possessive or protective?

been together 3 months.

Treats me like a princess, but the following are signs im unsure whether hes posessive or just protective.

- Gets really angry if other guys look at me, let alone touch me.

- We argue, its always his side thats important, hes always right, never a compromise.

- He wants me to be his 'sex slave'. Wants to be in full control of our sex life.

- He refers to me as his property, possesion etc.

- massive fuss kicks up if im talking to a male friend or someone I know.

- wants to know my whereabouts at all times.

- never tells me what I can/cant do but does make it clear that he is angry about it e.g. seeing a male friend.

- Im not allowed to go swimming because other guys might look at me.

- Doesnt want me wearing revealing clothing.

Like I say, he never outright tells me I cant do something, but he does imply it will damage our relationship if I have male friends and so on.

Reply 1

Scott129

13

Possessive. Without a shadow of a doubt.

Reply 2

H0ls

18

Possessive, he's most definitely not treating you like a "princess". Unless we're talking old school fairytale, wants you locked up in a castle all alone type princess.

Reply 3

RahRah20

2

Sounds like a Christian Grey.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by H0ls

Possessive, he's most definitely not treating you like a "princess". Unless we're talking old school fairytale, wants you locked up in a castle all alone type princess.

lol he does treat me like a princess bar for them few things.

Reply 5

Helenia

20

Original post by RahRah20

Sounds like a Christian Grey.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I hope you don't mean that in a positive way.

OP, this is not normal or protective or endearing. It is controlling and unhealthy for any normal relationship. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your friends and social life because of his paranoias. He might treat you like a princess the rest of the time, but he clearly doesn't respect or trust you, which is far more important than how many presents you get.

Reply 6

Ezekiella

3

He sounds like a textbook potential abuser. It's unhealthy to have no independence of your own even in a really close relationship, and certain freedoms like talking to male friends should not be denied you by any guy. Please please leave, I've seen a few of my friends stick with guys like this and it's not pleasant.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 7

Genocidal

19

Possessive or protective? I'd say dickhead.

Reply 8

LazyBazooka

13

How can you even be asking this question? Possessive (or for him in particular, insecure ****).

Reply 9

Daniel George

11

neither - controlling and domineering

sex slave? what an idiot...who treats your girlfriend that way!

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Helenia

I hope you don't mean that in a positive way.

OP, this is not normal or protective or endearing. It is controlling and unhealthy for any normal relationship. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your friends and social life because of his paranoias. He might treat you like a princess the rest of the time, but he clearly doesn't respect or trust you, which is far more important than how many presents you get.

Hes not actually making me give up my friends or anything, it just causes arguments if Im seeing a male friend/hes clearly very unhappy about it.

Reply 11

ggsj95

Possessive and probably he loves you too much <----- that's what I personally think.

Reply 12

Journeyzap

11

I would be very worried.
This is the worst sort, the type who does not explicitly say it, but nonetheless guilt trips you and manipulates you into doing what he wants - so he will never quite be responsible for it but you won't ever feel comfortable doing what you truly want to do if it isn't what he wants to do.

Not all guys are like that, and trust me, someone who likes you, trusts you and respects you for how you truly are rather than how his insecurities dictates how he wants you to behave will be much better for you, your self esteem and your life in the long term.

I haven't had a partner who was like this, but I did have a friend who used to be near-obsessed with me, and would treat me in those ways (get cross and jealous if I had other friends, particularly male friends, or wore anything that could classify as 'revealing clothing'). You end up feeling like how you live your life is wrong, when it isn't, or that you can't be honest with him out of fear of setting him off.

Seriously, as much as I hate the "dump him" crass advice on TSR, in this case, do get rid of him, or get out, before it gets worse and leaving him is harder, because you have been completely sucked up into and become used to his crap!

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Daniel George

neither - controlling and domineering

sex slave? what an idiot...who treats your girlfriend that way!

he hasnt said I am, and never makes me do anything I dont feel comfortable with. But he says he wants me to be.

Reply 14

Robbie242

Original post by Anonymous

been together 3 months.

Treats me like a princess, but the following are signs im unsure whether hes posessive or just protective.

- Gets really angry if other guys look at me, let alone touch me.

- We argue, its always his side thats important, hes always right, never a compromise.

- He wants me to be his 'sex slave'. Wants to be in full control of our sex life.

- He refers to me as his property, possesion etc.

- massive fuss kicks up if im talking to a male friend or someone I know.

- wants to know my whereabouts at all times.

- never tells me what I can/cant do but does make it clear that he is angry about it e.g. seeing a male friend.

- Im not allowed to go swimming because other guys might look at me.

- Doesnt want me wearing revealing clothing.

Like I say, he never outright tells me I cant do something, but he does imply it will damage our relationship if I have male friends and so on.

Sounds like a possessive loser

Reply 15

.Scout.

14

Original post by Anonymous

Hes not actually making me give up my friends or anything, it just causes arguments if Im seeing a male friend/hes clearly very unhappy about it.

Yes, he hasn't explicitly told you to give up your friends but imo, what he is doing is worse. By being 'clearly very unhappy' about your male friends, he is trying to guilt trip you into ditching them yourself - he is switching it around to make him the victim and you the 'baddie' who has made him feel like this. It's classic behaviour from manipulative, controlling types. This will carry on and he will continue to make you feel bad about yourself and make you feel guilty for treating him badly - all under the guise of 'I'm doing this because I love you!' But really, this isn't love. This is dangerous behaviour which will only get worse.

Obviously you haven't done anything wrong. No one should have to ditch friends for a partner and no one should be reffered to as 'property'. Get out.

Reply 16

Another

21

Possessive.

I don't even like getting into water, but I'd break up with someone who told me I can't go swimming. I prefer my freedom.

Reply 17

wildbluesun

11

Original post by Anonymous

- Im not allowed to go swimming because other guys might look at me.

He is possessive and sounds borderline abusive. You are not his property, and if he's setting rules about what you can/can't do...it's only going to get worse. What Scout is saying is right - he might not be explicitly forbidding you from having male friends, but he is kind of forbidding you isn't he, by making life difficult for you when you meet male friends.

He's cutting you off from your friends, keeping constant tabs on your whereabouts, and trying to tell you what you can and can't do with your free time. He's not protective, he's possessive-verging-on-abusive.