I have checked your essay, it seems quite good, I liked the way you have linked in all the units in detail,
    Therefore I would give you 11/16 for scientific content, 3/3 for breadth, 3/3 for relevance, and 2/3 for quality of written communication(due to handwriting/image is slightly blurry)
    to improve you could do a paragraph in some related topic out of spec, and write slightly neater.

    Sorry if I was harsh, but overall it was a good essay
    Me
    P.s thanks for checking my essay over
    Thanks, I do agree with my handwritting, it was sub-par lol. How would you say I could improve on the scientific content?
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    (Original post by AtomicMan)
    Thanks, I do agree with my handwritting, it was sub-par lol. How would you say I could improve on the scientific content?
    Your welcome,
    To improve you could have the maximum amount of detail for major topics, and just add extra out of the spec information.
    What I do is sit with the list of essay titles and google the major topic, to find extra info when planning, when writing the essay try link in the out of topic stuff with relavent in topic stuff. This should result in your scientific content mark rising.

    Me
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    Um, this is kind of bad, but I can't get myself to actually writing an essay, i spend ages planning, but not actually writing it(the thought of having to do this after English GCSE is too much to bear) can I get some sort of encouragement/tough love to get myself to writing it.
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    (Original post by Zazuwaved)
    Um, this is kind of bad, but I can't get myself to actually writing an essay, i spend ages planning, but not actually writing it(the thought of having to do this after English GCSE is too much to bear) can I get some sort of encouragement/tough love to get myself to writing it.
    Hey,
    Here comes your encouragement (hopefully)
    Just think of it as how would you get easy marks in a tough exam.
    The answer is to write an essay, doing so shows the examiner what your biology knowledge is made of, so they have no choice but to give you a good grade.
    If you have never wrote an essay of biology, first think of it as five five markers like the ones in bio4, but make sure they link some how.
    You can also try and put your plans into full sentences which link, and go from there. If your stuck just keep posting and we'll help you.
    Just remember you need to show the AQA examiner who's the boss in bio5.

    hope I've helped,
    Me

    P.s. post your essays on here and we'll tell you how to improve, if your still stuck I have posted my negative feedback essay on the BIO5 thread. I'll post it here now.
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    Hi
    Here is my negative feedback essay
    I got 22/25
    14/16 scientific content
    3/3 breadth
    3/3 relevance
    2/3 quality of written communication

    Me.
    Attached Files
  2. File Type: doc negative feedback essay.doc (23.0 KB, 1430 views)
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    Hey! This is really really useful. Can someone please mark mine? Thank you!!
    Sorry about the image being upside down :|
    Attached Images
       
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    (Original post by Minnie me)
    Hey,
    Here comes your encouragement (hopefully)
    Just think of it as how would you get easy marks in a tough exam.
    The answer is to write an essay, doing so shows the examiner what your biology knowledge is made of, so they have no choice but to give you a good grade.
    If you have never wrote an essay of biology, first think of it as five five markers like the ones in bio4, but make sure they link some how.
    You can also try and put your plans into full sentences which link, and go from there. If your stuck just keep posting and we'll help you.
    Just remember you need to show the AQA examiner who's the boss in bio5.

    hope I've helped,
    Me

    P.s. post your essays on here and we'll tell you how to improve, if your still stuck I have posted my negative feedback essay on the BIO5 thread. I'll post it here now.
    Aww Thank you very much. I made up a plan tonight for an essay and I hope tomorrow I should be able to write it up and I shall post it hopefully here =).

    Thanks again =)

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    Hi could somebody mark mine please
    Attached Files
  3. File Type: docx June 2011 essay.docx (15.2 KB, 2063 views)
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    (Original post by Melissa.S.)
    Hi could somebody mark mine please
    The word document isn't opening. Can you copy and paste onto here?
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    (Original post by Minnie me)
    Hey
    Here is an essay ` the importance of shapes fitting together in cells and organisms`

    Please could anyone check and mark it
    Thanks
    Me
    Hi I thought the detail that you went into with the enzymes was good. Also the mention of photosynthesis, as that gets you brownie points for mentioning plants. Maybe go into a little more detail for the muscle contraction, actually talk about the process of muscle contraction? And then maybe add in a few more topics, just to make it a bit longer, could talk about:
    DNA - enzymes used in DNA replication - DNA polymerase, RNA polymerase.
    Transcription factors - Oestrogen - second messenger
    Control of cell division - Growth factors bind to specific receptor proteins causes genes to be switched on.
    Protein channels in unit 1 - specific protein channels for certain molecules
    Sodium-potassium pump - only specific to sodium and potassium

    Overall was a good essay though, I would say its on the 15/16 range.
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    (Original post by emah123)
    The word document isn't opening. Can you copy and paste onto here?
    June 2011 essay - A cycle is a biological pathway or process in which the end product of one cycle
    becomes the starting point for the next cycle. Write an essay about cycles in biology.

    Plan:
    Nutrient cycle – carbon and nitrogen
    Respiration – krebs cycle
    Photosynthesis – calvin cycle
    Heart – cardiac cycle
    Lungs
    Action potential
    Menstrual cycle – feedback mechanisms
    Cell division

    Nutrients are essential for organisms to survive, they are recycled so that they can be used over and over again. Two major nutrient cycles are the carbon and nitrogen cycles. The carbon cycle starts in the form of CO2 and is absorbed by plants in photosynthesis to make glucose. This becomes carbon compounds in plant tissue, which is then passed onto primary consumers and then secondary and tertiary consumers. When these organisms die the carbon containing compounds are broken down by decomposers which respire, releasing CO2 back into the atmosphere for the cycle to repeat.

    The nitrogen cycle is also very important as nitrogen is needed to make proteins. Nitrogen in the atmosphere is turned into ammonia by bacteria, which can then be used by plants. These nitrogen compounds in plants are then turned in ammonium compounds by decomposers. The ammonium compounds are turned into nitrites and nitrates by nitrifying bacteria. The nitrates are then converted back into nitrogen gas, ready for the cycle to repeat.

    Aerobic respiration also includes a cycle; the krebs cycle. The krebs cycle is a series of oxidation-reduction reactions which take in the matrix of the mitochondria. It involves a 4 carbon compounds undergoing different reactions, forming a six carbon molecules, then being broken back down again into a 4 carbon molecule. The steps involved release lots of ATP and Reduced NAD, needed for the electron transport chain.

    Oxygen needs to carried around the body, and it is the cardiac cycle that allows blood to pump around the body, carrying oxygen. Blood fills the left and right atria simultaneously, and contract simultaneously due to the SAN acting as a pacemaker. As the atria contract, blood flows into the ventricles, due to pressure changes. Once the ventricles contract, blood flows out of the ventricles, into arteries, blood fills the atria again. This constant circulation of blood, increases the rate of diffusion in the lungs of oxygen.

    For the brain to co-ordinate responses to stimuli, impulses are sent along neurones. When a stimulus is detected by specific receptors, this causes sodium ion channels to open, and so sodium ions diffuse across the membrane, causing the inside of the membrane to be more positive. Once a threshold level is reached, many more sodium ion channels open, which leads to depolarisation of the membrane. Sodium channels then begin to close and potassium channels open, leading to repolarisation of the membrane, so that the cycle can repeat, so more action potentials can be sent.

    The control of hormones in the body is very tightly controlled using feedback mechanism. The menstrual cycle starts with the release of FSH, which stimulates follicle development and the release of oestrogen. Oestrogen inhibits FSH, which is an example of a negative feedback loop. As the concentration of oestrogen rises this stimulates the release of LH and FSH, an example of positive feedback loop. LH stimulates the ruptured follicle to turn into a corpus luteum which releases progesterone. Progesterone inhibits FSH and LH, an example of negative feedback loops. If no embryo implants, progesterone isn’t released and the uterus lining breaks down, and the cycle repeats.

    Overall, cycles are extremely important in biology as they control the important reactions needed for organisms to survive and essentially reproduce, so that their genes and passed onto future generations. This allows the cycle of life to continue.
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    (Original post by MLogan)
    Hey! This is really really useful. Can someone please mark mine? Thank you!!
    Sorry about the image being upside down :|
    It's upside down? lol
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    (Original post by Minnie me)
    Hi
    Here is my negative feedback essay
    I got 22/25
    14/16 scientific content
    3/3 breadth
    3/3 relevance
    2/3 quality of written communication

    Me.
    That was a really good essay! Definitely in the twenties! I think negative feedback essays are quite difficult because it's mostly just unit 5 stuff... trying to think of negative feedback from one of the other units, because if you put in one more topic from another unit, you could probably get near on full marks for that
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    (Original post by Melissa.S.)
    Hi I thought the detail that you went into with the enzymes was good. Also the mention of photosynthesis, as that gets you brownie points for mentioning plants. Maybe go into a little more detail for the muscle contraction, actually talk about the process of muscle contraction? And then maybe add in a few more topics, just to make it a bit longer, could talk about:
    DNA - enzymes used in DNA replication - DNA polymerase, RNA polymerase.
    Transcription factors - Oestrogen - second messenger
    Control of cell division - Growth factors bind to specific receptor proteins causes genes to be switched on.
    Protein channels in unit 1 - specific protein channels for certain molecules
    Sodium-potassium pump - only specific to sodium and potassium

    Overall was a good essay though, I would say its on the 15/16 range.

    (Original post by Melissa.S.)
    That was a really good essay! Definitely in the twenties! I think negative feedback essays are quite difficult because it's mostly just unit 5 stuff... trying to think of negative feedback from one of the other units, because if you put in one more topic from another unit, you could probably get near on full marks for that
    Thanks Melissa for looking the essays over, I'll check yours over in a bit as I'm supposed to do maths

    Me
 
 
 
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